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Posted 7/29/2008 4:01 AM (GMT 0)
Karen it`s why i wanted two girls they are ok but i also have a boy .Just as long as they eat everything in sight up in the back yard i will be more than happy .
I only wish i could go to bed and sleep but as soon as i lie down my head just starts racing .I`m then not sure what is happening as i wake up in tears and have no idea what is happening to me .
Enjoy your rest hopefully you will have a peaceful rest tonight .
Jane
Posted 7/29/2008 10:55 PM (GMT 0)
I should of not expected anything from my family then i wouldn`t of been so dissappointed but it just goes to show me that not one of them gives a darn about me .Yesterday it was my birthday and last night hubby did finally wish me a happy birthday when he remembered and even after giving him some suggestions of what he could buy me at his request he said he didn`t get me anything .
Yesterday was not a good day and today i just feel so down .I know i shouldn`t let them get to me but they do and it really hurts some times .
Jane
Posted 7/29/2008 11:53 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Jane,

Oh the animals and birds are so funny.  I love to watch the babies play together. Triplets.........how fun for them.  Now you have to feed all the cattle.  LOL. And you have ice too.  That tickles my funny bone as it was 93 degrees here and very humid today.  I won't be laughing in December.

My bags are packed and we are off bright and early.  I love weddings.  I just love a good paty.

I hoe you handle those triplets with kid gloves..............oh my , Karen is rubbing off on me.

Hugs

Kitt

Posted 7/29/2008 11:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Restless,

I am so sorry. I would like to wish you a happy day though. It is sad when family members are like that. I am glad that you have your animals for comfort. They love so unconditionally. And know that we here love you too. And we are here for you so if you want to talk I will be around for a while.

Luv and hugs, Karen...
Posted 7/30/2008 12:23 AM (GMT 0)
Kitt i hope you have a wonderful time and that you end up with some lovely memories to last a life time .Travel safely and take care .


Karen ,i should of just expected it from this bunch .They sure know how to kick someone when you are down .No matter how hard i try it`s never good enough and one day they will just push that little too hard .
It`s been a full on morning here it`s just after 10 am i`m still in my pj`s only because i got caught up feeding these animals and cleaning up the mess the animals had made .So now i`m going to have a nice hot shower .
Jane
Posted 7/30/2008 12:32 AM (GMT 0)
It sounds like the animals are a full time job, but, if I know you, you probably wouldn't have it any other way.

Enjoy your shower.

hugs, Karen...
Posted 7/30/2008 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Karen it was really nice.
To make matters worse i just had a phone call and some subjects were bought up that really upset me .A lot of things i didn`t want to even think about .I know they were only trying to help but it made things worse .I just can`t cope atm I know these past few days have been really hard and i want to get through all this but i`m not sure i can this time ,It`s just one thing after another .
One thing i did learn last night never put three baby goats in your laundry .Holy hell the mess they made and the places they deposited their remains .Tonight they are outside again .
JANE
Posted 7/30/2008 10:54 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Jane

I bet you are going to be so happy when summer comes again, I know that winter can be depressing.

You are keeping busy,and doing so well off of meds. But,if you continue to not being able to sleep I would try to get something that helps. Not sleeping is not good for your health at all,and you need your energy to deal with your animals...something over the counter even.
Posted 7/31/2008 12:41 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Jane,

I hope that you are having a good day today. So it is winter there? How cold does it get? When does your summer come? We are having ours now.

Take care, keep posting.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 7/31/2008 1:02 AM (GMT 0)
morning all i know winter can be a real downer and i `m feeling it more so at the moment .It`s not that cold here only gets down to -1 the days around 12-13 .but i feel the cold ( don`t know why i have a great layer of flubber for insulation ) but then the summer will arrive around september then around dec jan we would probably hit 47 so a good extreeme .

Shy i have decided not to go back on the meds no matter what happens now my family just don`t give a darn no matter how hard i try so now they will have to just put up with the consequences.

Yesterday ended up a shocker i was in tears most of the day then my son really put me over after school took off to play golf with his mates instead of doing his jobs and then tell his dad he told me but at the time i was on the phone .GRRRRRRRRRRR i just can`t do this.
Then if things were not so bad by the time it was finally time to go to bed hubby was getting his crib ready to take to work in the morning when he yells out some good choice words that i will not repeat we all dash in to see whats going on and he is holding a towel that is on fire .i have it covering my glass cook top to prevent scratches. and some how it had been switched on .He then blames me for doing it when i put the frying pan away ( mind you that was four hours before the fire ) so i had really had it with this bunch of morons . Last night i took a couple of valium just to escape the rest of what went on .This morning my house really stinks because of the fire .( the towel actually melted and there was an oily substance left on the cook top .
Today had better be a better day not sure if i can/want to cope with much more .
Jane
Posted 7/31/2008 3:33 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Jane,

I am sure that today will be much better than yesterday.

