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Posted 9/10/2004 7:19 PM (GMT 0)
Well,I really don't know where to start.My wife and I were only married for two months,and she was eight and half months pregnant.We had a car accident.It left her totaly disabled.They took my baby by section.the baby's skull was crushed.That has now been 12 years.I take care of my wife,and 12 year old girl(by the way,she grew up just fine)by my self.I have been on antidepressions for 10 years now(none of them work very good for very long).I'm so lonely!I feel trapped.My wife and I have not had any type man /wife relationship becouse of her disability.I try to keep on going for my little girl.Each day is so hard.I have lost all hope.I pray each day that it will be my last.I know this sounds selfish but the only way I see out of this is for one of us to die.It was not my wife's fault,so I feel it should be me. I really don't know the reason I'm writing this,but maybe someone can relate with me.If someone can,please HELP! 
Posted 9/11/2004 12:50 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Tucker. My heart really goes out to you and your family. You're very brave and strong. Do you see a therapist as well? Might help you through these rough times and give you some ways of coping so the depression doesn't eat you up.
How does your daughter relate with her mother? Sorry to ask, is your wife able to speak or is she extremely disabled?

This was NOT your fault. Nor anyone's fault. Please don't beat yourself up on who should be this and that. Guilt is the worst kind of emotion for you right now. So dont' go there.

Keep posting here, everyone is really helpful.

Hugs to you.
Red09
Posted 9/11/2004 10:49 PM (GMT 0)
hi tucker, i couldnt agree more with what red and julie have said. but as well, please dont forget time for YOU - thta is so important. you are to be commended for being so loyal and selfless - treat yourself to some of the same love and time.

my thoughts are with you

love solo

Posted 9/13/2004 7:03 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone,I appricate your time commentining.I've been to therapy,but it does not seem to work.The only therapy that works for me is to tell anyone who will listen.I used to be affraid to tell anyone,but it almost put me in the hospital holding it all in.My wife can speek,and hold "some" conversation.Her memory fails often.She must use a wheelchair for mobility.She is not the person I married,but she does try.The biggest problem is I feel all alone.This has been almost 13 years of being by my self .I'm not a cheet or a lier.It is almost to much to think of maybe 20 years more of this.Well,I've got to go now!
Thanks! Tucker
Posted 9/13/2004 7:26 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Tucker, I'm really glad you replied back. Keep posting here as much as you like, feel free to say whatever is in your head- we'll all help you through this as much as we can. I'm glad that you tried therapy but sorry it didn't work. So if this place is what is going to help you then I hope you stick around! This place saved me when I needed it most. I am doing alot better now and I love to reach out and help people to who really need it because I have been there. Alone and worried and scared...So to read someone's replies I know means alot!

Must be so hard feeling alone in your marriage. Wasn't what it was supposed to be, but this is what you have in your life now. Must be frustrating too.

Julie mentioned some other kind of care, that might be something for you to look into. A place she can go to get some physical therapy too. My sis used work at a place that disabled/handicapped people came and rode horses for theraputic exercise, mental release and it really helped them!! I don't know where you live, but I'm sure somewhere in your community there might be such a place!

I know you are not a cheat or a liar, don't think any of us think that Tucker! It's okay to have desires, wants and needs-especially when you are not getting that from your wife. It's noone's fault but totally understandable, so don't feel bad about it.

All the best and keep posting!
Red09
Posted 9/14/2004 1:39 AM (GMT 0)
I'm so sorry that you have been going through all of this I know that this has got to be hard on you.Its such a sham when tragecy striks.It is every bite as hard on the other spouse because they are left with every thing dumped on there lap such as in you case.I have crohns,RA,OA,and I'm fixin to start seeing a therapist because I have been so depressed and I feel that I don't have any one to talk,I think that its better to talk to some one that is not a friend are family,because they don't show any kind of parshallty.What have you been on?Have you tryed Lexapro?thats what my GI gave me today untill I can get to the therapist.Take care and please let us know how things are going.I will keep you in my prayers.


Mela..................
Posted 9/14/2004 3:56 PM (GMT 0)
Tucker

There is one other aspect of your situation that you should consider. Your wife may benefit also by getting out and meeting other people in similar conditions that you find yoursef faced with.

I know that in my area, there are places for the handicapped to go for social gatherings on a daily basis. This involves handicapped transportation to and from these centers paid for by the government.

