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I just didn`t need this today. Please See Part 2 thread started 6/10

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Posted 6/2/2008 10:59 PM (GMT 0)
Sheryl the tea sounds really good what is the name of it ,i have been on weight watchers for thirteen weeks and just seem to be getting nowhere it`s very dissappointing .In the short time i have been on my meds i have put on 18kg and i feel so down because of this which isn`t helping me so it`s a good reason in my books to stop taking it .I`m no where near my sisters weight who are 150kg and 135kg but it frightens me to think i`m heading that way and at 80kg i feel so yuck.
Today i woke up feeling sick i have some sort of bug brewing this always happens when i`m really down .Think i will light the fire and keep the house warm .
The young son had an asthma attack last night he was been fighting it for a few days with his camping out so will have to get him seen by the dr if i can get him in today it`s been years since he had it checked as he has been really good..
I only have today and tomorrow to myself as after that hubby will be home again the days just seem to go really fast when he is at work but then drag by so slow when he is on his days off.
I really considered not even getting out of bed today only that the son had to go to school i would of still been there .My head feels really strange and any movement makes it worse think i will have to go and have a lie down .
Restless
Posted 6/3/2008 1:38 AM (GMT 0)
My Restless,

It sounds like you are catching a bug. I hope that it is nothing serious. At least you felt good while you were having time to yourself.

It sounds like you really enjoyed the vacation. I am happy for that. I wish that you didn't dread them coming home. And I hope that you can come up with some solutions for your daughter to get a job and start treating you with the respect that you deserve.

I hope that you have a wonderful day,
Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 6/3/2008 10:54 AM (GMT 0)
Restless
I hope that you are feeling better.
And as Karen said,it is time for daughter to get a job and start acting like an adult... I hope some options come up soon.
Posted 6/3/2008 11:42 AM (GMT 0)
Your welcome Kitt.

Restless I hope get some computer time today.

Hang inthere

Posted 6/3/2008 9:47 PM (GMT 0)
Morning yet again i feel as though i have been up all night i`m just so tired and today i have the little one to care for all day instead of just in the morning like i usually do .I`m hoping she will be in a good mood today i am not sure if i could even handle a clingy day like last week .Her sleep will be disturbed this morning as in the middle of it i have to take my son to the drs for his asthma and hopefully will get that sorted out again.
It`s beed raining on and off since yesterday afternoon i like the rain as i know my garden responds really well to it and seeing we are still on water restrictions it will be good .Along with the rain has came the cold weather it make me feel so down .All i did was sit down most of yesterday and nod off to sleep most probably why the sleep last night was so bad .
Today i have a few things to do seeing it`s my last day on my own .Hubby will be home for the next four days and i know the tension will be back to the usual.and most probably i will have to go up on the weekend and pick up the daughter something i`m definately not looking forward to one little bit ,This has been a good week as far as any arguements have been and yesterday even the young son commented that our house has been so much cleaner since she has been away .he often comments on the difference when she is away .My only hope is the she eventuallly will move out of home and then if it`s not too late by then things might be different for us all .

Sheryl how are things going with you did you manage to get away to visit your friend ,I really hope you got a little rest from the every day trials .
I have to laugh at the drs and psychologists they tell me all the time to make time for me but the thing is by the time you do everything that needs to be done and all those things others want you to do there isn`t much time left in ones day even to spend a single thought on what i would really like.
I think for as long as i can remember ( and thats not very far ) i have been helping others it does make me feel good in doing it but you know i never do it for myself .I feel guilty in the fact that i spend money on having my hair done but it`s the only treat i have and i know if it came down to having my white hair out for everyone to see then i would rather have no hair .Hubby keps on asking me why i cover the gray i told him that i`m not feeling old yet and why should i look it .Today i do feel old i feel as though the life is being drawn out i feel it would be so easy to give it up just to have the rest form everything and everyone.
Restless
Restless
Posted 6/3/2008 10:27 PM (GMT 0)

Hey Restless,

I am sorry your so tired today and when we are tired the challenges of everyday life seem like climbing a huge mountain. Please don't get pulled into arguments with your hubby.  Just walk away.  I know that is so very hard to do but he can't argue with himself.........well he could but he would not get any pleasure from it. devil

I know the Doctors and friends say take time for yourself but my idea would be a nice cruise etc and that all takes money.  My time for myself is coming here and letting the house work go. 

I am here whenever you need someone.  I am so glad you have connected with some really wonderful members.  You keep on talking to us and remember we are on your side.

Hugs

Kitt

Posted 6/3/2008 10:39 PM (GMT 0)
Morning Kitt it`s not that i argue with my hubby it`s the fact that there is no rest when he is home i just feel as though i have to be continually doing things .I know when he is angry because of what he does and how he does it he does have a bad temper and i would do anything not to see him take it out at home .
I suppose the thing is that if he is angry with me he doesn`t come out and say it it`s his actions that i do not like .He treats me like a kid which makes me feel as though i have to please him all the time and this is very draining for me when my depression is so bad .I get the feeling he is talking advantage of me because of it just like my kids .By the time he goes back to work after four days i am so low i really do not care what happens to me or anyone else .
A cruise does sound lovely and i suppose we can all have our dreams .
I can`t even remember the last time i even had a dream but then the dreams i have no one would ever want to dream them .
Restless
Posted 6/3/2008 11:04 PM (GMT 0)
Restless

I remember laying in bed at night wishing and dreaming of a better life.

