HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Dont know where else to turn...

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
1 2
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 11/16/2008 5:12 AM (GMT 0)

Lost hope,

I am going to try to be totally honest with you from what I am reading you are not even close to letting go. WE are here to try to help you. 

Keep in mind, Lost Hope, that letting go is a state of mind and is totally separate from your actions. Letting go is what removes the fear and upset so that you can see what action works.

The moment you become willing to lose her , the fear and upset lose power. The tunnel vision disappears and you become able to interact in a way that creates love and greatly increases the chances of the her coming back someday.  

Let go of your demands and expectations for how your life should be and make peace with the way your life is. Set yourself free inside. Then take whatever action you need to have your life be great.

Now this doesn't mean that life will turn out the way that you want it to. Life often doesn't. Trust is knowing that however life turns out, you will be fine. When you know that you will be fine

When you don't trust, life becomes very difficult. You fight, resist and hang on. You then make everything worse, which reinforces "don't trust." Calling and emailing and beating yourself up are only making things worse.

Trust is actually a choice. Trust is something you create. It's a declaration. "I will be okay no matter what happens. I trust, just because I say so." Trust is also telling the truth. You really will be fine no matter what happens. Life is only threatening when you resist. So stop resisting and trust. Trust that no matter what happens, you will be fine.

I have given you my best advice throughout your thread and I hope you will now  take positive steps and see a counselor. I am not a substitue for what you really need right now.

Every day members of HealingWell recover their Self-esteem, their self-worth, their dreams, their pride, their dignity and a meaningful life.

I wish you peace,

Kitt
Posted 11/16/2008 12:50 PM (GMT 0)
Heeja AL,

Karen is so right. You have to do this for you, not for her.

Why does the alcoholic still picks up the bottle? Because it is easier. It is easier to cope with the current pain by softening it with liquor than to live with it without any softening. The short-term pleasure of being drunk is easier for the brain to want than the long-term pleasure of sobering up. Our brains tend to think in short term pleasure most of the time.
But this question can be asked in another way as well. Why are we feeling sad? Because feeling sad is so much easier than feeling happy. When something "bad" happens to you, it takes no effort to feel sad about it, while it consumes a lot of energy to see it in a brighter light. The brain does not see that the energy we need to grab a positive attitude towards the event will be repaid in thousandfold. Because isn't feeling good an infinite times better than feeling sad?

Please try to find something that will make you happy, something that is solid, that can not go away. Things tend to change all the time, and holding on to certain things for your happiness can be great, but it can also bring you down when they are gone. Maybe there is a funny thought, a song inside your head, a story you've read that will bring a smile upon your face when thinking of it. Something that can not go away, something that you always carry with you.

Take care AL!
Erik
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12