Questions ? - New Member

Posted Yesterday 10:53 PM (GMT -6)   by Questions?

I just found this website tonight. Of course I was looking for direction and help--obviously. My girlfriend/significant other of 12 years, has gone through depression issues the whole time I have known her. And she says as long as she can remember, even as a child. Through the years, she's tried different medications. They seem to work for awhile then she seems to get really depressed and it dawns on her to talk to her dr about changing.
Though for the last couple of months, she has been worse than I have ever seen her. I try to "help" but I don't know what to do. Sometimes I just try to be supportive, sometimes I urge her to just get out of bed and shower that she will feel better, sometimes I get mad and say she is not even trying. I know the last is really not helpful but there are days I just feel so helpless and she is so miserable.
She has an appointment on Monday to see a therapist but I don't think she can get involved with the medications. So this is what I need to know, how do dr's know what drugs to put people on and how much etc???

Are there tests that can be run to check hormonal imbalances? I don't understand how drugs can be working but then stop.

She is also showing very self destructive signs and never done that before either. Like saying, she is just so tired of feeling like this and can't take it anymore. Or there is no one that understands or loves her. That she just wants it all to stop.

I know the worst is for the person depressed but for the people that is very much affected by the depressions and loves them, you feel horrible that your loved one is in such pain but you can do NOTHING. It is miserable!

questions?
New Member

Hello Questions?

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.  Karen has given you some great words of wisdom. I just want to add I have had depression for 24 years and I can understand how the meds don't work.

I took one med for 14 years and it worked like a charm and then it pooped out, now I have been on the merry-go-round for 3 years trying to find the right med.

Depression is not fun.  I am glad you are supporting her.  You are a good person but do remember to take care of you too.

Again Welcome.

Kitt

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I have never "chatted" before but when I found this site and read for hours. I felt an overwhelming need to talk to people that have experienced the same issues. So that was helpful.

I am in this weird place that I have never been with my girlfriend before. After 12 years, I wouldn't have thought that I would not know what to do, say, or how to act. I catch myself coddling her. Asking her, "are you cold", "thirsty", "want to go to bed". I am just trying to make her comfortable, release her from any little bit of stress I can. But I am sure she can see through it.

I don't know what causes depression, but I know that my girlfriend had a very bad relationship with her parents and still does. I know that she asked for help when she was younger and her parents told her to talk to her pastor instead of getting professional help. There are many issues that I hope she can work through. I know that therapy is not a fix all and even if she was to make peace with her parental issues that it wouldn't necessarily "fix" her depression. But I just want to tell parents that might read this--if your child asks for help then get it for them!! Even if it means that you did something wrong! Or you know what--just b/c you CAN procreate doesn't mean everyone should. If you are f'ed up then don't have children.

Sorry for harshness but it is just so exasperating how much a bad parent/child relationship can affect you even many years into adulthood.

I still don't understand the medication thing. Is it just trial in error? Or are there test to check your levels to see if the medication is working? For example, if you have a thyroid issue then you are given medication. But then you take blood test periodically to check your levels to make sure you are taking the right dosage.

Anyway, thanks again. 1st therapy session is tomorrow!

I posted this a few days ago for another member and thought it might help you ....................

If you're depressed, you'll know exactly what it feels like, but putting it into words is rarely easy. If you're the friend, relation or colleague of a depressed person, it can be very hard to understand exactly what's happening. To sum it up in one word, depression is Hell.

Depending on whether the sufferer is experiencing mild or major depression, the actual strength of the feelings will vary, but the principle is the same - a confusing maelstrom of powerful negative emotions makes everyday tasks seem pointless. The sufferer is permanently miserable, and although in many cases they'll realise that there's no logical reason for them to feel so low, there's very little they can do about it because the emotions in their head are so powerful

Imagine going through day-to-day life, with nothing apparently wrong, but feeling as though every one of your closest relatives has suddenly died, leaving you totally alone. The experience often gets better in the late evening, but returns, just as strong, the following day. Quotes from depressed people compare the experience to;

a slow crawl through Hell

being a leaf in a strong wind

being trapped inside my own head

watching a film of my life

going through a dark grey shadow of life

looking over the suicide cliff

seeing the world through a plate of dark glass

being a kite in a hurricane - I daren't let go of the string
^{Resource: the Glass Bell Jar}

I know you need to take care of you but remember she is sick, and you love her.

Kitt

Questions, I have a suggestion, buy your girlfriend this book The Power of your subconscious mind by Dr. Joseph Murphy it's fantastic. I borrowed it from my friend, it helps you understand the workings of your subsonscious mind to increase your motivation. It really helped me a lot as a depressed person, I hope your girlfriend likes reading, this book is only 7.49$ on Amazon.

I think that the couples therapy is a very good idea. I don't know what to say about her friend. That might blow over. I hope so. Anyway this is somehting that you can adress at counseling.

Best wishes, I hope this works out good for you.

Hugs, Karen