It took alot for me to finally be able to wake up and be happy where I am.

You will get there,I wish that your family would wake up and quit being jerks.

You are so special,and again I wish that we lived closer,I would lend you my shoulder anytime you needed it.
Posted 6/3/2008 11:12 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks shy but i think for it to change there has to be something drastic happen for them to realise what is actually going on before their own eyes but then it will too late as things can`t be undone then no matter how much they try.The past few days all i have thought about is my son that died twelve months ago next week atleast he is free from it all there is no mre pain nor heartbreak .He was a gentle boy with a heart of gold .I`m pretty sure none of the others even realise that it`s been that long since he left us but for me it`s been like a lifetime .
Some people just don`t care or just take for granted what they have got until it`s been taken away .this one meant the world to me probably because he reminded me so much of me .
Restless
Posted 6/3/2008 11:28 PM (GMT 0)
Restless
I know about your son,and I can not imagine the pain that you are going through.
I keep saying how strong you are..that is because I am not sure that I could do what you have done.

Loosing a son,going thru cancer,dealing with your family.. I don't know how you do it.
But you do, that is a dedicated mom and person that can make it thru what you have.
Posted 6/3/2008 11:29 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Restless,

I am so sorry to hear about your son. That must be awful. A year isn't that long of a time, you are probably still greiving the loss. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Luv and hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/4/2008 11:58 AM (GMT 0)
OH Karen if you had ever met him he is the srot of a person that did leave his impring on you ( PLEASEE XCCCCCUSE MY I AHVE TAKEN SO MAMNYPILLS TONIGHT BUT NEEDE TO TELL YOU about MY LAD ,HE HAD SMSILING EYES THE FIRST THINGS THAT GREETED YOU they are so gentle then if you were hugge dby him just amigine being hubbed by a bear he grabs onto you and hugs you tight it feeks so safe and warm,his laughter if not to br forgotten i remembered the last time we all ate together we were talking about the plastic suits they wore while up on Frazer Island we had the ffffffffftime of our lives .I think i will write thr eeeerst if this tomorrow as i cant even see the jkeys .I`n tired sad and doped up on thr pills .
Restkess
Posted 6/4/2008 12:00 PM (GMT 0)
Restless

Please be careful with the pills... I am worried about you
Posted 6/4/2008 12:09 PM (GMT 0)
Its ok shy i cant rememberedwhich ones i diid takebut it wint matter tinight as i1m feeking kiiiiiiiiiike xxxxxxxx and am not worried ine little bit anout annyhting oramjbody.seeeeeeyuuuuuusooonnn

RESTKESS
Posted 6/4/2008 12:31 PM (GMT 0)
Im worried about you too restless, please be care ful with the pills. I am so sorry about your son. i have not lost a child,, but a parent and two siblings. So i cant imagine what are going through,I wish I could be there too, just too let you know your not alone and another shoulder to lean on., please post soon...
Posted 6/4/2008 1:13 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Restless,

Good Morning my friend...................I really need you to hear me today.  I know exactly how you feel.  I lost my son in a car accident, died at the scene with his best friend.  My Todd was 21 years old.  I have been a bit broken ever since it happened.  I mourn him to this day and always will but I have promised myself that I would live on and keep his memory alive.  I have dedicated my life to trying to live well so my son would be proud of me.  Yes, I have depression but I had it before the death of Todd and yet I kept waiting to fall down and never get up.............but I did get up.  I continue to honor his memory as I was his Mother and if I don't who will ?

I have many things I do to honor him and most of them I do in private.  I also ask him to maybe whisper in God's ear to help me when I am down.  I still hold some of his belonging and we still call his bedroom Todd's room. I always take the money I would have spent on him at birthdays and holidays and do something special for someone in need.

I know my son would have wanted me to be happy and I believe yours would want you to be happy to.  It has only been one very short year for you. Anniversaries are very difficult.  Plan how you are going to celebrate his life and please don't count on others to miss him like  you do. It is a Mother's grief and no one else can be in your shoes except another Mother who has lost a child. People have great sympathy for you as they do understand you are in great pain.  Accept their love and warm hugs.

People love you here and we will help you through but promise me to not take any more pills and if your feeling desparate seek help.

I am posting numbers here for you.  Please seek help before taking any action you will regret.  We will help you through the anniversary of your son's death.  Give us a chance.

Crisis Numbers for Australia.

