ive just joined this site to see if i can get some help

Hi.

Im really really fed up right now. ive just joined this site to see if i can get some help as most of my friends are either to narrow minded to give the smallest crap about my problems or i havnt asked them because of confidence issues.

Anyway heres whats happening, ill try and explain the whole thing in order of occurrence.

I then started college which were probablly the best years of my life, 2 years studying music technology. im in a band at this point we were probablly playing maybe one to two gigs every week which was good. i also had what seemed like the perfect girlfriend, i loved and still do love every single little thing about her. shes perfect (even if i didnt realize quite how much i loved her until afterwards) although she knew i loved her alot.

towards the end of the relationship i was getting very protective often being upset when she met up with certain people, i had a fear of loosing her to just about any guy. iit seemed like i was loosing a lot of my friends to university etc and it really brought me down.

current day: My girlfriend has left me, we still want to be friends but whenever we meet up i find myself being very upset in the evening even if we had a good day. i end up crying a lot, getting very anxious and cant stop thinking about memories and why were not together, its frustrating because she tells me shes still feels the same way as i do about her but she wants freedom from a long term relationship. i can never take my mind of her as i have nothing to do with myself. my band are probablly now touring 4-5 solid months of the year in 2 week chunks etc. which doesnt make time for another job. so i just sit in my room all the time doing nothing getting really down about the situation im in. ive also started taking various narcotics, i do this because they temporarily stop me feeling so bad. also i get no fulfillment out of anything im doing these days. even playing with my bands hardly gives me a buzz anymore.

im not sure whether to try anti depressants, i dont know if theyll help or be any good for me...one of my friends got much worse after taking them. i think i do need them to help me..as i cant deal with this situation for much longer..

i just want some help or any suggestions to help any of my problems as im at a extreme low right now and i have no idea what to do with myself..


Edit: I am sorry but you have broken just about every rule in rule # 1:




1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

Post Edited (Adam_thc) : 10/16/2008 3:30:49 PM (GMT-6)

Hello and welcome to HealingWell.  I am sorry you life has been rough but I do have to tell you that new members are required to read the rules and guidline before posting.  I don't mean to sound harsh.

As far as your problems, IMHO you really need to get connected with a therapist or psychiatrist. You have some major problems and addressing some of them here is ok but your biggest issues are you self harm and that of your friends and the pills.

I would like to see you get into a really good rehab facility and come out ready to start studying and find a career that will take you far.

Again I wish I had more to offer you.  Perhaps other members.

Again welcome
Kitt

Adam,

Throw yourself into the music and concentrate on that.  Remember to take care of you first.    You may want to check with your physician to talk about the depression and you can always come here to talk or vent.

Tell us about your band.................I would love to hear about it.

Kitt

hey Adam,

there are heaps of natural remedies that you can try, but make sure that you ask about them from your doctor, or if your not confident enough just speak to some one at your local chemist. they should be able to help you.

st johns wart - is a really good one for helping to treat depression. but make sure you ask about it, it can interact with alot of other medications, which is never good

there are also homeopathic treatments. i dont know if you know alot about homeopathy, but it mostly works on the concept of if you remind your body of what is creating the problem, then your body will fix it...so using the problem to find the cure type thing. there are different products to help you calm down from anxiety, and that can help you focus on what you need to focus on...

But as i said, if you want to try these things, dont just run off and buy them, speak to a doctor, pharmacist or pharmacy assistant...they can point you in the right direction....


good luck

shane

Heej Adam :)

Maybe that musician's are more affected by depression and emotion (I think emotion is the reason why we start making music in the first place). As a fellow musician (I compose) I am also having trouble with my emotions.
I have no experience with medicine's, but there are alternatives. Though I am not "fully healed" yet, I got out of the worst part, "simply" by changing the way my mind is working.

What worked for me was Buddhism. Yes, I know that sounds weird, but the way of thinking was and is just what I need. Be grateful for everything that has ever happened, since it was the best that could happen to you. Try to see the positive side of everything, and as a result everything will become positive. However, how easy the above may sound, it ain't. I am still having a lot of problems when I am around others, because of what they might think. What I did learn is to see the positive side of it. For instance, I am 18 now and never had a girlfriend. I don't care much about sex, but it would be so great to have someone that really cares for you. But there are positive sides to it. And seeing them will make it easier to bear.

So, what are the benefits for me for not having a gf? Well, a lot. By not having a gf when I was younger I know realize that things change. People change. And the reason I think why so many relationships are breaking up these days is because we all create an image of the "perfect" partner, while we tend to forget everyone is perfect when we fully accept them. Everyone is perfect in their own way. I also saw that there is more in life than my own happiness. If people will feel happier when they win of me, I used to feel attacked. I have learned to absorb that blow and give them their happiness, and by realizing that I lose nothing of my own. If you like this idea, you can apply it to your situation as well. Realizing that your gf is a human being as well (and every human being is on a search for happiness), you can understand the idea of her not wanting to have you in a long-term relationship. She just thinks it will eventually make her less happy.

Another positive aspect of your situation is what you already said yourself. Only after the loss you came to realize the true value. You became aware of that. The next time you will be in a relation you will remember that, and cherish it more. Sometimes a loss is needed in order to get us to higher levels of joy that where unreachable at first because we weren't aware of them. So instead of being sorry for our selfs, we can simply be grateful for the fact that we are granted the awareness to reach the next level. By being grateful towards a situation we instantly create a certain peace, a deep peace inside us. A feeling that even though you feel sad, it doesn't matter that much, for you know it is for your benefit.

I can ramble on about this for hours, but you should ask yourself a question first. Some people will find what I write the biggest bullcrap in the world. IF you are one of them, that is no problem at all, but there will be no need for me to continue. On the other hand, if you do realize that believing in something like this can change your way of thinking in a positive manner, I will gladly help you with it.

I wish you all the best Adam, and I hope that things will work out!
Erik