Back Again

Heej everyone!

How are you all doing??

I want to let you know I am back from my trip to Rwanda. For those who don't know, I was there to help a local school, and we managed to do everything we hoped to achieve (library, theater, student organizations etc.). I am too tired atm to write more on the actual things we did there, but feel free to ask whatever you want to know.

The thing I do want to share now is how my overall wellbeing was, and still is. One word, amazing. I learned so much in that two weeks that I still can't quite see the entire picture. Of course I am excited now, and I think the true value of the trip will show itself once I get in a worse mood, but I have no fear for that. Maybe even curiosity.

Living some small building with 50 people will guarantee that privacy is a rare thing (I had like 2 or 3 hours of private time in 2 weeks). But, even when I felt bad at the thought of having no privacy, it was awesome. The Rwandan students we were with are some of the most cool and inspiring persons I have ever met. Most of them lost one or both parents during the genocide, and the way they cope with that is something everyone can learn from.

One of the most important things that I learned in Rwanda is the power of touch. I always felt uncomfortable when people touched me in any way, but there hugging and walking hand in hand with someone of the same sex is normal. And although I had to get used to it at first, now I can't imagine a life without hugs :).

If I had to choose one thing that made me the happiest on the trip, it would be the night before we left. There was this Rwandan girl that I really liked talking to, and the day before that night I hoped we could have one more conversation. That night, it got cold, and we found ourself hugging each other for more than 4 hours in a row, not because we where in love, but just because we liked it (and it was a lot warmer that way). I spent that entire night in total happiness, and even now I feel it glow within me.

Besides that, it was the first time I ever had to cry because of the goodbye. Not as much as they did, but there where some tears I had to wipe away. It where good tears though, not the frustrated tears I sometimes shed. More like tears of joy for the wonderful two weeks we spent together with our group. And I just know I will see them again.

As said before, I am still in a high of what happened, but I can conclude safely that the last two weeks where the best of my life, and I doubt it can get any better.

It's time to take a power nap right now, all the best to everyone of you, and talk to you soon!

Umunsi Mwiza,
Erik

Hi Erik,

That is such an amazing experience that you have had.  It sounds so inspiring and like a life changing event for you. I can't imagine what it would be like to go somewhere like that, but it sounds like you have given a lot of yourself and received a lot back - Karma!

Its amazing how different experiences can change our paths. It sounds like you acheived so much whilst you were there!  It sounds really interesting and you will definitely have to share more!

Erik,

Thanks for sharing, we are looking forward to hearing more about the wonderful adventure that you had. You are a special person, never forget that.

Hugs, ...Karen

Kitt, what a wonderful story you have, I would love to hear more of that!

And Karen, I think I will post my story on HW, since it also helps me with the processing.

So, let's start at the beginning. After a long day of traveling we arrive at Kigali airport. We are awaited by 20 students and 3 teachers, who are still pretty unknown to me. The students all wrote a letter which I had read, but only once. Some of my fellow students could already pick out some of them, because of the pictures that were attached to the letters, but not me.

The first thing that I noticed during the unbelievable happy meeting was the physical moves they made. In Holland, a simple handshake would suffice, but here you couldn't escape without a firm hug. For me, this was a bit strange and unpleasant, since I wasn't used to physical contact, but after the first few hugs it already started to feel familiar.

After an hour or so in the bus, we arrived at our place. It was small for our standard, pretty luxurious for the Rwandan students I suppose, when you compare it from were the usually stay. And immediately it became clear that privacy would be hard to find.

Ow, it starts to look a bit like a diary now. I'll summarize it a bit. After a night at Kigali, we (the 21 Dutch students, 20 Rwandan students, and 7 teachers) went to a lake. We stayed there for 2 days, with the intention to learn eachother, and do some early preparations for the theater. During this time, what struck me most was the open way the Rwandans lived together. They told eachother, and us, everything, and also physically they were very close. Taking a shower with 3-4 persons at the same time wasn't an exception.

After the weekend, we got back to Kigali, to the King David Academy, to start our program. We first focused on getting the books for the library prepared. We used the 41 students, and also other students from school who wanted to help in there free time. Most of this was during the mornings, while the afternoon was for the theater.

