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Why do I keep doing this to myself

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Posted 1/26/2009 8:43 PM (GMT 0)
This is my first post on any kind of forum. I would say of all the topics, Anxiety and Depression are the best fitting. These problems are effects of other problems I have. I know I have a drinking problem. I can say no, thats not it, its once I start, and get drunk, I make awful stupid, decisions. My divorce from the man who gave me two beautiful children will be final on the 30th. My younger sister (25) just had heart surgery. Needless to say, I am stressed. I went out with some "friends" on saturday and got way to drunk and made a stupid decision that I thought I had left only in my past. I was very promiscuous as a late teenager before I wed. My lifestyle since I left has returned to that of drinking and carelessness. I am so angry with myself. How could I do something that could harm myself? I have seen counselors before, and the last one said, I have a love addiction. I can't escape it and its comes out when I'm drinking. I can't even respect myself I feel like this is the lowest point in my life. I feel trapped and I really don't know where to go or what to do. I know I need help, and I am planning on going to AA this week. I thought I left all that behind me. Here it is again like it never left. Its so hard for me to understand, I'm not sure how anyone who reads this will see it. I can't even bring myself to go to confession, because I have done that before, and here I will be again with the same sins. How do I escape this, How do I never let this happen again, and I guess the most painful is how do I forgive myself for this?
Posted 1/26/2009 10:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Lost,

First of all, welcome to HealingWell.

I think that you are already doing the right thing. You came here, that was good. You have planned to start AA. That is great. You know that you have a drinking problem, so you need to say no to that first drink.

I have a good friend that does the same thing. She gets drunk easily now, from years of drinking, and she always does something that she thinks is stupid. So she always regrets it. She quit drinking and she still has fun with social events. So it has worked out. She has stopped drinking a few times, so don't give up on that. You will come to realize that it isn't worth all of the guilt and turmoil.

Dont' be so hard on yourself, you are trying. Give yourself a pat on the back.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/27/2009 12:29 AM (GMT 0)

Lost123 said...
 I have a love addiction. I can't escape it and its comes out when I'm drinking. I can't even respect myself I feel like this is the lowest point in my life. I feel trapped and I really don't know where to go or what to do. I

i dont believe you have a 'love addiction', rather you 'need' male attention to feel worthy, cos there is no love invovled when it comes to promiscuity. I am not judging you, we all want and need love and alcohol is letting your free your inhibitions. please stay with us and keep us posted. its awesome that you recognise your issues and are taling steps to start AA etc.

we are here for you always,

Maz XX

Posted 1/27/2009 5:29 AM (GMT 0)
Lost 123,

I don't know how closely i can relate, being sixteen, but i can say something about the alcohol use, being an addict myself. My fixing is opiates and other pills mostly. But heres the thing, you never can say it'll never happen again. Thats an unfair thing to ask of yourself. Try the philosophy of "one day at a time", it really does make a difference thinking of it that way. Its getting yourself through the day, what you'll do tomorrow to stay clean you'll deal with when it gets here. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone. Sometimes you'll do things that no matter how bad you want it to go away it won't, but you can't let that stop you from moving forward. What has happened has happened, what can you do, turn back time? Look toward the future. The more pessimistic you look at things the more that glass will look half empty. Deffinitely try the meetings, see a personal therapist, do anything that is good for you, not what feels good, but what is actually good for you and your soul, it'll make a world of difference.
Hope I was helpful. Keep on trying, Lost 123, you can shape your own reality.

Crass
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