Samaritan Organisations / Suicide prevention
Albany Samaritan Befrienders
P. O. Box 991
ALBANY WA 6330
Australia
Tel: 08 98 422776

Lifelink Samaritans Inc.
P.O. Box 228
LAUNCESTON
Tasmania 7250
Australia
Tel: 03 63 31 3355
Website: http://www.lifelinksamaritans.org

The Samaritans Perth
60 Bagot Road
Subiaco
PERTH
WA 6008
Australia
Tel: 08 93 81 5555
Freecall Countryline: 1800 198 313
TTY: 08 93 82 8822
Website: http://www.thesamaritans.org.au

Lifeline (Australia Wide)
24 hrs
131114
http://www.lifeline.org.au

Email me if you would like....................but no more pills...........it is not the answer.  I promise you.

Love you my dear friend and I know your son was a wonderful person. ((((((((((((((((Jane)))))))))))))))))

With deepest sympathy at this sad time for you.

Kitt

Posted 6/4/2008 1:33 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Restless,

I am so worried about you. Please post when you can so that we can all know that you are okay.

You are in my thoughts and my prayers.

Luv and Hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/4/2008 2:12 PM (GMT 0)
im with Kitt and Karen please post soon.

Im am very worried about you, eveyone is.

Kitt i am sorry for your loss, although I have been through deaths lots of them. Its not the same,I am glad you put postive ways of remembering Todd, he would be proud. I hope Restless has heard your words and taking some action with the numbers you listed. You are a good friend to everyone here.

Restless please post and let know your there...

Posted 6/4/2008 11:47 PM (GMT 0)
I`M SORRY .
Last night i was so sick and i took some other meds that reacted with my other ones they were supposed to relieve the bug i have .The pharmacist gave them to me yesterday so i though they would be ok but ovbiously not .i did sleep for the first time in ages but today i feel even worse so won`t be taking anymore of them .Now my son is in bed sick with the same bug .
I never meant to worry anyone .
RESTLESS
Posted 6/4/2008 11:59 PM (GMT 0)
That is okay,
We were just worried because we care so much about you. Just knowing that you are okay makes me feel better.

I am sorry that you are sick with a bug. Is it that time of year there? We have (the children around here) been dealing with pink eye and stuff like that. I think it happens when large groups of kids get together such as in school and things like that. I got it one year from my grandsons. It was awful.

I hope that you are feeling better soon. I want to say good to hear your voice, LOL... Good to see your post.

Luv and hugs, Karen...
Posted 6/5/2008 12:28 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you .
There are a few bugs going around here at the moment and my son has the other one so just hope he keeps it to himself ,but atleast he is able to lie in bed and rest something i can only wish as i have a little girl i care for who parents have to go to work .I could say i can`t mind her but then thats a big part of my problem i can say no to someone who needs help .She is no problem to care for and seeing she has already been exposed to my bug she is better here .Her parents are moving over seas in a few weeks and i am really going to miss her heaps she is what has kept me going in the past few months i look to her coming it gives me something to get out of bed each day and to focus on her rather than thinking of all my problems .
I did recieve your email and thank you i will return it when i have time to myself and not have everyone coming and going all day i need time to sit and the privacy something that i find very difficult to get here .
Restless
Posted 6/5/2008 12:37 AM (GMT 0)
I am happy that you have the little one in your life right now to keep your mind occupied. They are so sweet, aren't they. And the good feeling that you get from holding them. I just love it. I know that it makes you sad that they will be leaving, but just try to remember that good feeling that you get from the baby and hang on to that. Just thinking about it makes me smile.

Hang in there, I hope that you are able to make time for yourself. That is so important. Remember, think of yourself first. If you get that needed time to yourself, you will be able to function better overall. It is really, really important for you to have that.

Thinking of you,
hugs, Karen
Posted 6/5/2008 9:51 AM (GMT 0)
Well i have got through today i don`t know how and this evening have arranged for me to leave here tomorrow morning after the little one gets picked up i have to drive up and pick up my daughter .I really do not want to go .I dont look forward to driving all by myself the seven hour drive up there then having to drive home another seven hour trip .My heart is not in it at all and not sure i will even make it back .I text my other daughter hoping she would come with me but she has other plans so it looks as though i have to go .
Little jess`s mum told me this afternoon they are moving in two weeks i`m so sad just thinking about them leaving it`s just as bad the feeling i have when i lost my son .I have cared for her for almost two years and have become so close to her ,she is just like my own child.
I know i have to sleep well tonight as if not i`m going to be so tired tomorrow .
restless
Posted 6/5/2008 10:51 AM (GMT 0)
Restless
I am glad that you are feeling better,please be careful we all worry about you.

As far as your drive,what about taking some Cd's of your favorite songs, and just trying to clear your mind for the drive there? opening the window if you can,letting the wind blow ect ect...

Be careful,and let us know when you get home.
Posted 6/5/2008 11:21 AM (GMT 0)
Its good to hear from yiu restless, I was worrried about you too.  Its nice that you got to keep the little girl so long, I know your gonna miss her.  Maybe you can watch another?

Like Shy said take some cds with you, let the wind blow on you, if you can, it may be too cold.

And again please let us know when you get back, heres blessings to a safe trip.....

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