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Posted 8/28/2004 11:24 PM (GMT 0)

Hi,

I have question about my wife. We have go married 9 months ago and my wife is now expecting and she is 6 months pregnant. We are always fighting till we get married and we fight over just minor thing.she just start arguments and then it goes on and on. I tried my level best to avoid any fight or long arrguments.

Every time I say something to her or I ask to do somthing then she think I am giving order to her and she will not do for me. She always try to insult me and disgrade me.Even in frond of my friends she just start taunting me.In start I just didnt care but then I asked her to be carefull.

Now I am seriously thinking for speration and I was discussing her and then she told me that she has loves me and she wants this marriage but strangely she admited that she does not believe any relation especially husband wife and she only believe blood relation like Parents and her sister. She told me that she can not trust any body and any relation. I try to convince her that I am you husband and she should trust on me but she is not willing for it. I am very disappointed after that and also very dipress. As first I wanted to solve and now I am thinking somthing else and she wants but excusing me very strang problem of blieves.

I am very dispressed please tell me is there anything like that can happen to anyboday who just dont trust any relation and is there any cure to it. Can I do somthing to convience her so may be we will be back. should I leave her? I am realy much worried about my baby what will happend to him.

Please tell me is there any thing I am doing wrong or is there any solution to this problem.

I will be very thankfull to you and will remember your advise for my whole life.

Thanks and best regards,
A victum husband

Posted 8/29/2004 2:13 PM (GMT 0)
I don't know if I am much help,but it sounds like to me she needs counseling. Something must have happened in her lifetime to not trust. If you really love her try to help her. Its easier said than done because she has to help herself first. I hope everything turns out okay.
Posted 8/29/2004 2:36 PM (GMT 0)
Hi hubby, Louette said it well, she needs therapy.

I am proud of you, it takes alot to come here and post and open up. You have done a good thing and I really hope you stick with your wife. Do what you can to be supportive and loving, don't walk away or give up on her and your family!!

Communicate, be honest and try not to fight. I don't know if you or your wife suffers from depression you didn't specify that in your post. Just be patient with her, she probably is very hormonal right now being 6 months pregnant. Try and get her to open up and tell you what the problem really is. She might have deep issues that have now come up and she is having trouble dealing with it...Just a thought. Anyways, Keep posting and I will do what I can to help you out.

All the best, hope to hear more from you soon.
Red09
Posted 9/6/2004 3:20 PM (GMT 0)
I do not know the feelings either of you are feeling, and do not know if I would be any help either. But it seems like she has had some sort of problem in the part that led her to not be that trusting. Arguing before marriage complicates the lot as even just one accidently said thing could result in a sort of competiting between the two of you in which either one or both of you feel they need to justify something and so therefore attempt to degrade you and humiliate as much they feel they can and should.

Counciling is a good course of action, however unless your wife feels it could help your marriage it might be a bad course (But I do rather you think the odds of her accepting and etc before just not bothering). She may feel herself being the bad one and kind of shell herself (By wanting nothing to do with it and ignoring all requests).

Also maybe lighten the mood of her, bring her gifts such as flowers and maybe cook some dinners to show to her that you love her and don't expect her to be the typical housewife and all. Help with chores such as the bins and dishes, even if you are the breadwinner (job guy) of the family. It sure does help as even simple tedious chores like that can warrant frustration, especially when they seeing the rest just watching TV or etc. They think things such as "Am I going to be always doing the dishes for the rest of my life? Will <their partner> expect it of me?.

Im just trying to help so please bear with me, it may be a small change (If any at all), or a major change. But even the simplest of things can give major changes. (And should be beneficial)
Posted 9/11/2004 11:45 PM (GMT 0)
I know I am only 13 but how can you label your wife as strange? she is depressed is all. Yes therapy is worth trying. If there are things out there. Go for it! Good luck!


Lots of Love and Peace
Posted 9/23/2004 10:17 PM (GMT 0)
I noticed you said she was expecting? There could be medical reasons why she's defensive and seems moody. I know for a fact that when I was carrying my 2nd child, everything was intensified almost like I was PMS'ing the entire pregnancy! He even said at one time "All pregnant women should go to some island till it was over.. "
I agree though no matter what the reasons behind her insults and fights that you both should seek a 3rd person to see both sides of the story and maybe he/she will be able to help you and her work through this. If she is young, thats another thing, maybe she has some hidden fears of being tied down with responsibility of the baby and taking that frustration out on you. People do strange things when they don't want to deal with reality.
I'd wait till after those hormones are not messing with her and even a few months after the pregnancy to do anything hasty. She might return to the person you fell in love with and married, it just takes time and patience to find out especially if you really love her... There's not a perfect marriage out there, so expect some ups and downs... through sickness and in health etc.. I hope you the best and pray for you both and a healthy delivery!
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