The King David is a very strict school, with some "bullcrap" rules for me as a Western students, like no dancing, no 1 on 1 between boys and girls, no singing except Christian songs etc. Of course, the students there couldn't break the rules, because as one of the cheapest and poorest schools in Kigali, it was there last hope. I broke all of them in the first 5 minutes :). Even the headmaster couldn't make us, or any students we involved, anything, because of the protection we had from the headmistress (who lies in the hospital). After a while our Rwandan students became aware of that, and it was really hard to get them to stop dancing and start working :).

In the meantime, I started to know the students better, and it was obvious that all of them would become friends, some for the rest of my life. In Africa, physical contact is so common, so much more than in the Western world. Walking hand in hand, hugging, giving someone a pad on the back, even if you don't know that person. Also, they share almost everything they have. Compare that with the Western world.

We finished our trip with of course the theater show, and the opening of the library. First the theater show. We worked really hard for 2 weeks to get everything working, and to built this huge stage and decorations. But 2 hours before the planned start of the show, the rain came, and it came hard. The rain season hadn't started yet, but it felt like a hurricane. I never experienced rain and winds that hard, and it destroyed everything. That came hard on some of us pretty hard, even on me, who normally don't feel bad about things like this. Luckily, there were enough Rwandans to hug :). Right after the rain stopped, some of us stood up and managed to get everyone to rebuilt in the hour left. It was are only option, and we did it. That gave me a real rush.

The opening of the library was ok, but not special. It was strictly organized, in a disciplined Rwandan way. Me and a friend of mine sometimes had to laugh at the remarks the headmaster made, which resulted in a couple of warning looks. Anyway, the real miracle happened after that. The placing of love for Africa in the deepest part of my heart. I already told you some about that in my first post, but I really like to give it a wider perspective.

This girl, Franklyn, was one of the girls I liked most of the 10 female students. We already had some good conversations which made me feel really good. I think because I always feel really shy when around girls, but since there was no real physical attraction, I felt way more comfortable. And of course because of the feeling of acceptance she gave me. Anyway, during the rain before the theater, we sat down together, and holded eachother for comfort. I needed that because I felt frustrated about the rain, she because of the visit to the genocide memorial and some other reasons. I think this is the first time I ever spent holding a girl for so long, it was about 30 minutes or so. That really gave me the best feeling ever. Especially because it was the putting to practice of my newly acquired skill to lay an arm around someone as a way of comfort. I never done that before my trip to Rwanda.

Anyway, because of that, I wanted to have one final conversation with her the following day, since it was the last full day we had. We would leave the day after that. During the day it was still busy, and in the afternoon we started to play cards with a whole bunch of students (I thought them a really funny game :) ). I wasn't after forcing a conversation, just hoped for it. After the cards, we had dinner, and after that some of my fellow Dutch students went to the school hair-cutter to shave of their hair :). Silly's, although they all looked good in there new non-haircut. But because of that, we couldn't finish the card game. In the meantime, the air started to cool down because of the sunset, and the Rwandan students became cold. As Dutchies, we had no problem with the incoming chill at first. After a while though, I started to get really cold, and Kellen, another Rwandan student, noticed. She gave me her robe and got herself another from her room. But the robe was a bit small, and Franklyn noticed, and got me a bigger one. We three sat down while I showed them the photo's I brought from Holland. After a while, Kellen left to write things down in some diary's. It was getting colder, and I noticed that Franklyn started to shiver, so I put my robe around her. On her turn, she noticed that I was now wearing a shirt only, and she put the robe back on me, after which we decided it was big enough to share. It was, although we had to cuddle together in order to fit in both. We moved together closely, which was a real good move, since it was getting even colder, and the robe alone wouldn't suffice anymore. After that we spent more than 4 hours talking, and hugging eachother non-stop. It was an out-of-this-world experience to me, and I was very aware of that. It wasn't a dream, a hope, a past that made me happy. It was the pure now that made me feel the best I ever felt for such a long time. Normally those feelings of total happiness and peace will only last for seconds. That was my uniting with Africa, the moment we put our hands together (and saw that mine were a lot bigger :), African girls really have small hands).

