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I just didn`t need this today. Please See Part 2 thread started 6/10

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Posted 5/30/2008 1:59 PM (GMT 0)
I am sory abou the lost of you son, i lost my mother a few years ago, and have lost a brother and a sister. Maybe I will seee them all again someday.

I feel son doesnt respect me, and my youngets will help when she feel like it. Which is more than my son will do..

Posted 5/30/2008 2:09 PM (GMT 0)
with everything that has happened to me over the years especially when i was young i feel as though i have lost my parents back then along with most of my family .Everyone say that i have to find it in myself and forgive them but sadly the pain is too real and to great for me to do that i have lived out here about thirty years and in that time my parents visited me once ,so you see for me there is no love lost at all my oldest son can`t even remember then .So whe i got a call from my sister saying that our mother was ill i asked her what does she want me to do drop everything and run ,I just can`t do that .In the end when things really count i do not think my family will be there standing by me i just see what happens today and can`t see it going to change any .
All the support and encourgement has come from total strangers peole who do not enen know me ,wheni was in hospital for two months last year where was my family oh yes they were there on the phone fighting wanting to know when i was coming home as things are not the same without me being there .they had to cook ,clean and do their own washing as i wasn`t there to do it for them .I f i had any sense i should of not listened to them at all and stayed where i was .
restless
Posted 5/30/2008 2:12 PM (GMT 0)
Restless and Sheryl,

I commend you for all that you so for others. I couldn't do all that like you both so. I can see that it is very difficult to cator after the children, especially when they could be helping. I am hopein that the two of you talking can ease eachother's minds. Mybe give eachother some goodd advice.

I wish both of you a wonderful ensightful day. I think it is so cool about the joey. That must make you feel so good Restless to be able to nurture it through this difficult time. That in itself is a miricle in the working.

You both are so special to all of us, remember that. I have to get going so I can't write as much as I would like to. You two keep your chins up. Better days are to come. Restless, I hope that you can enjoy your time with your daughter gone for a while. Take a deep breath and try to relax. Sheryl, you are doing better than you were, keep up the good work.

Luv and hugs to you both.
Karen...
Posted 5/30/2008 2:20 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen it`s this forum that has kept me going through some very dark times .The caring and good nature of all those who comment .
I hope that sheryl improves with each pasing day and that you can fine some hope in your daily life that get you through .I use to say to myself i`m not going to let them know how i actually feel in the fear that my kids would see the real me .There are very few people who have ever seen it i feel ashamed of they way i feel about a lot of things .And heaven knows where i would be if it was not for caring strangers who know how we feel as they themselves have bee or are going through much the same themselves .
There is a little bit of hope in all of us we just need to let it grow .
Restless
Posted 5/30/2008 3:13 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen.

restless all we have is hope.

I saw my mother once from 1990 to 2005, when she passed away. very estranged relationship. my daughter never met her. my son met her once at 2 yrsold, he doent remember her. they are very close my husbands family. I wish I could be something holds me back, been hurt to many times, still hurting. Daughter is tearing up the house cuz im jumping up to make her some noodles.

i told her i would make them later, just sat back down.

Posted 5/30/2008 11:21 PM (GMT 0)
It`s morning here and i`m waiting to hear from my son so i can go pick them up .I had a terrible nights sleep was awake more than asleep even with my meds then i was up at the crack of dawn .
my kids have had my mil as a grandmother she is ok and i tollerate her but there is a lot i do not talk to her about because she tells everyone else .I have lived in this tiny town for the past 30 yrs and of the last fourteen i have spoken to no one only the dr and the psychologist i see other than that no one even knows i have a problem .I just do not trust any of them .In fact the only people i do trust are those behind my screen ,i hide behind it as then no one can see when i`m crying my eyes out or not ,they can`t see the sadness and ask why ,nor why i`m so angry a lot of the time ,they do not judge me but take me as i am .
Kids can be so demanding especially when they are smaller ,at least if mine are hungry they feed themselves i only prepare the evening meal and some cakes to eat each day apart from that they just get what they want ( within reason that is )
This morning i am going to finish my washing only have hubbys work clothes left to go .Not planning on doing too much .
Restless
Posted 5/30/2008 11:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Restless,

I hope that you have a nice relaxing day to do some things that you enjoy. I hope that the sun is shining for you and that you enjoy your day.

hugs, Karen...
Posted 5/31/2008 12:42 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen it is a lovely day here lots of sunshine so should be pretty good .Am going down to get a good book from the library this morning then i can sit and read some.
restless
Posted 5/31/2008 12:54 AM (GMT 0)
That to me sounds very nice and relaxing.

