I don't know what to do

Hello all.

I am a 21 year old male college student. I was diagnosed with GERD last year and I have been depressed since then. I think about death and am constantly down. I am very physically active, I workout and play racquetball multiple times a week, attend college and work. Work is terrible for me but I get through. I just feel so hopeless and my thoughts of death and bad things is uncontrollable. I am not going to kill myself, it's more a fear of death than anything. Besides, suicide is the easy way out and is cowardly.I also have noticed for the last year a decrease in enjoyment of things I have loved to do all my life. My sex drive that was sky high is also lower and I just feel that I have no purpose. I had suffered from depression way back in middle school but I beat that and everything was great until GERD came into my life. I am on medication for that and post in the GERD forum, but depression is setting in worse than ever. I just don't know what to do. I am always angry and this causes me to take things out on my family.By the way, I put on a front so everybody thinks I'm doing great. I guess I was just hoping I would snap out of this but it is killing me.

Post Edited (Steelcody36) : 5/23/2009 4:47:55 PM (GMT-6)

Hi SteelCody,

I am sorry you have been dx with GERD but do try to remember that GERD can be controlled and not everyone has severe sx.  The GERD Forum usually draws the people who have the worse case sceanrios as others that are doing fine don't come to a support forum.  Please read with an open mind when your in the GERD Forum.

It feels to me like you are dealing with obsessive thoughts of Death and Dying.

I would encourage you to seek out professional help from a therapist or Psychiatrist who specializes in Obsessive thoughts disorder. It sounds like the pain and suffering you are having from these obsessive thoughts are difficult for you to explain. This is not an uncommon condition and is very treatable.  As Karen said there are medications and therapies available so please do follow up with your physician. 

Welcome to the Depression Forum and know we are here to help you.

Sincerely,

Kitt

Please try not to look at getting help as being weak. You are not weak. Accepting help is a good thing. And it takes a strong person to look for it. You will be doing yourself a favor.

Stay with us, we are here for you.

Hugs, Karen

Thanks for the thoughts everyone. I don't know why this is happening but I am at a low point. There are many people who are worse off than me, I guess that is another reason I don't seek help. I always thought I was tough enough to get through this alone but I have found this isn't the case.

Hi Steelcody, There's certainly no shame in asking for help and support. It's the strong thing to do, as Karen said. Sharing troubles and giving and receiving support is one of the best things people can do for each other, and I'm really glad you came here to talk. I hope you'll keep posting so that we can be there for you. I know college is a tough time, with so many decisions and concerns about the future, but please don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes it takes time for us to find purpose and meaning in our lives, and each of us is on our own schedule and our own journey. There is no set plan that we all adhere to, and sometimes we change paths along the way. Be kind to yourself, and know that we're here for you. ((hugs))

Hi, I also tried to snap out of depression and anxiety over the years but it's virtually impossible. It's not like we wanted to be like this or snapped ourselves into it, so it's equally unlikely we can snap back out. We can all get better with medication and/or counselling. I've done both, for now I'm hoping the meds will help take the edge of it, then the counselling can help after that. Please get some help, you deserve it. We all do xx

I will thanks!

Unfortunately both are getting worse and I don't think things will ever get better. Almost not worth it.

Hi Steelcody, Please don't give up! I know it seems like things will never get better, but they can and they will.....you must not give up hope. These situations in life go in cycles, and there will come a time when things will improve for you. You mentioned earlier on that you had been depressed before in your life.....what got you out of it then? Did you get some counseling, or did you use some sort of self-help practice? I am wondering if whatever got you through it before would be something you could use again. Please do come back and give us an update.....we really do care.

Hi Steelcody, I hope you will reconsider the counseling, but of course that is your choice. I can only tell you that it has been a lifesaver for me, and I have learned a lot of valuable coping techniques from working with my therapist. It's been a long journey for me, but it's been totally worthwhile, and I hope you will give yourself that chance. I do understand what it is to feel hopeless, and to feel that there is no love inside, and I know you are hurting very much right now. Is there something in particular that is concerning you the most? Is it the issue of your purpose in life, which you mentioned earlier? I am a firm believer that ALL of us have an important purpose in this life, and you are certainly no exception. Some people discover their purpose early in life, and for others (myself included), it takes time and experience to really recognize why we are here. One thing that I know in my heart is that throughout the course of our lives, we are always 'on purpose'.....I do believe there is a greater scheme at work, and everything that we do, and everything that happens to us, is a contributing factor to our fulfillment of that purpose. I hope you will be patient and kind to yourself, and find a way to love yourself again. Please come back and let us know how you're doing.....as you can see, there are people here who really care about you.