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Posted 2/3/2009 5:40 PM (GMT 0)
I'm feeling low....I feel like I'm at a stand still....I feel like I've just been trying to "get through" since my last post....I do have my follow up dr appt this friday since being prescribed my meds....I'll tell her about how the past 4 weeks have been and she may adjust my dosage's and such....I don't really know what else to say but UGH!!! This is hard, it's hard to keep moving forward when you feel like you just don't have it in you....I don't have that "feeling good" euphoria when I first started....It's gone, my stamina that I had is gone and I feel like my days are just repetitive....My son can't go to care for the next 2 weeks because we can't afford it, my SO lost $300 dollars out of his pay last month...I feel guilty for keeping him out because he was getting so comfortable with being there this past month....I feel guilty because I've been feeling like I just don't want to be around him....I'm tired of contantly caring for him, I love him so much but I need a big break, like a few days would be nice....I am greatful of the fact that he's been in care but maybe some of you can understand what I mean....Anyway thanks for listening. cry
Posted 2/3/2009 7:48 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Hope,

I think we all need a break sometime. You need some you time I think. Is there anyway that you could get away for a small vacation away from everybody? If not, try to do something good for yourself. Even if it is just taking a nice relaxing bath with some candles and music.

Don't feel guilty, you are doing a lot and you need to think of you. I hope that your doctor's appointment goes well. Remember that this is a hard time of year and everybody is going through a hard time with this season. The days are getting longer though and spring is on it's way. So this could be kind of normal. I think that everybody gets a little down after the holidays. Don't be so hard on yourself, you are only human. And you have feelings.

Luv and hugs, Karen
Posted 2/3/2009 8:35 PM (GMT 0)
My mom is coming down this Friday for my b-day, I can't wait to spend time with her, I miss her and I hate that we don't live close by. So on Sat me and my SO will be going out in the later afternoon to go bowling and to dinner, we haven't had time for ourselves in god knows how long. So she's doing it as a b-day gift but she says it's more of a gift to her to have time with her grandson. There is a week coming up in April, my SO's parents will be here and he will take a week of vacation, so we are going to tentativly plan to go away for a couple of days, depending on what we get back in taxes and such. It's not about just having a break but it's everything that I'm feeling right now. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be and do the things I want. It just seems so hard to get in a better space in life right now. I ordered my self help books a week ago and they are just now being shipped out so now I have to wait even longer for them. Sometimes I feel like I'm just relying on other things to get better instead of doing it myself. Like my books, I just get through until I have them then I have something to look forward to. I also don't feel like my counselor has been helping me, she is a nice lady but I don't really feel like she's giving me tools to understand why I feel the way I do about certain things or how to go about changing it. I feel like we just talk, which it feels good but I need better feedback. Anyway I'll stop for now.

Posted 2/3/2009 9:12 PM (GMT 0)
It sounds like youhave a lot to look forward to. For that I am happy for you. I hope that your time with your SO is a wonderful relaxing time.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/3/2009 9:33 PM (GMT 0)
Wish,
Happy early birthday! I'm glad to hear you'll at least get a little break to have some time for yourself. What a great present! I sure hope everything works out with your psych appointment.

Maybe you need a new counselor? Or else perhaps you can tell your counselor that you need some more feedback from her during your sessions.

best wishes with everything,
frances
Posted 2/4/2009 4:22 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the happy birthday wish....I can't believe it's going to be here soon....I'll be 28 and it feels as if I'm starting life over....I just feel so broken down, there are things that I think about and come to realizations.....I have no confidence or good self esteem, it's hard for me to get out of my house because the outside world is so intimidating to me....I feel uncomfortable being around other people because I feel like they are more successful then me, that they have it together and here I am a nobody and I feel like I'm nothing....I feel that people can see that about me and judge me....When I went to the pharmacy last the girl at the counter asked for my birthdate and we had the same birthdays but she was 87....I came home and thought about it, she is 22 and she works in a pharmacy....I'm almost 28 and I feel like I've never made anything of myself.....I've been angry because I've come to the realization that my parent's didn't give me any life skills, they didn't prepare me and instill the things I needed to be an adult....That's why I feel like I've just gone with the flow of life....I can't sit here and blame them for everything but it's something that has really stood out to me and I'm pissed about it....I'm pissed because I'm tired of struggling, sometimes I just wish I could be a normal person....I'm just so tired of going through this and it feels like I'll never get there....I tend to think that a lot of it is my fault which screws me up even more....Everything is just sad to me and it hurts me to realize some of my issues....Thanks for letting me vent.
Posted 2/4/2009 4:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Hope,

The one thing that we shouldn't do is compare ourselves to others. There will always be greater and lesser people than yourself. You are traveling though your own adventure of life and everybody is important. We all contribute one way or another. But I have done the same thing. I am fifty and haven't accomplished much in the way of making money and other skills. But I know that I am a good person. I am just different in my own way. I help others as much as I can and try to contribute in that way. So try not to be so hard on yourself. And remember you are not a nothing. You are a very important person in this world.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars andy you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be. I took this from a writing called Desiderata. You should read that sometime. It really gives peace to the soul and is comforting.

I hope that you can see that you are a very important person in this world. No matter what you have achieved within your time. And you are young, you can always go back to school if you want. There are government grants to go to college. They are free and don't have to be paid back.

So try to see yourself in a different light. Try not to compare yourself to others. You are a good person and that is what matters. There are many sucessful people that aren't and I wouldn't want to be in their shoes for anything.

Peace be with you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 2/4/2009 8:43 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Karen for being so supportive...I have thought about going back to school at some point in my life....I try to think about what I would like to do or even just everyday things (like a hobby) that I like and I can never come up with anything....I wanted to ask where would I go about looking for a government grant? Thanks
Posted 2/4/2009 9:14 PM (GMT 0)
I was just looking on the internet the other day about them. I think that I just typed in 'government grants' and it took me there. They have a free dvd that you can get, but they wanted my credit card number for shipping and I didn't do it. I am still thinking about it though. There is suppose to be a lot of money sitting there. If I were you, I would type in "college grants' though to narrow it down so you don't have to search so much, either that or educational grants. I went to college on a grant for a couple years. I remember that they go by your income. I hope that you can get one. It might just be the ticket for you to go back to school. I still think about it, I never finished. And I could have two degrees with 12 credits if I went back. I don't think I took it serious enough. Now I would need a lot of refresher courses with all the changes. Plus it has been so long ago.

Let me know what happens when you check it out. I really hope that you will be able to do this. It is exciting.

Have a great day

Hugs, Karen
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