After that I got back to the boys room, but before I reached that place, I was pulled in the teachers room to explain what just happened :). They were in a fight over who the girl under the blanket was, and I had to give them the answer, as well an explanation why. After that, it was pretty late (nearing 4 am), and I had to get up at 9, so I decided to get some sleep.

The next morning was easy-going, packing etc. The afternoon was the time of the goodbye's, and that hour will stick with me forever. The Rwandan students just broke. If there ever was any doubt over whether they liked us there, that was the ultimate answer. The Dutch students overall coped better with the fact we had to leave, but not for me. It was the first time ever I had to cry because of an goodbye. I never even cried for the death of my grandmother/fathers, to put things in perspective.

At the airport, the sobbing continued, and we hugged eachother for 3 times at least. When we were just about to go through the gate, some of them came back. I really needed that last hugs to fill up the gap I still had in me, because of me leaving 20 new friends. I all promised them I will come back, and I will, as soon as possible.

As I wrote down in my diary, the last impressions will remain, and those last impressions were the best I could ever have.

This trip is the first thing I am proud of, ever. I am so grateful that I was able to do this, and I really think I have gave the energy that was needed, and more. I made new friends, discovered a part of the world in which I will always be welcome, and found a sanctuary of peace within me. I found a place in which I can put my energy in, were my energy will be welcomed with happiness, and were it can make a difference. I am forever grateful for that.

And one important thing I have learned from this project, except the things mentioned above, is the fact that one man can make a difference. This entire project started as the dream of one of our teachers, and gradually evolved into a tight bond between two schools, a bond which will be strengthened every year. I am happy to be a brick in this wall. I am happy, truly happy, for the first time in a long time.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to write things down here, although I am not sure if anyone will read this ridicules long item.

Now I have to pack my stuff for my big move-out-of-the-house tomorrow.

A big, 4 hour long hug to everyone!
Erik

I read your story and warmth,  filled me. How wonderful you feel comes shining through ,tell us more! Long hugs I'm sending your way. I'm of sicilian descent,so hugs and kisses  were part of the culture I grew up in. Thanks for sharing!!

                                                  Smiles and hugs,

                                                           gennie

**************************************************

Fibromyalgia,Depression,Anxity,PTSD,Chronic Fatigue.

Hi Erik,

 

Yep, smile and the world smiles back.  Most of the time.  I use to work in a bakery.  We would get a lot of grumpy people come in.  It was always my goal to take the crankiest and get them to smile.  It often worked.  Usually all you had to do was compliment them, but it worked.  It is funny to make somebody like that smile.  And such a feeling of accomplishment.

 

Looking forward to more of your wonderful stories.  I hope that you are having a wonderful day.

 

Hugs,  ...Karen

Thank you yet again Karen and Kitt!

It is funny, right now my college started (just today), and everything feels so light and easy. I find myself smiling all the time, even after watching the movie "Requiem for a Dream". Not because it is good what happened, but just because smiling is the only real thing that I can do that will help. And does it help!

I already mailed and phoned my friends in Rwanda, something I think I've only done for a few times before (contacting a friend I met on, well, vacantion). Everything feels so right nowadays, I think I've become an old and happy man. At the moment, I am just writing random stuff in a document, while sipping on a glass of good whisky (yet another thing I discovered in Rwanda ).

Here is a little something I wrote down, just the things how they came up in my head (please note I haven't been able to re-read them, so it might be real weird):

African Spirit


When the differences between two worlds become visible, so will the similarities. In an ideal world, the differences would be accepted and celebrated. In our not so perfect world, some are not.

And last impressions will remain.

Africa brightened my life. The people there brightened my life, the nature brightened my life, I brightened my life. How a simple hug can transfer so much more warmth than a handshake. How a simple hug can utter ones complete acceptance towards you. How a simple hug can changes a man’s life. In Africa, they haven’t forget this.

This is how I like to begin with my story, the story of my uniting with Africa. The story of how my heart finally opened, how I finally embraced myself, how I overcame the Western mentality. You might wonder why I mention Western mentality, or in equal measure it might sound oo so obvious. The truth is, the Western mentality planted a rotten seed in my soul. It began to grow as soon as I was becoming adult, when I started to see myself in “I” and “Myself”.