I got to see the grandchildren today. It was wonderful. We had a bbq at their house. The food was great and so was the company. I just love those kids.

I truly hope that you have a wonderful day. Keep us posted.

hugs, Karen
Posted 7/31/2008 11:12 AM (GMT 0)
Oh Karen just to be around the littlies does make one feel so good .I really miss looking after the little ones i cared for .These days i`m just so flat out that i don`t have time for much else and with the tree new joeys arriving on sunday it will only become worse .
Not even sure i can get up to see the oncologist now .
Tonight i just feel so exhausted i`m going to feed my furrie friends and head to bed .
Hope you all have a good day over there .
Jane
Posted 7/31/2008 5:30 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Jane,

I hope that you get some much needed rest. I wish that you could make your oncologist appt. I think that is so important right now.

Three new joeys. Wow, that is a lot you have now doesn't it? I know how much that you love them. You are such a wonderful person to take such good care of the wildlife. You will truly be blessed.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 8/4/2008 1:04 PM (GMT 0)
Well just dropping in for a quick update on how thhings have been going .The past couple of days no matter how i try to help the more damage i seem to be doing .
This was my week with my birthday and so what they just didn`t give a darn so hence no more birthdays in this house ,.ALL this week i have yelled at and asked to do something for one of them or to be there at a certain time to help them do something for someone else .Then the only two times i really needed any help from anyone of them i was told thy couldn`t help thy were just too busy .
Am i the only stupid i=one here who take s this everyday from a family and am i just supposed to put up with it all and forget my wants or my needs .
Friday saw a big blow up with hubby and me because i didn`t collect a special seal for the repair job he was doing on his car ,so it`s all my fauly again.
I was so upset i even had to cancell my hair dressers appointment on saturday w=morning i just couldnt go out feeling the way i did .
I`m just so over this family ,I know i need to get out byt have no idea what i would ever do but don`t thing p would bealive long enough to see .
Tonight i`m at my parents house not really fussed at being here and feeling the way i do the only reason i`m here is to see my sister and my nicece who is fighting breast cancer she is only 26yrs old .
I have taken some pills which i thought were sleeping pills but not really sure that thats what they were but i suppose time will tell on that one.
I have with me my joeys and the bats as i have to feed the bats and keep them until the end of August .they made great travelling companions and kept me motovated the whole trip even stopped a few times to collect some fresh grass for them to munch on
Jane
Posted 8/4/2008 2:10 PM (GMT 0)

Good Morning Jane,

I am sorry things are tough for you right now but remember you are strong and you will get past this.  A belated Happy Birthday to you. yeah

I am concerned that you posted you took some pills but not sure what they were and hoped they were for sleep.  Please do know what meds you are taking and the classification of the medications. We are all here supporting you.

Hugs
Kitt

Posted 8/4/2008 2:17 PM (GMT 0)
kitt thank you .And goodmorning to you it`s 12.16am here so just morning .
The pills i`m pretty sure were sleeping ones but they were not the same name as i remember but tonight i really do not care if i sleep or not .
Jane
Posted 8/4/2008 2:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Jane,

This is Karen. Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and hope that you have a good day when you get up.

Please do be careful with the medicaiton that you take. Know that we all care about you here and want the best for you.

I am sorry that things are so hard at home right now, but remember what goes around comes around and this will all come back on them oneday. Not that I wish anything bad on anybody. But these things have a way of working out.

You are such a fine person. You deserve to be treated well. I know that you are facing a lot. And I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Luv and hugs, Karen...
Posted 8/4/2008 8:36 PM (GMT 0)
thanks Karen at the moment i just want to escape it all and everyone around me ,but like everything i plan there is always something to stuff them up ..I wanted to be away from home for a few days but then as hubby was saying good bye he then tells me that have to be home the same day as i see the drs as the son will be home alone .As he has to go away for work .
Why can`t men arrange things for themselves ..
What reallly gets me is that he and the son will be going away for a couple of weks one this month and one next month and i get to stay home by myself like always.AND WHILE I`M AWAY I AM NOT TO SPEND ANY MONEY ( THATS BECAUSE HE HAS TO HAVE SO MUCH FOR WHEN THEY GO AWAY ).
I just feel as though i`m the door mat for every one to wipe off all their crap off on .
Even with taking the pills last night i have only slept a couple of hours ,I woke up ages ago and have been lying here thinking ?( it`s not the bestt hing to do when so much has happened in thus house over the years,
I`m leaving here today and will go stay at my MIL`s but i know i will have her at me about the daughter who has been up with her for the past couple of weeks .For once i only wish she does not say anything .I really don`t care.
Jane
Posted 8/4/2008 9:14 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Jane,

 

I just wrote you a long post and then the forum told me that I have to sign back in and I lost it.

