Please Someone....

 

I am 20 years old and was diagnosed with severe depression and bipolar disorder. For years I have been in and out of hospitals for self injury and eating disorders. I cling on to people and never want to let go, even when I've already moved on to someone else. I hurt my family and blame them for me being adopted by my grandparents and I say hurtful things to them because it makes me feel better. My Mother is 67 years old and has mild dementia and copd. I live in a crapty town so I can be closer to her. She tells me to stay because it would break her heart if I go, but then she says that I should go and live somewhere safer. Since I've came back to my hometown I've gone down hill. I'm more depressed and then extremely maniac. I self medicate myself with anything I can find, along with the medication my doctor's prescribe me. Two of my doctors have told me they can not help me anymore due to my severe bipolar disorder. I'm currently on vyvanse which makes me feel so depress when it wears off but it helps me. My doctor put me on depression pills but I dont take them because they cause weight gain and I fear my eating disorder will come back. I'm absolutely feeling like I should end it all so I will stop having these racing thoughts. I can't sleep at night, me and my girlfriend are getting kicked out of my sisters house because the cops were called on me because I was hitting her with a golf club, just because she lost her job. I work 50 hours a week and support me and my girlfriend who has severe anxiety and now we are going to live out of a hotel. I'm afraid to talk to my mom because she is sick and I think she is going to die if I leave her and go back to my college town. I'm so scared that she will hate me forever when she passes away... I've never felt so depressed in my life. wwwwhat is wrong with me?

It does sound like you could use a med adjustment. But I am also concerned about you hitting your sister with a golf club. I think you could use some anger management too. Maybe diffferent meds would help that. A mood stabilizer would help you a lot.

I know that liveing with bipolar is hard. As kitt said, we have a wonderful bipolar forum also if you would like to post there too. And also as she said we are not professionals, just fellow people dealing with depression.

I can tell how badly you want help. Are you going to any type of counseling? I think that you could use some support with this. It has to be very difficult.

I may have misread about the golfclub, it sounds like it was your girlfriend with it instead of your sister, but you shouldn't be hitting anybody. You really need help with that. You could really hurt somebody badly. I don't mean to be so blunt, but violence isn't the answer my friend. Please seek counseling for this.

Take care, keep posting. It takes a lot of courage to post what you did. And it is clear to me that you sincerely want some help with this situation.

Best wishes,
Hugs, Karen

to saving.

hi i am jamiee. 37, male and at twenty i was an angry chap also! you are still developing, emotionally, physically, etc. a combo of med's can make you rage, and you end up raging. agree that you need to see your doc, to be honest about what is happening, otherwise you will not receive the treatment you actually need. i can tell a lot is going on for you, for most 20 yr olds a lot is nowadays, and crap it was for me 17 years ago!! that is about 100 posts worth!

keep posting, violence only breeds violence. all the vey best. keep posting and let us know how you are going, we do care.

jamiee, 37, male, iddm, major depression, severe borderline personality disorder, hormone deficency, diabetic nuropathy, severe plumbing issues, bad back, & bits & peices!!