Deal with one before the other.

You guys will be sick of me pretty quick but if I dont keep trying to understand this I will get pulled in .When my wife spoke to the counselers today about her appointment they are setting up . She told them that she needed to work on her issues before trying to work on our marriage. I know this will be a long process but right now I just need to vent and do feel better just posting what I feel.

Have you thought about scheduling some counseling visits for yourself? You've been carrying a heavy burden for a while and you have all kinds of frustrations and concerns. Talking about it with a professional will help a lot.

Eventually there will be a time for sessions with your wife. And we have to resist the temptation of viewing counseling as a way to "fix" another person. We can really only control how we will respond to the things going on around us.

I have no insurance at all. I have really taken a lot of time to examine myself though and can see a lot of ways that I could have been a better husband. The problem was that as I look back at the our whole situation I beleive she was already in the early stages of the depression and I would get annoyed with things not being done . I knew that she had a heavy scheduel with school but I wasnt having a cake walk either . Working the extensive hours 6 and 7 days a week was taking its toll on me also. Now looking back at it I could have had a little bit better way of dealing with things and I have resolved this problem .The biggest thing is that I have learned from my mistakes and really am thinking things out and not being critical and just trying to be understanding. If she decides to never let go of things that I have said wrong I cant do anything about it. I just keep telling her that I love her, I beleive in her and I beleive in our marriage. All of these things I truly beleive to be true. I can see how she wants t focus on negative things but this is common to depression. It is hard because she doesnt see the positive things we have had in this relationship which there are many. It was a really important thing for my wife to have a baby I would look for excuses not to go to church on mothers day because it would break my heart to see my wifes eyes well up with tears when the pastor would have the mothers stand up to receive a flower or talk about the importance of being a mom . I would look for an excuse not to make it to church so it would not hurt her. Thank God we were fortunate enough to have a son who is now 2 and a half . Up to 2monthes ago we were talking about trying to have another baby. Like I said I guess it is normal for someone that is depressed to only see the negative things, but thats alright Because I am going to stick this out.