Enjoy your day!

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 5/31/2008 11:09 AM (GMT 0)
not know what I am going to do yet, probably make sure i get the dishes put away,and the laundry done. my kids feed them sleves, with the excetption of the little one 8 i make grilled cheese sandwhiches. the rest she uses the microwave.

we all eat different stuff. Its now morning here too, I slept well, except for getting up and peeing all night, inbetween i slept well. I hope you both enjoy your day.

Posted 5/31/2008 1:30 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sheryl,

I hope that you have a good day today. Take it as it comes and try to relax with it. I am sure that everything will be okay today. It is cool that the older ones can get themselves something to eat. Takes the pressure off.

Take care,
luv and hugs, Karen...
Posted 5/31/2008 3:10 PM (GMT 0)
We are going to go to a freinds house today later , she so far we usaully just spend the night., but keeping kara occupied between now and then, is hard. I like being on the computer, its hot out today, suppose to have rain tommorrow, whichis ok with me, we need it. I dont know if anything severe or not?

we will see.... cool ...

Posted 5/31/2008 4:03 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Jane,

Hello, this is Kitt, I have been reading your posts and the awesome support you recieve warms my heart.  I am so sorry that life continues to be so hard for you.

I wanted to tell you to please don't just quit your meds.  I have been trying to get out of taking my meds and my Pdoc finally let me know in no uncertain terms that I have depression.  If I stop my meds I may be ok for a short time but she is absolutely positive that I will crash without them........

I have had a very hard time accepting that this is me, for the last 26 years I have been on meds and 2 years ago my med failed and I had a huge meltdown.................now I cannot seem to get back to where I was .  I have learned to put the past where it belongs.  There is no old me, just the current me and I will continue to fight and to take care of me.

I would love to see you working with a new therapist and hope that you would find some peace in being able to let go of some of the anger you feel.

We can forgive and move on, but that does not mean we have to forget.

I know you are feeling so much pain in your current situation and I wish I had an answer to help your remove yourself from all the turmoil. 

Perhaps with your new therapist you will be able to identify a way to do that.

You are a valuable and important person, don't depend on your family or anyone else to validate this for you,  you know you are good and kind.  Believe in you and know you have this wonderful site that supports you.

You can vent here and we will read and we will support you.  You are cared for deeply here.

Bless you
Kitt 

Posted 5/31/2008 4:27 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Kitt , I talking to me and restless.

I find her sometime is my only outlet, and ultimately I have to rely on God for support.

Its is hard with the family, I want leave sometimes, but I would never leave my daughter. My son would abuse her. But my husband woud never let me take her anyway.

She is a daddy's girl. He loves her very much

I have gained so much wait, he is no longer interested in me, i cant blame him, im not the skinny model like bodied girl he met and married. He is superficial in that way.

I love him, i think he loves me, but not the way we need to have love, i need to lose min. 50 pounds and 70 wouldnt be bad either. I have probelems with my stomach

so i am limited on what i can eat, unfortunatley carbs agree, and the proteins dont. cant have any raw veggies or fruit, which really sucks!!!! nono .

My knees hurt real bad so i ca walk, or swim, no other real aerboic exercise.

But i know I have to lose weight for me, and when i have lost it, I still dont think my husband will ever feel the same about me.

But it would cost him too much if I left. So I wont. I just feel our relationship has come to a point where it will never be the same.

 

Posted 5/31/2008 11:53 PM (GMT 0)
Morning once again Kitt you are ang angel without your wings the lord knows we need you here so thats why no wings.How are you going it`s been a long time since i heard from you ,hope you are well and the world has been kind to you .
This one will be my last one i do not want to have every thing dug up again as for the past few years i have gone through so many new drs and therapists that i can`t get the past out of my mind for any lenght of time .

