Alone

Hi Erik,

I am so glad that you posted. But yes, I agree, you are thinking too much. You need to slow your mind down and focus on the present moment. I know that you have done that before, so I know that you can do it again.

You pay for the electricity that you use. So don't feel bad about that. That is what it is there for. We often step on plants, it can't be helped. If we watched for every single plant, or bug that we step on, we wouldn't get anywhere. Maybe that plant was meant to be stepped on. Only God knows that. We mow our lawns, but the grass gets thicker, so it needs a trim. It isn't killing it, just making it grow better actually.

Are you still going to counseling? You said that your counselor said that there are very few people like you. I agree. You are an indepth thinker. That isn't bad, but puts an exta load on our minds and shoulders. Simplify it if you can. I know that you can do that.

I do understand what you are thinking, I use to be that way. But I found it was only clouding my other thinking. The thinking that I need to do to survive. You are such a compassionate person and that is good. But for you to cry when a fly flies into your eye and dies, that can't be helped. Maybe it was that flys time to die and you just so happened to be the one he flew into. Try to rationalize your thinking, slow it down. Focus on what is at hand. Before you drive yourself crazy. We are only human. Nobody is perfect. I saw your picture on gmail and I think you are a very handsome man. So don't feel self conscious about your looks. You just have to meet the right woman. And you will. But dont' depend on her for your own happiness, only you can do that. She will just be there for companionship and friendship. She wont complete you, just add to your happiness.

Please try to slow down your thinking, you are wearing yourself out with this. And remember that we are here to help you. Keep posting, even if you are thinking a lot. Get it down and we, like I said, will help you.

Have a great day my friend.

Hugs, Karen

Hi Erik,

In my mind, I think as long as there are greedy people and corporations, they will exploit the earth. There is so much money in oil and that seems to be the energy that they choose. Solar is free, wind is free, but oil is expensive. They have to keep making that all mighty dollar. At least this country seems that want.

The one that really upsets me is the factory farming. It is cruel and is done for money. As long as the dollar is worth something (though it really isn't), people will do damage to this earth. There is nothing one person can singlehandedly do to fix this. But there are organizations that you can join to help. Maybe that is what you need. A chance to make a statement.

Erik I know how you feel, but we can't stay depressed over something that we have no control over. But like I said, we can do things to do our part. We can not eat meat, or we can use as little energy as we can get away with. We can shop for the useful things instead of the luxuries. I guess I am saying we are such a small part of a bigger picture. But we can have our beliefs and stick to them.

I hope that this helps in some small way. I don't know, there is so much to consider, but my mind only works on a small scale, I guess I am one of those people you were talking about, but by choice. I have to focus on the now and not worry about all of these greedy people destroying this earth. And just try to do my part and learn.

You do have control over your thinking and I am sure that you will master that Erik. Try not to think about the huge scale of it and simplify it to something that you can do. I am sure that you will figure this one out too.

Hugs, Karen

I think that Frances has a very good point. As I said in my post, you can try to do what is within your reach to do your part. If that is what you feel that you need. Maybe that way it would not be so much pressure on you. We all do what little things we can to help, and together we become a bigger part of the world. You can do this, I know. And I think that it would help you to feel less depressed.

I hope that you are feeling better Erik.

Hugs, Karen

erik,

First I agree with you on how bad the situation is world wide and about the slaughtering of animals ( shark fint is one example ), I persoanly don't mind killing an animal for food because GOD has given us that right, but slaughtering animals for expensive items such as horns of aliphants is crazy, or shark fints to make a stupid soup.

frances and karen have given you great advice on how you can be more proactive instead of reactive to the world problems. contributions you can make, no matter how small they are they can help make this world a better place specially if everyone does the same. and the more things you do the better chances you have fighting your depression as you will feel that you are doing the right thing, maybe not enough to address everything but within your capabilities.

I suggest volenteer work, there is plenty of that around, like helping or teaching orphans, assiting the eldarly or help organizations who are doing work to protect the environment. or only work for comapnies that have environmental friendly policies.

good luck on your journey..

Hi Erik,

I havn't written to you before, but have read a few of your posts when I've stopped by the forum. I was surprised to see you are only 19. You are in deed a deep thinker. I am too. And once I started finding some answers to my thoughts, being able to think more deeply about life actually became a joy, rather than a burden. It really is a journey. And you know, I bet your friends really do think what you are sharing makes sense, but it's just that most 19 year olds are not yet at the stage where they are as focused on asking some of the questions you are. You have also spent time contemplating things and internalizing the truths behind those things, but remember, your listeners are only just hearing what you are sharing for the first time. So it will take them time to familiarize themselves with the concepts you are bringing and how they apply them to their lives will look differently in each case. Just as you want them to respect your journey of thought, you can also work on giving them room to walk their own journeys into truth, maturity etc. We each "arrive" at these places of maturity and growth at different paces.

I used to get upset at my husband when I'd come and share a 'revelation' that I would feel soooo strongly, and I thought he should get right away. It was he who pointed out to me that I had just spent two days writing about this revelation I'd had but he needed time to process it as he'd only just heard me say it out of thin air at that moment.