 

I am just so angry for the way that you are treated.  I surely wish that there was something that you could do to tip the scales a little, so that you could be more happy.  I know that you get the gratification out of the animals and all, but it is the humans that I am concerned about.

 

You deserve to be able to do something nice for yourself.  I would like to see you try to do that.  Just once.

 

Let me know how your day is going.

 

hugs, Karen...

Posted 8/5/2008 2:51 AM (GMT 0)

Hey Jane,

It is time to start sticking up for you.......................

Ten assertive rights of an individual

Assertive Right #1: I have the right to judge my own behavior, thoughts, and emotions and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequence. The behavior of others may have an impact upon me, but I determine how I choose to react and/or deal with each situation. I alone have the power to judge and modify my thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Others may influence my decision, but the final choice is mine.

Assertive Right #2: I have the right to offer neither reason nor excuse to justify my behavior. I need not rely upon others to judge whether my actions are proper or correct. Others may state disagreement or disapproval, but I have the option to disregard their preferences or to work out a compromise. I may choose to respect their preferences and consequently modify my behavior. What is important is that it is my choice. Others may try to manipulate my behavior and feelings by demanding to know my reasons and by trying to persuade me that I am wrong, but I know that I am the ultimate judge.

Assertive Right #3: I have the right to judge whether I am responsible for finding solutions to others' problems. I am ultimately responsible for my own psychological well-being and happiness. I may feel concern and compassion and good will for others, but I am neither responsible for nor do I have the ability to create mental stability and happiness for others. My actions may have caused others' problems indirectly; however, it is still their responsibility to come to terms with the problems and to learn to cope on their own. If I fail to recognize this assertive right, others may choose to manipulate my thoughts and feelings by placing the blame for their problems on me.

Assertive Right #4: I have the right to change my mind. As a human being, nothing in my life is necessarily constant or rigid. My interests and needs may well change with the passage of time. The possibility of changing my mind is normal, healthy, and conducive to self growth. Others may try to manipulate my choice by asking that I admit error or by stating that I am irresponsible; it is nevertheless unnecessary for me to justify my decision.

Assertive Right #5: I have the right to say, ``I don't know.''

Assertive Right #6: I have the right to make mistakes and be responsible for them. To make a mistake is part of the human condition. Others may try to manipulate me, having me believe that my errors are unforgivable, that I must make amends for my wrongdoing by engaging in proper behavior. If I allow this, my future behavior will be influenced by my past mistakes, and my decisions will be controlled by the opinions of others.

Assertive Right #7: I have the right to be independent of the good will of others before coping with them. It would be unrealistic for me to expect others to approve of all my actions, regardless of their merit. If I were to assume that I required others' goodwill before being able to cope with them effectively, I would leave myself open to manipulation. It is unlikely that I require the goodwill and/or cooperation of others in order to survive. A relationship does not require 100% agreement. It is inevitable that others will be hurt or offended by my behavior at times. I am responsible only to myself, and I can deal with periodic disapproval from others.

Assertive Right #8: I have the right to be illogical in making decisions. I sometimes employ logic as a reasoning process to assist me in making judgments. However, logic cannot predict what will happen in every situation. Logic is not much help in dealing with wants, motivations, and feelings. Logic generally deals with ``black or white,'' ``all or none,'' and ``yes or no'' issues. Logic and reasoning don't always work well when dealing with the gray areas of the human condition.


Assertive Right #9: I have the right to say, ``I don't understand.''

Assertive Right #10: I have the right to say, ``I don't care.''

Now it is time for you to be happy..............do not count on others to do it for you.