Well i have a whole week i will see how it goes .

you must forgive me for not being on last night the time difference is really bad being here in Aust has a big time dissadvantage.
How did you go sherly with your visit to your friend i hope you got to relax a bit and have a good chat .I have not done that sort of thing for 13 yrs i was hurt so badly by a so called friend that i just can`t go through that again so now i just resort to the people behing the screen for all of my support.
So many times i thought of waalking out the door but thats as far as i could go i`m so frightened of being on my own and then i have the fear of being around a lot of people the panic soon takes over .
Each day is a new day i hope there is something in the day that takes me away if even for a few minutes to a place where i can escape it all .This week i have very little to do as for this week my house stays clean with my daughter being away .I do not have to be continually picking stuff up .One the weekend i did the cleaning and all that is left is my ironing and i will do it today will only be half an hour .
I like cooking but i can`t cook anymore as there are so many things baked already that it would be a waste .
i didn`t get to the library i couldn`t do it just not a day to go out and i didn`t want to take any more meds so i could cope with it .
As for the other meds kitt i would just like to not be able to take them i know they are causing damage to my body while i take them and i know at the present time they do not seem to be having the effect on me that i would like them to have ,the dr isn`t interested in stopping them because she didn`t start them in the first place it was the psycharitist who put me on them when i had my cancer treatment so not sure what will happen .
My house feels very cold atm the fire is not on and the curtains are closed it sure feels like a winters day already ,once i warm up i will be ok and i do not want to light the fire until later this afternoon .
It has been a while since i have heard from any of my kids obviously they don`t need something done as thats the only time they come up anymore .
restless
Posted 6/1/2008 1:44 PM (GMT 0)
Sheryl......
My friend
I am so saddened as you already know by what you have to go thru with the kids and all you have to deal with your DD.......
As I have told you thru emails my friend..I have been blessed with Cait.....she knows I cannot do it all and she will jump in and do for me and keep honors in school
Right now I am having probs with her B/F
He is controlling and she is acting more like a mother hen to him than a g/f
I have tried to tell her once you let yourself be controlled by a man more oft than not thats the type you will go for
My 34 yr old son and DIL do nothing but use me for food for the GK's yet I never see them.......
Son is jealous of mine and caits relationship
His dad died as I have told you on St Paddy's day in 1979
Cait's dad died in 2002........Dep insulin diabetic that drank baileys or rye daily and he had me so controlled
I finally got the kahoonas to leave and get the real Lyn back the strong person who had Faith once again and I am now or have been in a relationship for 8 yrs ( wasnt with Caits dad when he passed) but I have now told him I will not put up with things he is doing........
I DO pray for you and wish you all the best my freind and I do hope you will see your kids turn around as they get older .......
Love all your emails
God Bless
Sis/ LYN
Posted 6/1/2008 1:51 PM (GMT 0)
Restless I have posted to you in other threads a few times
I am so sorry for all you deal with as well........

I would have that daughter out in a New York Minute........If it were me but I know you only face more hurdles with doing that
Cait gets honors at school .....has gotten her 40 hrs of Community work done in first 2 mths of High school ( a req here in Ontario to pass ,you have all high school to get the 40 hours but she wanted them done)
She works odd jobs and does have her own bank account
I am able to attribute this only to HER as I see it yes she has seen me go w/o so she has not had to BUT she is strong and determined in life goals
God plays a big part in this as well IMHO

NOw if only she would give up the B/F I mentioned to Sheryl........which I think is coming she does not and will not accept liars and he has been caught red handed she has yet to confront......
LOL when she does the skies will be raging with thunder I am sure.........

YOU are inspirational as is Sheryl for going thru and getting thru ALL you's have

I wish I could be more help all I can do is support you and listen

Take care you
God Bless
LYN
Posted 6/1/2008 2:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Restless and Sheryl,

Just want to say that I hope that you are both having a wonderful day your way. The sun is out here this morning. The birds are singing, it sounds wonderful.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 6/1/2008 4:16 PM (GMT 0)

Good Morning Restless,

I have been doing fairly well and at times really good.  I just hate the downs and I know some are situational as I see in your world too.  My sister died in November, I had to put my favorite dog to sleep, had the nasty upper respiratory infection in March and that always knocks me down.  Now I am waiting for results on 5 different biopsies from skin lesions.  I am not worried about the dx but would like to get it all over with.

