WHY Do People Not Listen???? I cant do this any more...

Things seemed to be getting better, but they keep going wrong...

People make jokes and poke fun at issues they should know they shouldn't... today in gym, my badminton partner saw all the scars and scratches on my arms and shoulders (curse tank tops, curse them i say) and started making jokes about how I should hurry up and kill myself! All his friends joined in and I felt horrible. Dont they get it, that suicide is actualy looming in front of me.

I cant talk to my mom, she complains about everything I do, but recently I have no energy for anything. I have headaches all the time and feel sleepy, but when I go to bed to sleep, I cant. I lie awake for hours. It's doing my head in. I cant focus on anything, I really cant, and teachers and my mom keep yelling at me. I cant handle it any more, I really cant.

I tried talking to my friends, my boyfriend and a teacher, but all the advice is the same: forget the past, realize you're worth it.

But I cant find it that easy, I'm a wreck and suicide is more and more on my mind. When I talk about it, I feel like I'm complaining. I'm not even sure if this makes sens but I'm so totaly stressed and I cant take anything any more. I'm on the edge of a breakdown and I'm really scared.

I sometimes really just want to give up.

Sorry if this is a stressed ramble, but I'm a 15 year old with nowhere to turn.... advice- PLEASE?????

Thanks for reading xxx

Well, I feel I can empathize with you. Im 17 and I'd say I've been through what you explained. I still am. But, your not alone. Those guys are full of themselves and they shouldnt have done what they did. Suicide isnt something to laugh or joke about, ever. People at school can be tough because 1) they dont seem mature 2) they dont care if they hurt you 3) it may seem like no one there is on your side. I feel like that a lot.

Im not close to my family so that was a dead end. And talking to people in general is not my strong point. So, for a long time I've felt alone. I've spoken up on and off. To friends, teachers, school counselor, doctor, and (today) a new therapist. I've told people before and have felt like over time they just walked out of my life..but I've kept going, even if it were alone, because I know eventually someone will listen.

I'd suggest talking to a school counselor, or a doctor, someone you think you can go to. I think you deserve a chance to get better. And that can happen, but it takes baby steps. You wont get better over night, I'll tell you that. But, you have to give yourself some credit. Even if your walking alone, or feel like you are, you can get far.

If you need or want too, you can talk to me. I wont mind and Im sure I can understand what you are going through. Sometimes it helps talking to someone whose been through the same stuff. But, like I said, I dont mind so if you ever want to, you can email me or talk on here. Take Care