Huggles to you my friend
Kitt

Posted 8/5/2008 1:04 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you kitt.
I know what you are saying and thanks fo reminding me .I remember some of those points fom when i was in the clinic .I thought that when i got home from there i had all the intentions under the sun but they sort of floated out the window with the rest of me .
I know that when i go home on Thursday i have to make a few changes as i know i can`t continue as i am .I need the strenght and courage to speak up which is something i can`t do very well ( think it`s from all those years of surpressing how i actually feel about a lot of things )It was so much easier and safer just to keep my mouth shut and as we all know old habbits are very hard to break.
Tomorrow i will see the oncologist and i really concerned as i know things are not good in the area and today it has flared up really badly .I have hidden from everyone how i am actually feeling about it alll and as to what the next step will be .
Atleast tonight i feel a lot safer but only so cold this house is just so cold i`m sitting here in bed with a blanket around my shoulders as i type .But am hoping for a bit better sleep than i had last night .
Tonight my daughter rang to inform me she attended a car accident in the rescue service she is a member it was a fatal accident and it was a friend from home i use to drive their kiddies to school each day when i drove the school bus .He was such a lovely fellow and worked so hard all his life to support his family .I feel so sorry for his wife and kiddies .
Tomorrow i`m meeting with my sister and my niece we are going to spend the day together it will be so nice and i`m looking foward to it as heavens knows when or if i will see them again .My niece is only 26 and has been fighting breast cancer for a while now .
Jane
Posted 8/5/2008 5:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Jane,

How did you ever handle driving a school bus? I would be bonkers. I give you a ton of credit for that. It takes a lot of patience and nerves of steel. Good for you. I am sorry about your friend getting killed in a car accident. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Does cancer run in your family. I know that I should know, but what type are you facing. I feel bad for your niece, she is so young to be battling breast cancer. She is in my prayers too. I do pray everynight and I pray for all of you on healingwell. You all mean so much to me.

I hope that everything goes well at the oncologist and I hope you have a nice visit with your family. You deserve the best Jane. And your day is coming. I hope that talking to us helps you. Listen to what Kitt has to say. She is the brains of this operation.LOL... She always has a way of coming up with wonderful information for all.

I hope that you have a good day. Take care and keep us informed as to what is going on. We are here for you my dear.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 8/5/2008 7:22 PM (GMT 0)
Hi jane wanted to wish you a belated birthday, I am sorry your family treats you this way, i hope things get better, will be praying for you neice.

I would have posted sooner, but been with out internet for a couple of weeks.

Take care and ((((HHHUUUGGGSS)))

Posted 8/6/2008 1:32 PM (GMT 0)
Evening Karen,
Well what a day i spend a wonderful day with a couple of my sisters and one of their daughters i have not laughed like that in such a long time .But it sort of makes me feel really sad tonight as i know i won`t see then again for a few more years there ae just too many kilometers between where we live to even see them .Also to know tomorrow i am going home to the same old things and leaving this all behind me as memories.
I did go and see the oncologist and the news isn`t good he now wants me to see another specialist to have more removed .The nurse told me there was a twelve month wait to get into see this fellow but then the oncologist spoke to him and i have to come back here in a couple of weeks .
I suppose one good thing is he gave me something to ease the pain so i`m hoping in a couple of days it will feel a bit better ( i can only hope ).Tonight i have a bad head ache but i think it`s from just seeing the dr and hearing all of what i already knew.
Tomorrow i have to be up at six to feed my joeys and pack the car as i have a very long drive to get home it`s going to be hard enough just having to put up with my daughter for the long trip and being so tired isn`t going to help but i have to be home by six tomorrow night as hubby goes away tomorrow morning and won`t be back until late friday i do not want to leave my son home on his own considering some of the things he has done in the past .
My cancer is on my face and in my nose i have had a lot removed and grafting done but it`s still there even after radiation treatment so not looking good at all and yes cancer is the first biggest killer in my family all have died or had some type of cancer so far so the odds are against all of us .
My niece is such a bright and bubblie person and just being around her has lifted my spirits a lot as i told her those who have endured cancer have a better understanding of life and that we endure it for a special reason .I know her angels will protect her and keep her safe .


Sherly oh no how bad must it of been not to have the internet and not to have a release for all your worries i hope it doesn`t happen too often i have missed you .Thankyou so much for the wishes only my cyber friends and one of my sons cared enough to even acknowledged it but turning 50 is no big deal just one less year left to live .
How have you been hope you are feeling ok but it`s just so great to have you back with us
Jane
Posted 8/6/2008 1:38 PM (GMT 0)
Im glad he gave you sometihing to ease the pain, please keep appt in couple of weeks, im glad you go to lagh with your sisters.

wish you see them more often ,laughter is the best medicine..

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