It's late here and I'm not able to sleep yet, so forgive me but this is looking like it's going to be a lengthy post!

Anyway, uou made me think of Ecclesiastes the philospher. Have you ever read the bible? Ecclesiastes is a book in there and this teacher of old basically set out to discover the 'why's and 'how's' of everything in life. He wrote in one part that "The more a man knows, the more his heart is found in the house of mourning." Basically, the more awakened we become to the reality of the world we live in, the more sensitive we become to the fact that it is fallen and imperfect. Knowledge increases sadness, although it should also increase our capacity for joy too. Anyway, Ecclesiastes decided that there is no end to learning - no one can figure it all out or solve all the mysteries. And so the best thing he said was to simply respect God and enjoy life. So that was his journey. In any case, philosophical types like yourself will have more questions than the average person, but remember that it is the deep thinkers that often shape society and help the rest of the world to see things in new ways. So maybe that is just part of the way you are wired and in due time, you'll find your niche where you fit, and meet others of like mind etc.

When I was around your age (just a couple years younger) I remember being in highschool and being really blahed out over how shallow the whole culture there was. I had a few friends that were reflective and spiritual and we'd share poetry we wrote and talk about God and deeper things. But my greatest refuge for my thoughts was found at the river banks. There was this big tree that spread out over the water and I would go sit there many a night and eventually it became a spot of prayer. Best prayer I ever prayed was asking the Creator of all that beauty to show me who He was. From there, I began to meet some christians at school and several things occured that convinced me of the reality of God and my faith moved from simply spirituality to christianity. This gave me a foundation and an anchor for my questions about life. It also allowed me to feel less alone. So that was and still is the best solution I have found for feeling a bit out of the flow of the norm, because I too feel and think very deeply on life. Personally, it just helps me to know my Creator knows and understand me, even if others don't always. I also have learned to just enjoy being in the moment and keeping it simple, letting the burden of everything rest on the shoulders of the One who made the universe etc. - that's where the burden belongs. It's a journey.

I don't know if you are also artistic, but artists, musicians etc. tend toward this type of sensitive temperament. We need to be that way in order to feel things at a level that allows us to capture the depths of life and express them through our art effectively.

I don't know if anything I wrote resonates with you, but thought I'd try to share a bit from my own journey in case it might help. In the end, I think there is a place for asking deeper questions and contemplating life as you do. The key is just be able to come away from all that when you need to, to just be in the moment, to just be Erik, and enjoy the simple thigns in life too. Balance. And again, it's a journey. And I do think I understand your pain some, but also want to say that this journey can be very, very rich, so don't despair. Look forward to all the answers that are waiting for you - answers come to those who seek them out, and not to the passive and so you are in good shape there - AND look forward to all the good you can do in this world with the gift you have to perceive reality at a deep level. :0)

manyembers

Heej!

Everyone, thank you so much for all your time and efforts and love, it does me a lot of good . In fact, there are so many of you that replyd, that I rather give a personal answer because else there might be mess up of things. So here it goes:

Karen! Yea, what you say it what I am trying to do. See what I think can be bettered, and do it. And it is working, only when already feel down, there is at the moment a not enough support, at least so it feels. It might be enough, I just might not see it, but it feels that way. Anyway, right now there is a struggle going on, like I mentioned before. Shut your mind down and worry less, or don't. Because the worrying isn't improving my mood right now, but it might be the trigger I need to come up with solutions to improve my happiness (and that of the world, which is closely related) on the longer term. And, it might not. So... It is still trying to find what works. And the thinking does make me more happy when I am happy, but also gives me a deeper sadness. It works both ways. So I think it is a thing to keep on trying, because when you can minimize the sad periods you will be a lot happier than the other way.

Frances, that hit the spot. I can definitely relate to what you told about Sam. Awesome to hear that you are trying to improve the world, I believe you are doing it great! . And yes, doing what I believe is "good" to do (ie. improving the overall happiness on this planet (and beyond)) does help. A lot. The only thing is, at the moment I am not sure where the border is. Like, what can I do? Does my efforts are justifying my time spent on the computer? Or do I have to cut that too? Because I believe in reward rather than punishment, but I don't know when I can have a reward. No one is telling me that, and I always see things to improve. Lol, I radically changed the way my cooperation works when I am like one of the lowest in rank. In some cases that strive for perfection works out well, in others cases it doesn't. But right now I am struggling to find the balance. But I will make a start by reading that book, and I will let you know! (if you don't mind that of course)

Kitt... I am so sorry to hear that... Please, stop thinking about me, only when it makes you feel a bit better. I am stuck for words right now, but if there is any way I can help, please let me know! Kitt, you are in my thoughts as well, maybe that I will see you in my dreams and give you a big hug. Take care dear!!!

Um right, where was I :?. Akram, thanks! Yea, trying to improve what I can improve is the way to go. Unfortunately, I don't believe in God (nor deny the possibility of His existence), so we can't really support each other that way. But thank you so much for your reply, it really, really helps!! I hope you are doing good as well.

