I'm being a brat (putting it mildly)

So I called on Friday to my PCP to change my meds because I've been spending way too much time in my "cave" as my boyfriend calls it (my room). I forgot, though, that their hours are much shorter on Fridays. Apparently people aren't sick, or don't need help on Friday afternoons.

In any case, it leaves me here....I'm being so mean, and I don't mean to be. My BF just came downstairs and I just snapped at him. Then I left the room, and took a shower, because I didn't want to be mean again. We had pizza earlier, and he made no attempt to clean up, and I just want to scream at him and tell him to do his part, etc. But I'm just keeping my mouth shut. I feel so out of control. All of my thoughts are mean, and I'm trying, really trying to be nice. I think part of it is that I want him to notice that I'm not doing well. Is it naive of me to think he should notice. Naive to think he should know to try to help. I don't know. Maybe I'm being stupid, maybe I just should spell it out to him.

Thanks for listening.

He just asked me why I was being so short with him, why I was answering in only one word and asked if maybe he should go upstairs and leave me by myself. I think that's probably best for now. Even though I want him to hug me and tell me it'll be ok, it's more likely I'd yell or be mean unintentionally.

Thank you, Kitt, for being there. I appreciate it so much. Hopefully once my meds are changed, this will ease up.

For now I'll just try to relax by the fire and watch the snow fall outside! Who doesn't like snow in March? I love it!

I thought I was calming down, and told the BF I was trying, and I didn't think my meds were working right. Then.....I snapped again. I feel horrible. He let the dog inside, and she brought in snow, and before he could make her stop, she was in the house, past the towel on the floor meant to dry her, and I just snapped and yelled. So we both had it out, and yelled for a minute, then I guess it hit him that something was really wrong (I don't cry a lot, even when I get mad) so he sat down and gave me a big hug and told me to tell him what's going on. So it's all out in the open. I told him really, I'm trying to be nice, to keep it together, but I feel like I'm losing it. What a good BF he is though. He said he knows I'm not like this, so he understands.

Thanks for listening, again. It's calmed me down just to get this out of my head. I've stopped crying, I'm calm again. I'm going to call my dr in the morning. I can't be like this for 3 more days. He, or anyone else, doesn't deserve the wrath of me right now!

 So today has been a much better day.  Because it snowed (and in Georgia people freak out) my doctor's office had cancellations and I was able to be seen this morning.  They gave me prescriptions for a mood stabilizer (seroquel) to take starting once a day, then eventually twice a day and clonazepam to take when I can't get out of the bratty mood like yesterday.  So hopefully things will start getting back to normal soon!

Have any of you taken these meds.  I don't know what to expect with them.

Thanks!

Thanks Karen for your support.  It means a lot.  After having a rough last week, and terrible day yesterday, I came back to work and not a single person asked how I was or if I was ok or anything.  It makes me feel terrible that these people I'm around 40 hours a week don't even care.  I guess they just don't understand.  But I do have people outside of work that love me and care about me, and I'm going to focus on that!