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Posted 12/30/2008 12:11 AM (GMT 0)
Karen i do hope you and hubby are feeling a lot better sooner than later having a cold at anytime of the year is bad enough but in the winter time not so good .
You sure do have some rotten weather here i`m complaining of the heat and not being able to go out in it as i find breathing just so hard and there you are freezing your little butt off in a very cold place.
Winter time sure does bring the best out in us all there is no happy medium .if there was then i`m sure it would be so over crowded there would not be room to turn around in .
One day at a time is all we can ask for and to take it at ones own pace is all we can do .
As for my kids i really give up on them i have to ask them all the time just to pick up their dirty cloths they drop on the floor as they come in .to place their dirty dishes in the dish washer is like asking them to chop off their arm hell the machine washes them for them it`s not like they have to take time out to wash them .It`s just so constant i am continually asking them to do the things that one would normally do just as routine things .with the two youngest not 17 and 20 i`m still asking them to make their beds and pick up everything they leave lying around all the time .
I just get so worn out with the constant nagging them and if i just left it then this house would be so bad i just look at their rooms and it makes me sick just the smell of them i do not go in there and have not for years .
Snowflake
Posted 1/2/2009 11:15 AM (GMT 0)
Well this week is draging by so slowly and being so tired hasn`t helped .
For the second time in thirty years hubby and i went out new years eve one part of me wanted to go but the other was saying no and thinking of all the excuses not to go .But in the end we went which meant not taking any meds that day as i wanted to have a drink and wont do both .The noise was just so loud ( i`d much prefer the quiteness) i did meet some of the kids my children had gone to school with but this only made me realise how old i actually was to see these little boys who had grown into young men was good atleast they had survived to this stage in their lives .
We finally got home where i went to bed so exhausted but sleep was not what i got infact very little .these past few days i have been having night mares about my surgery waking up where i just could not breath .suffocating trying to gasp for air .i have been so scared to sleep each night ,even taking the medication the dr has prescribed isn`t helping much i dont think anything will until it`s all over .
I spoke to the dr he increased the morphine to 80mg a day now along witht he sleeping meds and all the other stuff i have to take .am getting to the point where i just want to stop everything again .I still have two weeks to wait until i see the oncologist again it`s going to be a very long two weeks .
Hubby has a good yelling session at the kids here today and yesterday on their amount of help around or should i say lack of it .Well my son has been wonderful and has worked so hard today ,but as for my daughter she has not done anything but i just wait one day hubby will crck and kick her out and i see that day getting closer and closer each arguement they have .
Snowflake
Posted 1/2/2009 5:27 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Snowflake,

I am still under the weather some, but feeling better.

I am so happy that your husband is cracking down on the kids. And that your son is helping around the house. They should. I just hope that your daughter doesn't wait so long that she ends up with regrets and guilt for not helping. But those things do happen.

I sent you an email. Thanks for writing, I always love to hear from you. I am sorry that I didn't answer your last post. I must have been very sick at that point. I still have a nagging cough that wont go away. I always feel worse at night. Coughing so much that it hurts my back and chest.

Take care my friend,
Hope to hear again from you soon.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 1/5/2009 7:00 AM (GMT 0)
Have not been around for a few days have just been so unwell.
This morning i decided it was time to get some help so i rang to make an appointment with the psychologist that comes out here only to be told she no longer comes as the air services to our small town have been cut due to one of the major mines near closing down .Just when i i could no longer cope with this on my own there is no help available.My family dr told me to come and talk to him ( that has not helped ) i tried it he just does not have any suggestions on how to deal with the nightmares i`m having except to tell me to take more pills.I`m taking so many at the moment i do not want to take any more.
I`m having nightmares about the amputation of my nose .I wake up at night feeling as though i`m suffocating i just cant breathe .Hubby has been really understanding but even he has no idea how to help me .
To make matters worse the treatment the oncologist has me on to clear up some of the inflamation does not seem to be working the severe nose bleeds have returned just as bad as they were when i saw him .The only difference is the local pain has eased somewhat.
Yesterday when i was so ill my lazy good for nothing daughter asked me what i was going to cook for tea when i told her i wasn`t cooking anything she went off and cooked not for the family ( her father and younger brother ) but just for herself i though just how low does one have to be .But i said nothing i found something for hubby to cook for them and i went back to bed .i just thought is one step closer to hubby kicking her out and believe me it must be getting pretty close over the past few weeks he has found out just how lazy she is .so i just put up with it until then .
Snowflake
Posted 1/7/2009 6:51 PM (GMT 0)
The nights are just so hard i sleep for a little bit them am awake for ages it sort of getting worse.It wouldn`t be so bad if i could even sleep during the day but even thats not happeing due to the heat.Even the baby bird we have been watching that hatched in one of our trees on the weekend died because of the heat and it`s only going to get hotter as this is not even the hot part of our summer yet.
There re so many things running through my head lately i`m finding it so difficult to relax even my relaxation tapes are not effective anymore i get through to the end of them now and still find it hard to relax .I`m sort of house bound due to the heat now and there is little excape from my family .It would be nice if we had some rain as that changes a lot of things and would give my garden a little more life back i just watch it dying slowly each day before my eyes knowing there is little i can do to save it .
Snowflake
Posted 1/7/2009 8:09 PM (GMT 0)
Awe Snowflake,

I am so sorry for what you are going through, if only we could trade weather, a little of it anyway. I am sorry about the baby bird, that must have been so sad for you.

I hope that you get some much needed rain and some sleep. I know that the insomnia must be getting to you by now.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 1/7/2009 10:18 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Snowflake,

Well the days are going by and soon you will see the oncologist so hang on sweetie. 

