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Posted 5/21/2008 1:49 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, I'm new to this forum of healingwell. I post often in the Ulcerative Colitis forum. And I'm definitely not new to depression.

I stopped the medication a couple months ago b/c I was doing so well and I was already taking so many meds b/c of the UC. As my UC has worsened, I have been doing a lot worse emotionally as well. Within the last week, I've cried about 5 times. I just spent an hour earlier crying b/c I can't handle this disease. Depression and self-esteem issues robbed my teenage years, and now this disease has robbed me of the rest of my life. I can't follow or complete my dreams. I always have to worry about any possible messy situations, what I have to eat, etc etc. I'm a burden on my family. I'm afraid that I'm never going to find someone to love me. I don't have anyone other than my immediate family to talk to or rely on. And they definitely don't understand depression (in fact, my dad thinks it's complete bs) and as much as they try, they don't understand what it's like to have UC.

I feel like things can only get worse since the disease is mostly likely to get worse. I'm just so unhappy. sad

I'm sorry for rambling and thanks for listening (or rather, reading).

Post Edited (ComedyDork) : 12/4/2008 6:02:11 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 5/21/2008 2:16 AM (GMT 0)
Hi CD,

First of all welcome to the forum.  You have come to a wonderful place full of wonderful members.  You are among friends.

I must say that you have projected a rather bleak future for yourself.  And all I can say is to take life one day at a time.  The more you worry about the future the worse that you are going to feel.  You already said that stress makes the UC worse.  I would say take life one day at a time.  Talk to your doctor and see about some counseling.  There are programs for people who don't have insurance.  You might end up working where you can get insurance in the future.  There is no sense of defeating the purpose by assuming this or that will happen.  So relax.  Some medications can be obtained by samples from your doctor.  There are options out there  and hopefully you will be able to work something out.  Just worry about today, today.  I know that I am rambling, but I am trying to get the point across so that you wont be so hard on yourself.  You have achieved so much so far.  And I can see you achieving more.

Good luck, there will be others coming along with advice.

hugs, Karen 

Posted 5/21/2008 2:39 AM (GMT 0)
Hi CD, thanks for the reply to my post from the other day.  We all need friends and you will definitely find wonderful ones here.  You should check about getting med samples from your DR.  Also, if you can find a job you may be able to get health insurance.  It is true that you need to take each day as it comes.  If your Dr. is not helpful maybe you can switch to someone else.  Also, check into counseling services.  I don't know where you live but there are some places that take people on a sliding scale.  Also, don't feel that no one will love you - that is not true.  The most important thing is to love yourself and take good care of yourself.  Try to concentrate on the positive things in your life and stay focused on trying to feel well. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.  I will reply whenever you want. I want to encourage you to use this forum for help.  We all want to help each other. Remember, to be good to yourself first.

Aurora

P.S. You can go on the internet and just type in the word depression and you can get lots of info. that way and maybe some ways to help you deal with the depression.

Posted 5/21/2008 7:08 AM (GMT 0)
Eej CD,

Karen an Aurora gave some great advice. Worry is caused by fear of the future, sadness by the past, so try, as Karen said, to live more in the now. It could help if you try not to let your mind wander of to future and past. Accepting the things that happened and will happen will make your life a lot easier.

And as Aurora mentioned, try to love yourself, no matter how hard that might be. I was in the same situation as you about love, I never had a gf and that really hurt. Someone who loved me would give purpose to my life. But later I realized that when I didn't rely on outside sources to make me happy, but looked on the inside, I would be happy all the time. So these days I live by that. Maybe it will help you too.

But keep posting, we all care for you!

All the very best!
Erik
Posted 5/21/2008 11:07 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Cd
I too wanted to welcome you to the forum,we are very glad that you are here.

Karen and Aurora of course have given you some great advice, just use this board for whenever you need us and we will be there for you.
Posted 5/21/2008 12:58 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry you are feeling that way too.  I also have UC and I went through a bout of depression when I was first diagnosed.  I say go for your dreams.  Don't let UC hold you back.  Some people never flare again (or as bad as the first time).  Not everybody stays sick.  I've been in remission for a couple years with only one minor flare and I originally had pancolitis.  What I had to do for along time was quit reading about UC on the internet because it kept scaring me.  What I'm trying to say is you will learn to live with UC.  You can do it.  You have your whole wonderful life ahead of you and you can make it work.  (((hugs)))
Posted 5/21/2008 8:43 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for replies, everyone! I really appreciate it. I started back on Prozac last night that I had from earlier this year. I think I'm going to try to find a psychologist who specializes in chronic illness. But I did schedule an appointment with old psychologist just in case. I'm feeling a lot better and a bit more optimistic today.
I know that I need to go day by day, but I'm a planner. I HAVE to have everything planned out. But I guess that's something I'll just have to work on.
lmb0114, that's so great that you've been in remission for the last couple of years! Let's hope I get there soon.
Posted 5/22/2008 11:49 AM (GMT 0)
Good Luck to you,and please keep us posted on how you are doing.
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