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Posted 4/15/2009 4:03 AM (GMT 0)
Hey, I'm glad to hear that you had a wonderful day together! Good for you! I'm really happy for you. :-)
Posted 4/15/2009 2:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Thend,

I too am really happy that you got to spend a wonderful day at the river with your wife. The river is a nice place to go. I love the background sound of the water. I hope that things continue to get better for you.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 4/17/2009 2:46 AM (GMT 0)
Hmm ya we have a goods and our bad days...yesterday we fought for no real reason....she was just irritable i guess said she was having a bad day and stuff but she was only like that with me...short tempered and such...no one else....hell she even laughed a whole bunch on the phone while talking to her friends...while doing so i ended up getting sick.....and she had no clue!!!! i dunno..... im trying so hard to to look farther into this than need be but.....i dont know anymore.....today has been so hard....i ended up finding old letters from when i was in basic training for the marine corp...and i could help but realize all th elove that was put behind each letter she wrote me....all the love she had for me......i want it all back so badly and all i can do is just get all choked up when i think of those letters...i found one where she kissed it and sprayed the perfume i like on it....i miss the days where we never fought....and every second we were apart we wanted to be together.......i but i have to be strong.....I have seen glimpses of who i once was with all those good qualities still in me....and im hanging on to them so hard.....trying to dig them out....fighting tooth and nail.....but for what???? and know that i need those qualities...but for what....who.....why.....i now need to find a reason to hang on to them....cause if i dont whats gonna keep me from letting go again?
Posted 4/17/2009 2:57 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Thend,

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I can imagine how emotional it was for you to read those old letters and review those times in your relationship. Was that the beginning of your relationship, when you were in training? The reason I ask is that you mention never fighting and always wanting to be together, and there is always that 'honeymoon period' in a relationship where the real day-to-day hasn't totally settled in. You still DO have those good qualities in you, and the reason you should hang onto them is for YOU, first and foremost, to be the kind of person you admire and respect. Yes, it is always good to put your best foot forward for your girlfriend, but do it for yourself, too.
Posted 4/17/2009 3:19 AM (GMT 0)
it was i dunno several months after....i mean maybe we fought a few times but i dunno....it was so hard to even look at the envolopes they came in let alone read.....i mean i can deal with the arguments....i just wanna feel loved like that again by her.......it so hard to hang on......SO f'in hard..... i just have days where i dont even want to get out of bed or go to class or do anything just sleep the day away.....im sure that our past has somethign to do with it and all of the stuff that i have done... i just dont know how long i can hold out while i wait for the walls to fall.....I guess all i can do is just hang on for as long as i can right?
Posted 4/17/2009 3:25 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Thend,

I know you are feeling really down, and I hate to see you suffering like this. Did you have any luck on your search for a therapist? If I recall, your gf gave you a card for a free counseling service (am I remembering correctly?) and I'm wondering if you were able to contact them. I'm bringing this up because I think you might benefit from talking to someone who can help with the depression, the lack of motivation to get up in the morning and go to class, and the frustration and bad feelings all around. I don't want you to continue to feel this bad, Thend, and you have way too much going for you to allow this sadness to bring you down. (((hugs)))
Posted 4/17/2009 1:22 PM (GMT 0)
I did call and yes you are correct...they never returned my phone calls.....so i dont know what to do now i just sorta deal with whats going on and thats about it.......im still loook for a therapist so hopefully ill find one....anyways thats all for now gotta run...take care all
Posted 4/17/2009 1:23 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry, Thend. I was hoping that would be an option for you. I'll check back with you later, but in the meantime, I hope today is a better day for you.
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