I am wondering if all the meds are giving you the dreams and nightmares?

I know you are afraid of the cancer and the possible surgery. There is so much to list on what you may go  through that isn't always talked about. You are sent home with a pamphlet and sometimes that is it.  Let people know what you are going through that way wyou  can see that we are all working to help you fight through this.  You will  have good days and You are sure to have crappy days and they aren't always even. You can't be positive all the time but it does help.   smhair   Let people know what worked for you. You should  wait awhile  for your  nose to heal before you go  out as the looks are hard to deal with some times.  Tell your story and if you have  and know we are here, we love you and we support you.

Here is  alink you may find helpful.

www.cancer.gov/cancerinfo/pdq/treatment/nasopharyngeal

You are not alone.  You always have your HW family.

Hugs

Kitt<!-- BEGIN attachments --><!-- END attachments -->

Posted 1/9/2009 6:33 AM (GMT 0)
Hi kitt i thought it was the meds causing them so i stopped them for a while but still they continued and putting up with the amount of pain was not an option so i had to go back on them again .I have even tried switching some of them around in a bit to see if it helps but not as yet .
This morning i woke up just so sick believe me this is worse than having morning sickness atleast in the end with morning sickness it`s worth it but having my nose removes is just not the same .
I tried to do some house work but i ended back on the bed just too ill .
I know what you mean by being given a diagnosis and being handed a pamplet and then left to work it all out .That happened with the first cancer and things just didn`t go so good then but this one is so much more complicated .
I have looked at that sight there is a lot more information in there thank you so much for that .
You are right about the good days and the crappy ones so far i have had one good day in the past few months thought things were going to change but it didn`t last too long .I have a limitation of what i can do and once i accepted that and the family finally understood it it did make things a bit easier .
Later on i will start a new post and tell of what it`s all about but at the moment i have spent enough time on the computer .Thank you so much for your help .I really do appreciate my HW family a lot more than they even realise .
Snowflake.
Posted 1/9/2009 6:39 AM (GMT 0)
Karen so much for the rain we never even saw one spot but sort of expected that and just look at the top end of our country in flood yet again .I t would be so much fairer if it was evenly distributed throughout the whole country instead of being in one place what a waste .
As for the sleep i have fifteen minutes here and there must be just enough to keep me going sort of forgotten what a whole nights sleep actually feels like now.
I have two Bower birds delivered here set to be released from their cages in the next few days my place is sort of a bird haven we have all sorts here .I think they all know now cats are around here and feel safe and protected .Just hope this hot weather doesn`t kill them .
I do hope you are starting to feel a bit better by now and the meds are starting to work can`t have you feeling sick too much longer .
Snowflake
Posted 1/9/2009 3:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Snowflake,

Those birds sound cool. You are such a good soul to take care of these animals. It really must make you feel really good to help like that. They are innocent and need somebody to look after them now and then. You are the perfect person.

I hope that your surgery goes well and that they don't have to remove your nose. I know that would be very worrysome to me if I were facing that. I am praying for you. You are really a very strong person, though it might not always feel that way. You take on so much, I am sure that staying busy helps you though. I am proud to have gotten to know you. You have become a very special friend.

I guess I have lost my objectivity on this post. But sometimes it is nice for it to become more personal. I wish for you the most wonderful day. I pray that you get some rain. It sounds like you need that so much. And it isn't fair that it floods some places out and others have a drought. It is like that here too. We get all the snow in the winter, but can't get rain when we need it in the summer. While south of us gets floods of it. That is life I guess. But it does seem like it could even out a bit.

Take care, my friend, Have a wonderful day.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 1/11/2009 5:45 AM (GMT 0)
the birds are cool but more to look after just pushing myself a bit too far .Today i swept one floor before i was sick this is really getting to me now .This disease has really limited just what i can do so much it `s hardly worth getting out of bed anymore .
Snowflake
Posted 1/11/2009 2:03 PM (GMT 0)
Keep pushing Snowflake.

I know that it is hard, but do the best you can. Don't over do it though. I know the feeling. Maybe you do need a couple days rest, but no more than that. You have to try to keep moving if you can. Even if it isn't much. Just don't give up. I know that you are a fighter and that will prevail.

Pamper yourself if you can. Take a nice bath with candles and relaxing music. Can you do that? Some times it isn't feasable. But hopefully you have a place where you can do so. Allow yourself to lay down when you need to. If you fall asleep, so be it. This is your time and you deserve to feel as good as possible.

How much longer before you see the doc? When is your procedure scheduled? We are here for you and always will be. Jane you are a nurturer to animals and the Lord will be your nurturer. Things will be okay. I promise you that...

Keep us posted,

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 1/12/2009 10:32 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Karen ,I`m so tired atm i really don`t know what i want .Last night was yet another night without sleep then this morning when it was time to get up i was just to tired and have been feeling so sick eversince but i think it`s more nerves making me sick at the moment .This afternoon we are leaving here and driving up to see the specialists tomorrow and that is really getting to me .Ihave waited what seems like ages to see hm this time but am more frightened of what he is going to say .
I can`t relax in our bath it`s just a little one if one end is in the tub the other is out so i just don`t bother but instead i have booked in to have a massage after lunch today am hoping this will make me feel a bit better .
The two birds i released them yesterday and that was great they are still here one came down this morning for me to feed him and the other one was out having a bath under the sprinklers in the front garden so i know for now they are alive and well .
Well i had better head off have so much to prepare before we go i just don`t want to do it that is what the problem is .
Snowflake
Posted 1/12/2009 10:59 PM (GMT 0)
Take care Snowflake,

I wish you well with your appointment with the specialist. I will be thinking about you. Let us know how everything goes.

Hugs, Karen
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