despressed or not?

Hi everyone, I haven't bin here much lately, but It's time to rant again I guess. I don't know where I am right now, I don't know if I am still deprssed or what. I'm still trying to find a job for 5 months now and there is no luck, not even one reply to hundred's of applications I made over the past few months I still have hope but I feel lost and a little sad that there is no good result so far.

I can say I'm a little lazy, I don't sleep as much as I used to be ( used to sleep 18 hours per day ) I sleep now 9 to 10 hours a day on average but I wake-up usually late in the morning or afternoon and I stay late, as late as 3 AM. I feel guielty about this a lot.

I recently met a very nice girl, everything was going ok until she knew that I don't have a job, and I'm living with my parents currently, and spend a lot of time online and I am over 35 years old, as a responce she said I should do something about mylife and not talk to her until I fix my life. when she said this I took it seruisly, and I have steped up my efforts to get a job, but I can't help but feel sad about the whole situation. I think she doesn't like me anymore and it hurts so bad, I keep thinking of her all the time. I feel I am going through a pattern now because this isn't the first woman to reject me it feels like it has to happen everytime to me.

I also feel afraid constantly, afraid from GOD because I don't pray, I don't know what is going to happen to me in the afterlife but it's not looking good at all.

So I guess I'm still lazy, not as lazy as I have bin in the past few years but still pretty lazy.

being lazy, is that a symptum of depression do you think? I don't know. my doctor says I'm lazy too and that I should not spend 1 minute without a job, every minute counts.

I need your prayers please, to find a job so I can live the life I want, I feel trapped now and sad, I don't know how to sort this out it's frustrating me.

thank you karen for respounding, very nice words you are always here and ready top respond and encourage others on these forums who have trouble like me and you.

what hurts the most is that i quit my last job and I feel too humiliated to go back to them, I quit because they would not pay me any money and also I didn't them in the first place and I don't like the boss anyway, I don't think he knows where to place me as he changes his mind too often and I feel confused and I felt that I should look for another job which I am doing but everyone arounds me keeps telling that I should go back to that job but I don't feel this is the right thing to do, so I feel guilty, I feel I am too selective.

I also feel guilty that I am wasting my time because I am not re-newing my knowledge, as an IT specialist I must keep up and try to get certain certificates which some companies require, and not getting those certificates means less options for me , so I try to apply only for the jobs that do not require certificates, so I feel I'm lazy in that respect.

I am also worried about re-locating for a possible job , and how that will change my life , it might be dificult to do so but I am prepared to do it if thats what it takes to find a job, as there isn't much available jobs where I live, at least not in my field.

Akram,

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I totally agree with Frances about God not punishing us for not praying enough. I believe that God always loves us, and He knows what is in your heart. I don't think you sound lazy.....I think you sound depressed. That is my opinion from what you have written. I am only experienced with depression in my own life, of course, but much of what you describe sounds like my thoughts, feelings and behaviours when I am depressed. I am very sad to read about what happened with your girlfriend. I hope that the grief you feel will pass, and that you will meet someone worthy of your love and kindness. I wish you the very best, and yes, I will certainly pray for you.

Dear Akram,

I do not have a lot of words today but I want you to know that I am here and I am reading.  You have my support and prayers always.  Never give up.

Peace,
Kitt