A need to get it off my chest

I went to my therapist, and told her I had done a lot of talking about my first Husband, you might have read my answers to a few of you who want to give up on life. He did and it was 27 years ago and it still bothers me to this day. He committed suicide, May 11, 82 at 10:10 in the morning, Its hard on me because at the time we were separated. He was living with someone else and married to me. But before he died he made sure I would be taken care of for the rest of my life. I have so many questions he can never answer. So my therapist told me to write him a letter. I tried...... But I know I won't know any more than I did before so it makes no seance to me now... It still bothers me and He is a part of my depression.....I could not do to my family what he did to me.... But there are so many days I wish I could go to sleep and not wake up..... I have found life is very hard for the average person to deal with, and I don't know how they do it at all....I try to all the time to keep a smile on my face, and I'm crying on the inside....and trying to deal with being sick all the time is really driving to the edge...... and then I start all over again,with thinking about my first Husband, feelings, question,and dealing.....



Dawn

Awe Dawn,

I am sorry that you are going through this. But it can take years to get closure. But I feel that you will. It is a good thing that he left means to take care of you with. That shows that he genuinly cared about you.

Try to take things one day at a time. Try not to think about the past or worry about the future. With practice of this, I think that you will find that the past will go into the past where it belongs.

Did you try writing the letter? It sounds like good therapy to me. Though it might not to you at this time, but I think that it is worth a try. Do you talk to him? That is something that you could try. Get your feelings out there. Maybe you are angry, you have a right to be.

I lost my nephew to suicide in September of 2008. It was awful hard. There are a lot of unanswered questions rolling around in my head. Though I try to find solace in knowing that he is in a good place. It is just that he left behind his daughter who is about 2 1/2 years old. It is hard because she is always asking for Daddy.

Allow yourself the grieving process, even though it has been a long time. You still deserve that time.

It is hard to find the right words right now. But I hope that this has helped you some. Just be good to yourself and allow the grief. Try the letter or talking to him. I think that will help you to find closure.

Best wishes for a wonderful day

Hugs, Karen

Dear Ne Ne, None of what happened is your fault.  There are always some bad feelings when such a sad event occurs but I am not sure how you can get your questions answered.  You say you have been married again for 25 yrs. and have daughters.  Can you put your energy into caring for and about them?  It sounds like you have a very nice family now.  Have you tried to write your thougts out?  Sometimes if you just sit at your computer, type what ever comes to mind.  I know this happened a long time ago but have you considered going to a grief support group?  You may even be able to find one online and that could help you write what you are feeling and get some feedback from others who have been in your situation.  Things happen in our lives that we may never be able to understand or have the answers to.  I think acceptance may be the key to moving on from your pain.  The past is gone and that is something that cannot be changed.  I think a support group would help you and trying to look forward to the future with hope may bring you out of this. You have 3 daughters who must have events going on in their lives.  Any graduations or  big birthdays or maybe even weddings to look forward to?  Look to the future with the idea that you can put the past behind you and share the joy of all you have with your wonderful family.  Please let us know how you are doing.  I really care and would like to hear from you again.  I will always be here to answer your posts.

Gentle hugs,

Aurora