How do you Open Up/Talk to a Shy Person??? (shy people most welcome!!!)

Let's say you have a particular classmate that's constantly on their own (as in, always sitting by themselves, etc) and every time you try to talk to them the conversation either ends really quickly and/or sometimes (unfortunately) becomes awkward...what would you do? How do you open them up?

People may ask me why I care...Well, let's just say that I was once shy and worked really, really hard to overcome it. It would've been nice if someone talked to me but a lot of it was done through hard work and joining clubs (such as Toastmasters) to overcome my fears. The thing is, it's difficult for me to relate because it's been so long since I was in that position. And I'd love nothing more than to talk to more people, especially people that I've always found interesting but never really had the chance to get to know (because of their shyness)

So my questions, in no particular order are:

1) What do you ask a shy person without sounding corny? Asking things like "How's the weather?" or "What do you plan to do after University?" are, in my opinion, not the best openers. Think "high-school" type of questions, things that won't come across as awkward, weird, or both.

#2 is aimed for shy people but anyone's opinion is welcome
2) If you're shy, what do you think would be a legitimate question to ask...what would make you want to come out of your seat and join a group, knowing full well that the group you've been listening to across the class isn't as evil as you may think?

Would you mind it if we asked you to come join us, or would you find it better if I personally came up to you and said "hey, can you help me with something over there?" - Would you budge?

How about if you were asked to see something, like if I said "hey, want to see something cool?" and asked you to come over...would you feel awkward or would you simply go with it...knowing again that *I* am not exactly an evil person that would try to humiliate you? Would you still come over?

3) Lastly, why do you think people are so shy? Why does someone not speak at all, knowing full-well that they're smart and interesting inside?


Thank you all so much for your help and honesty!!

Shy people I think are afraid to talk in front of other people. Unless they just don't talk much period. So I guess you have to be the one to break the ice. I think that you realize that... Sometimes they have anxiety about talking. Which goes back to being afraid. Sometimes they are afraid that they will mess up. And because they are nervous, they sometimes do.

I would approach her like any other girl. Just be prepared to do most of the talking.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Hugs, Karen

Really thoughtful replies so far, thanks guys

wow skillet we are so much a like, you remind me of my teen-age days :) like I said It's eazier for me to do a 1 on 1 but the more people the less I want to talk.

Ahh I remember even when I was around 25 at work, meeting new people asking me questions infront of a group that I paniked and could not utter one word, they were like whats wrong with you! sometimes I used to panic so much that words just can't get out.. it's terrible >< but thank god the older I got the less this happened...

I managed later in life, to do presenations something I was always afraid of, but if you put your mind into anything you can do it, as long as you prepare well, it depends a lot on your preparation but I never imagined one day I could speak infront of a group of people like 100 so :) without any notes!

karen, you would laugh if I told you have I managed to do my first ever presentation!
it was in university, and the class was full of girls and I am naturarly more afraid to speak infront of class full of girls, because I'm such a shy person. I didn't know what to do .. I knew I will mess-up and forget what I have to say.. so, what I did was, I decided to write down what I would say on a 2 page paper, then memorized every single word and reherced alone untill I felt comfortable I won't forget any single word lol , and the next day I did the presentation everyone was amazed, it was the best presentation in the class and I got the highest score :)