Have you ever said to yourself “I can’t .......... with myself”? Than you will know what I mean. It took me a long time to realise (with help) that I was thinking in “I” and “Myself”, that I was thinking of two, instead of one. It was a trip to Africa that gave me to finally unite me into one again, as it was during early childhood. It took two people to do that, two country’s. It took two weeks to become one again.

I know now that Africa is my sanctuary, my place of peace. My little island out of the human madness that rampages in the Western world. Where smiles are replaced by anger and numbness, where sharing is replaced by property, and where a hug is replaced by a handshake. Some argue that this mentality brought us the wealth we have now. What wealth, I say, money? The wealth to control the world? Is that enough to compensate for the fact that in Western societies the percentage of depressed individuals has gone sky-high? Is money an appropiate substitution for a smile? Not the fake showing of teeth that you see everyone, no, a smile of complete joy. Not a smile because of a funny remark, no, a smile to celebrate the simple fact that you are alive, that you are here. Have you ever smiled at a tree? Not because the tree looks funny, simply a smile of joy for the being of this tree. The fact that you are here to see it, hear it, touch it, smell it. To stand here, side by side. Have you ever had the feeling of complete acceptance towards this tree? And have you ever felt the tree’s complete acceptance towards your being?

Out of complete silence a sound comes forth, only to fade away once more.

Have you ever used your ears to hear a sound come forth and fall back into silence? Have you ever felt that extreme sense of peace that you get when doing that? What is the last time you conciousely listened to the birds? What is the last time you felt complete accepted by the world?

We as a human race are the pinnacle of evolution. Evolution brings advantages, but unless we are aware of our weaknesses, these advantages will bring harm to not only the world you sense, but also to you. We are now at a point where it has become so obvious that we are destroying, instead of improving. Now is the time for the human race to develop from a parasite to a healer, a protector of nature. Turn the switch, stop using, start cooperating. I think that is the next step in evolution, becoming aware and live in mutual peace with nature. Why that, some might say. Yes, I can’t deny the fact that the human race is able to manipulate in such a way that it benefits our needs the most. And yes, that way there are more humans that will be able to be fed, and thus more lifes on this planet. And isn’t life sacred? It is, but the life of a human being shouldn’t be worth more than the life of a rhino, an elephant, or a whale. Or do you think that the ability to kill every animal and plant alive gives us the permission to do so, or improves our status to that above wildlife?

Many don’t realize that, and who am I to blame them? Africa learned me smile at them instead of trying to manipulize them, control them. There is enough of that already going on. Furthermore, no one can ever be sure if he or she is doing the right thing for the right cause, since right and wrong are subjective. I knew that, Africa taught me how to use it.


Anyway, thanks again for reading all my way-too-long posts. I am just too enthousiastic I guess.

Erik

Another beautiful chapter of your experience. 

 

I really like the way that you look at life Erik.  We think a lot alike.  As far as nature goes.  I think we think alike in more ways than that too.  Our views on staying in the moment and the trees, also accepting ourselves for who we are and being happy with that.  Even recognizing our flaws and accepting them, and knowing that is okay.

 

I remember that there was a time when I was having a rough period.  My doctor at that time asked me if I had any trees in my yard.  Well I do.  I have many, many trees.  She told me to go out and touch a tree.  Think about it and appreciate it for what it was.  What you said about trees reminded me of that.  They are energy just like us and they are alive just as we are.  They are so very important in the process of life.  For without them we could not live. 

 

Well, I just wanted to say that.  So there is my short chapter.

 

Wishing you a wonderful day.

 

Hugs,  ...Karen

Thanks everyone for all your wonderful reply's!

I think I've just said about everything at the moment, although new chapters will be added, of that I am sure. One thing I really want to make sure, is a thing that I think can be a great thing to realize for everyone, especially here on HW. One man CAN make a difference. With more, it will take around the same amount of total energy, and thus less energy per person, but one man can do it. And, when put to practice, there are always people willing to help.

Of all people I know how hard it can be to motivate yourself, but the fact is you will achieve your goals. Maybe it would be a good thing to just figure out what you like, and spend like 10% of your free time every week doing that thing with everything you got. Schedule in a Friday afternoon for playing piano, helping kids, or organize an art auction for charity. Whatever you like.

All of you take care!
Erik