Sunday roll call...

I woke up early again, thanks to my dog Dharma.  I was having a strange dream.  I dreamt of my late husband.  He was a very posessive man in his day.  The dream was wierd.  He was telling me that because of me he couldn't see his daughter, though he never had a daughter.  I asked him why.  He said because I was't there anymore to keep him on track.  I said well that isn't my fault.  He said because of me, he couldn't drive anymore.  I ask why was that, he said because I wan't there anymore.  I said that it was because of his driving record and he did that all by himself.  Then he shrunk.  I put him in this tool box that he had and use to keep locked.  I made sure not to keep him in the sun where he would get too hot. 

I think that this means that I am getting on with my life now without past influence by him.  What do you think that it means?  It was wierd that he shrunk.  And that I put him in a tool box that he use to keep locked.  I really think that this dream has a lot of signicant meaning.  I thought with an objective eye, like yours, it would give me more insight.

Hugs, Karen  and thanks.

Karen, When you dream it's your subconscious mind that is in control, and our subconscious mind can be tricked if our conscious mind is not guiding it, or making the decisions. so I think your subconscious mind was thinking your late husband was still alive. also whatever you see in your dreams could be false things, which although during your dream they may seem very true.

I myself had some very weird dreams too last night, and I can only remember 2 of them, the first I was imagining myself while I'm going back to hospitalization again but I was very scared because they cut my hand into 2 pieces the first time then they put it back... this didn't happen in real-life but during the dream It felt like a fact... the second dream I made a dozen or so tuna sandwiches, put them in 3 bags and dragged the 3 bags on a rope and went into the city dragged them behind me.. I planed to take a bite whenever I felt hungry rooming the city all day. I woke-up hungry though which may explain why I was dreaming about tuna sandwiches, so I had tuna for breakfast :)

Karen,

You did not think my " I have wanted to shrink people and put them in a tool box. too" was funny.  I cracked me up.

Well I will exit stage left and keep my silly comments to myself.

Kitt

Aww, isnt this nice! haha

I have really weird dreams all the time. The last one, I was at school outside on a sidewalk, I cant remember what I was doing, but I went across the parking lot and was walking along the road in the ditch. All of a sudden, a car came directly at me in the ditch, it hit me in slow motion. But, it didnt keep going. It ran right into me and I held it there. Although I stopped the car, it hitting me had actually hurt me really bad. I think I was unconscious after that and woke up(within my dream!) at the hospital in a lot of pain and a doctor saying I was about to go into surgery and asked if I wanted to see whomever had come to see me. It was a guy and girl, I would assume friends, but I said no because I didnt want them to see me in so much pain...I lay there on the bed waiting...and then I woke up!

But, I remember it, well, not like yesterday because to be honest, I cant remember yesterday! haha But, I remember it vividly. Isnt it funny how we can remember strange dreams like they just occurred, but we cant remember what we had for lunch!

I asked my mom earlier what today was! I know I have therapy Monday @ 2...but I hadnt a clue what today was...I figured maybe Saturday, but its Sunday(I think!) lol Im getting very uneasy...I have a long trip to make Tuesday and Im super nervous about it... My parents were talking earlier about going and about the doctor and everything and everytime it just shows me how little they know me and how little they understand what I go through... =[ I really dont want to go..... and it makes me angry that I have too...

So...... well, I really wasnt planning all of this when I first started this post! haha... I just tend to ramble on.. Take Care

Very much so, thanks. Im REALLY really scared and nervous. Im almost going out of my mind thinking about it. I am SO sick of doctor and I hate going to them. I just feel like this is going to be another time where I am let down once again. I hate hearing my parents talking because I can see how little they really know about me and how weak our relationships are. It only makes it worse. All this time I have been led to feel as if its nothing major at all. My mom finds ever way in the world to complain about her own stuff while disregarding mine, and my dad finds every way in the world to joke about it. I wish they could both just see how it has affected me. But, its like we are all just living in our own worlds. Similar to this site and me, my dad spends 80% of his time on a website for movie fanatics trading designs for movie covers. He talks to his guy friends from all over the place, similar to the way I talk to all of you. So, see, we all have our escapes!

But, I hate feeling like its nothing. The only thing my parents ever took serious was my little brothers brain tumor. Other than that, I have never seen there compassionate, scared, serious-like side... I was once set on the idea that maybe I had Lyme. Right, so I explained to my parents who thought I was CRAZY. They still dont believe that there are false positives and such... So, today they are talking about it because a former doctor of mine, her husband works with my dad and the guy told my dad that the doctors thought she had Lyme... so, this sparked this huge thing with my parents. This made me see there ignorance. My dad listened when I said it was possible to be positive and the test be work, my mom was like "well I thought it was lyme at first also...." WHAT???

I wanted to scream! I spent a year on a website for lyme disease and I learned everything about it and I tried explaining to my parents. I was the one who thought I had it, not her. They were talking about it as if they didnt have a clue, but I sat quietly knowing all the facts, at which one point in time I explained everything to them,....apparently they never listened.

So, you can see how this whole trip just frustrates me... Doctors will never find anything and people will continue to think Im crazy and not believe that anything is wrong with me. I spoke ot my principal about carrying a backpack at school...you know what he said when I asked him and told him I had Fibro..."I just dont see how one book can weigh you down..." ARE YOU CRAZY... You obviously havent seen my AP Literature book! He was VERY reluctant about it...finally he said I could carry on ONLY on bad days, and it has to be mesh and see through....

I hate where I live. I love the country and everything, but I ABSOLUTELY hate the conservatism... So, I cried. They just dont understand. Only you guys understand....ya know... Im tired of going through all this, its not worth it...