Am really depressed and I had been doing so well

I often help others when they post and right now I really need help and understanding.  I am in therapy so I do get help.  This year was the worst Xmas ever for me.  We started the day off fighting and things were like walking on egg shells all day.  Well, Xmas is over. I have been having car trouble for the past 2 weeks.  They finally found out the problem and it is going to cost me at least $600 to repair the car.  I have no job, have been looking for months and can't get anything. I am looking just for part time and don't need benefits. I have 25+ yrs work experience as a manager and I am just looking to do simple office type work but there are no jobs. I have credit card debt which is a lot but I can work that out.  I am living in a house I bought 4 yrs ago.  I moved from a big home where I raised my kids to this small really cute house with a beautiful garden. I have had nothing but bad luck since moving here.  I spent some money to fix the place up and it looks great. Shortly after, 2 months into living here I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had to have 2 surgeries and 35 radiation treatments.  Then my son, who has epilepsy had his seizures go out of control.  We went through a year of problems getting him straightened out.  I had a major flood in my basement from the first floor bath and both the bath and basement had to be redone, luckily covered by insurance. But seeing gallons of water pouring into your home is very hard.  I have had one repair after another in this house. I never would have spent any money to fix up the house if I had known I would have so many illnesses. I owe every dr. around here and am on payment plans to all as I can't afford to pay the whole bill.  And I owe the hospital which is going to take me 2 yrs to pay off. I had to have one of my precious dogs put down this year and my asthma went out of control. I also had to have surgery in Oct. for a growth in my uterus. Also, last year I thought I had found an ideal part time job, 3 min from my house.  The job turned out to be a nightmare and I had to quit after 5 months.  I know many others are less fortunate than me and I accept that things could be so much worse for me. But I am really feeling depressed.I keep thinking this is the bad luck house and I would move if I could but I couldn't sell it and I would never get what I paid for it. My retirement fund is dwindling very fast and I am afraid I will outlive my money. I feel like I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I just don't know how I will ever get out from under all these problems.I usually am so positive but right now I can see no light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know what I am asking, maybe just a word or two or a little advice.

Aurora

Thanks Karen for your good advice.  I will try harder not to worry about the future too much.  What is in the past is over and it won't be coming back.  I am still quite sad though as I just found out that a friend of mine I had known for 35 yrs just passed away.  I was really shocked so it is going to take me some time before I am myself again.  But as always, a very heartfelt thank you for being my friend and helping me out.

Gentle hugs,

Aurora

Aurora you have indeed been through a lot over the years and there is something good in that and that is you are still here .You have helped so many in the time you have been here it is indeed our time to help you eventhough it be only workds we can offer but you never know one day lady luck will be heading your way yet again .
As Karen suggested keep aplying for positions and there has to be one there just waiting for you to step into .
As for your friend passing it is a hard thing to deal with when you have known one for such a long time it`s going to take time to heal yourself but one thing you do have is the memories you shared use them now to get you through this tough patch it`s the only thing i find that helps .
Remember to get out for a bit even if it`s only a slow walk the fresh air will do you the world of good .Some days when i`m really down i call my daughter and arrange for her to either meet me for a coffee money permitting or to come up and have one here with me just to take my mind off my own problems for a bit .
It`s good you are going to therapy as they are the ones to help the best ( some of them ) they really do understand .
I wish you luck for the future and hope things change for the better just look at 2009 as a new year and a new beninning for the rest of your life .
Snowflake

 

  Hi Aurora,

  I havnt' met you before but read your post tonight while dropping by the forums and was moved by all you are going through.  Just wanted to say I hope things will get better soon and I second what Kitt wrote:  try to get some rest.  :0)  Put on some soothing music, or sit outside in the sunlight (or is it winter where you are too?  )  In any case, just try to give yourself a hug, however that might look.  When so much around us is out of our control, it's always good to reconnect with the things in life that give that sense of stability and everything turning out okay in the end. 

  wishing you joy for the journey,

  manyembers

Missing Key Value : en-US, 736

Aurora,

I think that with the help of eachother, we can work wonders. Things take time though, but as long as we can encourage eachother, we can make it.

So keep your chin up, give yourself a pat on the back and remember that we are all here for you.

Luv and hugs, Karen