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Posted 5/22/2009 11:46 PM (GMT 0)
Recently i have found out that my boyfriend of 4 months has been cheating on me. I confronted him and he said he would never do that to me because he loves me. his room mates say he did and that he leaves early in the morning to go meet with the girl. This is the second relationship i have been in that my mate cheats on me. I'm starting to think that theres something wrong with me. I do everything for the guys that i date. I'm not a cheater or a lier. why would they want to do it to me??? :( Everyone keeps telling me to just leave him but ni love him and I dont like to be alone relationship wise. I'm scared i'm going to grow old alone and that is my worst fear. I don't want to be cheated on but i dont want to be out of a relationship. And I don't want to date anymore because im scared this will happen again but once again i dont want to be alone. In my past relationship of 4 years he cheated and i left him. I was horribly depressed. My family was there for me and all but when i would see me sister and her fiance kiss it would just bring me back down. I am a Christian but recently i am even scared to trust God with my problems because i dont want to be let down. I feel like i have nothing to live for because everything i get myself into i fail at it. Would somebody please help me? :(
Posted 5/23/2009 12:29 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Susan,

This sounds like situational depression. Once you get yourself out of this situation, you will most likely feel better. Just about all of my past relationships, I was cheated on. But you can't let that stop you from trusting people. And you can't blame yourself for what your man does. There is nothing wrong with you if your man isn't faithful.

I would make a decision either to stop seeing him, or accept what he did. Is he continuing to cheat? Or did he say that he would stop? Do you know for sure that he is cheating? Or was it just something his roommates said?

There is a lot to take into consideration. The best thing is to take it one day at a time. You have to learn that it isn't bad to be alone. You are with you. and that is a very special person.

So take it one day at a time. Stay in the moment.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 5/23/2009 1:42 PM (GMT 0)

Hello Susan,

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.

I agree with Karen and she has given you great advice. Situational Depression is the form of depression that rears its head in direct response to external circumstances. Any number of traumas or trying events can trigger a bout of situational depression. The death of a loved one, or the loss of a job, for instance, may produce intense and temporarily debilitating depressive symptoms. In your case your loss of a relationship.

The key to differentiating situation depression from its clinical counterpart is the temporary nature of the symptomology and the fact that it can often be traced back to a specific cause.

Remember you are special person and you deserve the best that life has to offer so do not settle for any less. 

I wish you peace and happiness but most of all I wish  you love.

Kitt

Posted 5/23/2009 2:56 PM (GMT 0)
Susan,
For me, the definition of LOVE is wanting what is best for the beloved. This involves a lot of giving, caring and sharing. It happens slowly and carefully over time. And it can only happen when you love and care for yourself first. You are a valuable person. You have integrity, inner strengths that you haven't even tapped into yet, you care about others... Don't let your fears of being alone blind you to who really loves and cares about you.

Start telling yourself that you are worth more than the "unfaithful" one's attentions. Start loving yourself first, wanting what is best for you on your life journey. Give care to others but reserve the "loving" of others until you see that they value you as a Beloved one. Once you look at love in this light you see that sometimes it's better to be alone than to be with someone who doesn't really want what is best for you. ... Just my 2ยข. Hope this helps.
Posted 5/25/2009 12:35 PM (GMT 0)
dear susan, u have been given some loving info. i hope things get better soon, some things are a given in life, situational, and some things just happen. never fear being alone, i did for a serious long time, got some serious situational stuff also, but with love from ourselves and digging deep into our reserves, we do have reserves, we can go forth with a renewed emphasis and with hope in our hearts. sending peace and energy, jamie.

i understand that this a difficult time, and i hope that things turn around for you soon.

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