New Member w/ minor problems

Hi. I'm moving on to high school next year, not that that's a problem, but it might help. I heard this place is great for counseling.
Anyway, I don't think I am too depressed, but I couldn't find a better place to post this in.
I've been having  thoughts since about a year ago, but no one except me and my best friend know about that. I've  myself [not too severely... but it was with a comb, and that hurt like hell] and, again, only me and my best friend know. My parents care a lot about me, which is why I try not to cry in front of or near them. However, my mother yells a lot, and my father and grandfather pressure me like hell. My father has been beating me whenever I fail to do as he wants. I've managed to keep up with some expectations, but I'm afraid I can't continue for much longer. I've dropped three private classes, but I'm still taking private English lessons and, soon, math and chemistry. I know I should work hard, but I just can't work like my parents did.
Things are basically fine in school, but I get teased a lot. Every day, I feel like I'm going to explode by either leaving the room and crying or beating someone up, and either way, my parents will find out. I never want them involved because they over-react to everything. When I win an award, they praise me. When I get in trouble, I get beaten. Anyway, the teasing has gotten to a point where I'm contemplating extremes like a school on campus. My classmates either don't know or don't take me seriously, which is a good thing because I would prefer not to be sent to a counselor. I don't trust them. I trust anonymous opinions, though, so I came here for answers.
Third thing. I'm no good with relationships. I've been rejected twice and my first girlfriend took the relationship as a joke. Still, I can't forget about her. I don't know why, either; she can be mean, doesn't really take things too seriously and probably likes someone else. I just wish I never met her sometimes, but it just makes me feel worse.
Fourth? darn, I'm taking a long time with this. Anyway, I get nostalgic easily. I long to return to my old elementary school. I bike there every night, but my longing for simpler times just grows stronger. Still, that place is somewhere safe away from home. However, some bad people began using that place as a hangout, so I need to find another place away from home to get away from my parents or to just be alone. Unfortunately, I have not yet found one, and so I stay at my elementary school, trying to avoid the bad people.
Basically, pressure, school, ex and nostalgia. Thanks in advance for your help. :)

1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

 

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 5/23/2009 8:48:47 PM (GMT-6)

Hi ZorroPlateado,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the Depression board. I think you have come to the right place. I'm no doc, but you sound very depressed to me. You have a lot on your mind! You are dealing with some very tough issues and you have some pretty tough knocks against you. You need someone you can confide in (I'm SO glad you came here.)

First of all, Suicide and Homicide are not options. I want you to promise me you won't do anything so foolish as that and if you even have an inkling of hurting yourself or someone else you will call this number:

National Suicide Hotline
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
This is a combined network of the Amerian Association of Suicidology, the National Hopeline Network, CONTACT USA, and many other organizations. Call are automatically routed to the nearest crisis center to the phone from which the call for help is placed.

Second of all, you don't deserve to be beaten. That's terrible, and I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Have you tried talking with your mother about the beating? Can she help you stand up to him? You also have the option of telling a trusted teacher or a school counselor, and they will follow protocol to have your fathers actions investigated. I can't promise what will come of that. It could be very messy, but it's certainly an option and likely to stop the beating.

Next, you need to be brave enough to talk to one of the school counselors or your mother about the bullying. Yes, your parents are going to find out, but this is something big enough and affecting your life deeply enough that you need an adult's help. It's really making you miserable, making you depressed, and causing you to think some truly frightening thoughts about how to deal with it.

As to the relationships: no one is good at relationships at your age. You are still quite young, and there are lots more girls you will meet in high school. You have many more opportunities coming your way if you can wait for them. Be patient and don't get so hung up on one mean girl. Lots more nice ones will come your way.

Finally, I can totally appreciate wanting a space of your own just to be alone. I can also appreciate wanting to return to a place of relative happiness like your elementary school. That makes total sense to me. I'm sorry it's been hijacked by a bunch of bad kids. Try some other places like a park, the library, or how about get involved with some volunteer work doing something you like? What do you do for fun? (Remember fun?)

All my best, keep writing and letting us know how you're doing,

serafena

First off, I'm sorry about the illegal stuff. I just thought more information would help.
My father has beaten me constantly in the past, but it seemed to stop after someone found out. It was all in the past and don't continue, but the memories still linger.
My mother has given up trying to help me with the beatings, and she sometimes does that, too. However, it is usually just a pulling of the ear.
However, I am trying to avoid counselors as much as possible. Why? Because I can't trust them. I have a little issue with trusting other people, which is why I've only told my best friend about these things. She's the closest thing to a counselor I have right now. Plus, I'm afraid that news will get out that I'm going to a counselor, and I just don't want my parents to know about this at all, which is why I'm using this site for help. I prefer things to be known only to strangers that don't have connections with anyone I know, just so that the secret doesn't get out. Basically, I can't trust my parents or anyone I know besides my best friend.
But I was wondering, would it be possible to get counseling outside of school without giving any personal information? I'd just like to talk to someone without getting anyone involved.
EDIT: Thanks for your help, guys. I really appreciate it. :)

Post Edited (ZorroPlateado) : 5/24/2009 8:40:46 AM (GMT-6)

I've had horrible experiences with trust. I had an account of mine hacked and almost banned; I've lost many important things; and I just don't trust people in general. The internet helps, though, because of the anonymity it helps provide.
Professionals need to go through it as well, don't they? This is as professional as I need it to be. :)
School is easy; it's the social life there I have problems with. I'd get help, but school starts on Tuesday. [Memorial day]
I've gone through maps.google.com but there really aren't any familiar places I can go that are away from home. I'll keep looking, though, because the only other safe place is my shower.
By the way, going out with a "Free Hugs" sign really helped me on that Free Hugs Day a while back, and I am looking forward to the next. You ever try that before? It really helped me with sadness. The next one is on the fourth of July, if anyone wants to attend.