Cant seem to pull myself out of this!!!

I cant begin to tell you how awful things are going in my life.  It seems as if I will never be truly free to enjoy my life the way I want.  If I told you guys all the things that are not good right now the list would be longer than any post known to h/w.

In short, of course my personal life leaves alot to be desired.  I dont know if it is that I truly dont care about having one anymore or that I am so overwhelmed with life right now that I have become distant to everyone and everything in life.

Law enforcement is now involved in my car problems and it is so bad that I can not be on the road because of the title and issues with that, these times are when I really need someone by my side that has got my back, this is something that I don't think I can get through on my own, I dont know what to do or who to ask for help.

I went to my doc for vns.  Of course my bp was severly elevated at 240/104.  My doc also disagrees with the psych doc as far as meds, he is concerned as well at the condition of my mood and the amount of meds that seem to paralyze me and has made me almost oblivious to getting important things done in my life.  My doc talked me into leaving the vns turned on but at a shorter interval.  He also said that the noticeable vibration and hoarseness could be a problem with the nerves and vocal cords.  Exploratory may be a future must.

Of course as usual finances are horrible.  I have never been in such a desperate need of finances.  I am really worried about keeping up with my financial responsibilities.

On a good note, I received a letter from the detention facility that I applied to several weeks ago.  I thought that they had hired someone but it seems that they have narrowed it down and would like me to come in and do a formal application and panel interview.  This would be the gang interventionist position that I applied for.

I think that is what I need to gain some worth and maybe get out of this slump.

My sister is still doing ok and is still able to communicate well.  It kind of makes me mad with this stupid car because when I bought the car my first trip was to see my sister after the scare of almost losing her this year.  I want to see her so bad.

Well just wanted to let you know that I am still alive.

Keep praying.

The paramedics were greatful for the quick and accurate treatment.  I found out today that he is ok and they are looking into what caused this to happen.

I am going to try to get some major things done today with my car.  I have to possibly go back to Indiana to file a civil suit against the dealership.  As if I didnt have enough stress, this was supposed to be a great thing for me having my car and now I am struggling with everything that has transpired.  The sad part of this is I have grown to love my car and eventually it will go back.  I said it is almost like getting a child from adoption and then having to give it back, I know that is silly to compare a child to a car but I dont have very many things in my life that I have worked for and still have.

My depression has been with me lately and it is really hard to concentrate on all this stuff that I HAVE TO DO whether I feel good or not.  It is really killing me!