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stop these horrible thoughts please.

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Posted 8/4/2008 5:35 PM (GMT 0)
Im a 26 year old mother to 2 children.I had postnatal depression with both my children & was on antidepressant for 8 years.I was neaver really better but coped the best i could,Not telling family or friends.Then this march i didnt take my antidepressant for 5 days,Dont ask me why because i dont know. Things got really bad i didnt eat or sleep.I didnt want to go out anywhere or see anyone.I started having this horrible thought ,Every time i looked at them i thought you wont be here soon  ,I kept seeing my self in prison for doing it.This thought took over everything in the end my mum took me to my local A&E as i wanted to kill myself.They decided to keep me in & started me on some different antidepressants.They upped the doseage of the medication everyweek as i didnt seem to be improving.After 3 weeks they let me go home for the weekend,things were still bad & the thoughts about the children were still there so i ended taking an overdose.My partner found me & took me to hospital.Once i had been checked over & told i was ok i went back to the mental health ward.That night i was took ill everyone thought it was something to do with the overdose. I was really scared & thought i dont want to leave my kids.After 3 days they found out my spleen had ruptured & i had to have it remove.After the op i went back to the mental health ward for 3 weeks, they then let me home.Things are still really bad i see the doctor everyweek & she keeps changing my medicine to see if i get any better.I dont know how much more i can take ive been to hospital for weeks & on lots of differnt antidepressants what more can i do.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 8/4/2008 12:10:38 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 8/4/2008 6:17 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Honey bear,

And welcome to healing well. I had to edit your post due to the violent aspect of what you were saying. I hope that you can understand, we have children as young as 13 on here.

I really am glad that you are seeking help for your condition and thought process. To be honest with you it scares me a little. I hope that you are improving with help.

Sometimes life just gets overwhelming for us and it truly becomes hard to cope. Try to talk yourself down when you get feeling overwhelmed like you do. Tell yourself that this too will pass and you will feel better soon. Seperate yourself from your children when you feel bad. They haven't done anything to deserve the wrath of how you are feeling. I am sure that you realize that and would never really hurt them, but just the thought is scarey.

Continue getting help from your psychiatrist and counselor. You can beat this.

Keep posting as we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 8/4/2008 7:59 PM (GMT 0)
hi karen thanks for your reply it helps to know there are people out there who will listen.I just want to say that i love my kids to bits there mean the world to me but i cant help my thoughts i wish to god i could.
Posted 8/4/2008 9:05 PM (GMT 0)
I think that just putting them down like you did and acknowledging that you are thinking in that way will help. Now you can deal with the problem.

I know that you need to feel better. I can only imagine what you are going through. And I pray that you get some relief from the symptoms of this difficult disease.

I am having faith that you will come to feel the love that you so desperately need. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Best wishes honey bear. I know that you are going to be feeling better soon.

Luv and hugs, Karen...
Posted 8/4/2008 10:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there and Welcome to HealingWell,

As Karen has said, getting your thoughts down and actually acknowledging them is a big first step and I really hope that it helps you. We are all here to support one another and we will always listen. Please never feel that you are on your own with your problems. Have you tried other methods of treatment other than medications?


Darren

Posted 8/5/2008 2:21 AM (GMT 0)

Honey Bear,

Welcome to HealingWell. I am Kitt.  I am so glad you found this wonderful forum where members care about each other and share and support.

I hope you continue to fight this awful depression and that you know talking to us is a good thing. There is something comforting about baring your soul to the members of the Depression Forum  and still being able to be anonymous.

Have you ever tried journaling your thoughts?  Journaling Tips that may help you.

1.Set your journal where you will see it everyday, i.e., on your nightstand, at your desk, where you have coffee. This will help to remind you to journal.

2.Part of keeping a journal, is not skipping a day, a week, and even months.

3.Writing a word, sentences, or paragraphs, journaling whatever you have to say that day is just the right amount to write.

4.Journal whatever is important for you to write about right then and there. I've journaled about a fabulous day I have had, my concerns about a friendship, my dreams for the future.

5.Keeping your journal private. That can mean setting boundaries with those in your home, it may mean hiding it, or locking it away. You will have to make an individual decision about what that means to you.

6.Re-read your journal or not. Rarely do I re-read my journals. Some people always read what they have written. Again it is a personal choice.

7.Remember to use your journal for your benefit and well being, what ever that that means to you. Keeping a journal is a powerful tool that you can give to yourself everyday. Plus, this creates time for you every day.

Also is there any chance you can see your therapist more often?  I do  hope you are talking to your therapist and sharing your thoughts.  I hope your relationship with your therapist is a trust relationship.

I am posting a couple of crisis hot lines for you.  Please do not hesitate to use them.

U.K. Helplines

The Samaritans 0845 790 9090

U.S. Helplines


The US Suicide Hotline 1-800-784-2433

NDMDA Depression Hotline | Support Group. 800-826-3632

Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433

Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696

Suicide & Depression Hotline | Covenant House 800-999-9999

Please keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, it is there and it is all of us holding candles to light your way.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt


 

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