Frances again, so it seems. You are right about what you say, but it isn't exactly working that way I think. Truth is, I never had a girlfriend, so I don't know. And no one can make some else happy all the time. But so far, people that love me for who I am make me happy. Without exceptions. And at the moment, getting a message of love and caring from someone else (old or young, male or female), does me way more good than I am able to provide myself. I don't think I have expectations from a friend other than a mutual caring for eachother, which seems like a normal thing to me. Although that might even be too much. And of course, it can be all focussed on me. The moment when I can help someone else are the moments I am most happy. But I am way too shy to run around and offer people help. And I will hold back on that because I fear I might do wrong, that others might not feel good or comfortable with me around. I truly believe that is how I work, so having someone you know will be happy just because you are around, the same way as I am happy when others are around of which I know they care, would be a huge supply of happiness. I hope you are able to follow it a bit, it might be explained in a terrible way. But it would be good to know that even when you are uglier than normal, lost your job, and are depressed, there is still someone who loves you for who you are, not what you are. And that, even when you are at rock bottom, that person will still be happy to have you around. I believe I have what I described, though I don't really know. I like to believe I am not ready, and than once I am able to be happy from within, someone will appear. At that point, it wouldn't hurt if it wouldn't because I am already happy, thus can give the most care for the other since I don't have to mind myself. I won't have the fear of loss because I am already whole. But on the other hand, I seem unable to achieve that, and someone else's love and care might be the foundation I need to be of the greatest use towards the Universe. Anyway, we will see what happens. Will it be the chicken, or the egg?

Manyembers, thanks!! Yes, I do believe we share some of the same insights. There is a quote "In my entire life, I have never seen a happy intellectual", and another one "Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth". It seems they agree. Anyway, I believe that you can become happy by thinking. In fact, I believe things done conscious have way more value than things done for the sake of doing it. Knowing the "Why's" can deepen the value. I will not go in to detail about that, as it is a chapter on its own. Being happy for a won match will make you happy for a couple of days, but knowing that you did everything you could and won will bring much greater joy, that will last a lifetime. So knowing the value of happiness and knowing your role in it can bring a much deeper sensation of peace and happiness, at least, that is what I want to believe. I don't know anything for sure, as I also believe truth is most likely to be personal, rather than universal. And you mention God as well, well, I believe in the Universe, everything is connected, everything is, well, God. I don't know whether that is true, but since I have this thought that the Universe is perfect, it really helps accept things. Even my own flaws. But it does mean there is no one or nothing to "blame", or to give the roll of shepherd, since we are all one.
Anyway, thank you for your telling that everyone needs has there own pace in exploring the world. I tend to forget that. Maybe I am ahead of them, or far behind, or on a totally different road. And that is a good thing. Only sometimes I wish there was something to show me the way when I feel lost. Though it might be the very purpose to find my own way. Who will say?

Once more, thanks again! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I don't really know how to express it, so I hope you will get it.

All the very best!

Erik

Great quotes Erik! I'm really glad you have found so much support here. This forum is a gem that way.

take care, manyembers

Heej everyone!

Thanks again for your time and efforts . Frances, what you makes a lot of sense. I can't say it is "good", or whatever, since I am in quite a debate on that one, but it is definitely something to keep in mind. The thing is, when I am in a good mood, I can do lots of stuff I think is "good", beneficial for the entire world. But when I am in a bad mood, I seem to be unable. And also unable to pull myself out. I will get out eventually, but only after a day or so. And I think someone else can be a catalyst for that. Only I don't know that someone yet. So at hard times I think, if only I know that someone, than I would be able to do so much more good. Of course, that is reliance on external factors rather than your own, but my own seems to be unable at that moment without the external foundation. Maybe I am wrong about that, maybe not.

Embers, thanks! Yea, it is a wonderful place here, I will try to spent more time on here, it is definitely worth it. If only I were to be allowed to view this at work ...

And Akram, I hope that if there is a God, he/she/it will have that same point of view. As someone who believes every life is worth at least something more than greed and material possessions, I hope this point of view will take more ground. Thanks for sharing! Take care buddy!

All the best to everyone, and thanks once more!

Erik

Being a naturalist, I cringe when I think about what we are doing to our precious planet.  I try not to think about it and do my part to take care where I can.  Wastefullness, greed, power, destroying everything in your path to get what you want is not a part of my life.  I do believe that the biggest changes start with one people, and then another and then another.  Live by example and others will follow, maybe not now, but they will.  I feel mankind has fallen so far from the grace of God that we put money above human life and have no respect for God's creatures.  I happen to believe that animals are Gods best work.  They are taken care of by Mother Earth, they do not worry and are quiet content as long a we leave them in there natural state.  Being caring and compassionate are not bad qualities, they are very good ones.  We all have to do our part and the little things do matter.  My mind races like yours, it is not always easy to live with.  Get your education, who says you have to do it the conventional way?  Do it your way, find a way, do not give up or lose faith in yourself.  You will be OK.  Remember to always be yourself because "the people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind."

Gem