My kids are good, I did get to go to Oregon over Easter and I think I pick up the grandkids respiratory infection as I came down with cough 2 days after being home.  I spent a week out there and it was worth it to see the children and my oldest son and daughter-in-law.

Now for you my dear friend,  please do give the therapist one more try.  It will give you a place to vent and remember the therapist is on your side and is going to listen to you. 

I am so happy you come here and talk as you can see you are well loved here and if we could we would come down under to see you.

I understand the fear of being on your own as I left my first hubby and I had 3 small children.............it was scary but we survived.  I was much younger then.

Bless you my friend and keep on believing that you have good things coming your way.

sheryl=jk

I am so glad by coming here you are able to feel connected to others who understand what you are going through.  I am glad you and Restless have become friends as everyone needs friends.  You are so supportive of each other and I am thrilled to see that kind of connection here.

Also, thank you for the jokes and for sharing your family picture with me............yes I am the FBI and I figured it all out. devil   I hope to be able to spend more time in this forum soon so know that I am here and I care.  Keep on with the emails..............they are great.  That Lyn is a sneaky one, I had no clue cool but I am sure glad she hooked us up.

Hugs to both of you

Kitt

Posted 6/1/2008 8:29 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Lyn, I love your emails too. Caits a keeper.

Its nice to formerly meet you Kitt, yes Lyn is sneaky devil .

Restless I hope you are having a good day. I am sorry you did not make to the library. I know how you feel about the freind thing, i have recently lost a friend for I dont know what reason, she is know longer befriending me. ANd I a, afriad mmy other firend may do the same , but she promises she wont, my other freind claimed to be my best friend. i t really hurts. I cherish my on line friends very much.

karen I hope you are having a good day.  I have had a better day, it was good to see my friend, although Im still not over my other friend, it will take time. I guess there is a time and season for everything.

I am ordering some hebal tea my freind have lost over 50 lbks now, and so has he MIL, and i have seen it in action, so it should work for me as well, and swimming season is here, get in the pool and swim some. i have over 50 to lose, but will be happy with 50. It would at least put me in a healthy range for my height and age. Probaly make my back hurt less too.

Thanks evryone for listening, and i hope week is good..... smurf ...

Posted 6/1/2008 10:32 PM (GMT 0)

Hey there sheryl=jk,

Herbal tea, is that the green tea I have read about or something different. :-)   ?

Hugs
Kitt

Posted 6/1/2008 10:50 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt I will email you the name, not sure we are allowed to mention names of companies that sell stuff on here.
Posted 6/2/2008 11:19 AM (GMT 0)
Sorry i have not been able to get back before this but just a bit too hard ,hubby here and my son .
Been really down and then tonight at our weigh in i gained weight which now makes me feel even worse than i did this morning all week i have stuck to the diet but due to the fact i do not want to go out i can`t walk to do exercise .
I will be in tomorrow morning for a short while i`m limited now as how long i can be on the computer .I really miss not haveing anyone to talk to especially when i need to .
Restless
Posted 6/2/2008 12:58 PM (GMT 0)
Im sorry restless, I do understand the weight loss, and not being able to exercise it off, i can swim, walk a little, thats about it, everything else husrts my knees and hips to much. I had lost a great deal off weight being sick, but once I started feeling better I put every pound back on.  So I am really hoping this tea helps me as has helped my freind and her mother in law. and its not just water weigt

50 lbs is siginificant, and nothing else was helping her lose weight. So we are going to buy in bulk because its cheaper that way. so i am waiting til she gets the money, and my husband will pay half, and she the other half.  It was even wroking on me the week I stayed with her when my family went to colorado, i lost 5 lbs. so i know it works.

I am sorry you have a hard time getting on the computer, thats where most of my friends are, on the computer. I hope today is a better day.... :-) ..

Posted 6/2/2008 10:00 PM (GMT 0)

Ah, the nasty weight problem..............should I be sane and chubby or thin and not so sane?  I am the Queen of all the diets out there and yet I continue to search and not give up the ghost.

Thansk Sheryl for the info.  Restless, I am sorry your missing your computer time............lock yourself in a room with your computer. devil

You are all on my mind and I wish you peace and love.

Hugs
Kitt 

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