It seem to be very theraputic for all concerned. I am sure that you have social assistance provided in your area that may be of help. Good luck and don't lose hope. There are many to help you.
Posted 9/16/2004 2:11 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Tucker, I hope you're feeling better. One thing I forgot to ask. Do you have support with your friends? Can you get out with your buddies once in a while, let loose and forget for an evening? That will really help you.
Check in soon.
Red09
Posted 9/24/2004 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
Hi! everyone.The responses are great!It means a lot to me to have someone who understands. We do get help with Medicaid which provides a person to come to our house and helps.My wife belongs to a church and she goes there which gives me a little respite.All of my freinds have kinda fell by the waist side becouse of the time my wife requirs.I used to like to hunt but it gave me to much time to think.I have lost all interest in any thing but making my little girl happy.I have put my whole life around her happyness.I consider myself a walking dead person.I put one step in front of the other for her and my wife.My only hope is the good lord will not let me suffer much longer.This is the only thing about my doughter I really regret,I guess that is why I keep going.I just get so lonely.I don't Know what to do! Well, I feel like I'm feeling sorry for my self now.Like I said I want to thank you for taking time to respond to my post! Thanks!
Posted 9/24/2004 6:34 PM (GMT 0)
Tucker I'm really glad you checked in, was wondering how you were doing! Keep posting and talking here, it will help you...

Don't deny any feelings you have. They are yours and you own them! crap, feel sorry for yourself, you feel like it, go for it...If you wanna scream, do it! Just don't hold it in cuz that is when you get low. You're not alone, you got people here...We should all organize a chatnight/time when we all could talk.

Just don't forget about you...Seems like you said you pushed people away, or people have just realized you have so much going on they back off?? Life is weird that way, I know...With me during my rough times when my dad died 11 years ago people who I thought were my friends, kinda up and disappeared on me...I understand some people cannot handle certain things as well as dealing with other people's problems...can only do it for so long then it gets old! had that happen to me...SO online help is great because noone gets sick and tired of reaching out and helping others....listening and talking...

Hope this helps abit more...
Hugs!
Red09
Posted 9/30/2004 2:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hi! Everyone.
I'm feeling a little better,but that is the way it goes.I feel o'k sometimes,then other times not.Red I don't feel like I have pushed anyone away,but like you said I think most people don't know haw to handle a situation like mine.I also have very little time to do things like other people.As far as loosing hope,I have already know there is no hope me.I just hope I can keep it together long enough for my little girl to grow up.My wife is only going to get worst according to the doctors and how she has regressed sense the accident.I'm getting older,and I feel the best years phyiscaly and mentaly are slipping away.Another thing that has effected me is I lost my best friend( my father).This was just another lost in my life that I think I will never get over or find a way to live with it.Anything I love or even like,has been taken away from me.I worry each day if this kind of luck will affect my doughter.This fourm has helped ,so I will check back in when I can.Thanks! Tucker
Posted 10/1/2004 1:14 AM (GMT 0)
hi tucker.
i was wondering whether you had tried any kind of deep relaxation or meditation; yoga or perhaps a martial art, tai chi, chi kung?? - all these things are great for centering us and taking us to a still place where things become easier to handle. im glad you've found some releif by coming here - it never ceases to amaze me how much compassion and empathy can be found on these boards. tomoro is a new day. please don't give up. you are a strong man and your rewards will be plenty for your love and loyalty. they say life begins at 50, so there's plenty of time - it's all experience to shape you into becoming the person you will be.
i'm a single mother and i am so tired of having to always be there and "do" for everyone else, much as i love my children. i too, feel like my life is passing me by, while i plod on, constantly making sacrifices for other people, so i kind of know how you feel - 19 yrs i have been on my own with 2 kids!!! but somehow, i know that i am doing the most worthwhile thing i could be doing. and i dont believe it's ever too late to enjoy our life..........my best friend is 74 and she has the time of her life!!!!!!!!!
i hope you find some relief.
Posted 1/25/2012 2:27 AM (GMT 0)
You are so brave to have written this. I have a feeling it was hard. First off, your little girl can grow up to be a mom one day and you can see her little kids. You are strong, like the rest of us, but you have a wonderful family and a loving daughter. You have a wife who lived and a child who beat the odds of death. What more is there to live for? You can return to your daughter and see her smile, get her hugs and kisses. You also have the unique life of having a unique 12 year old.

Second off, my grandfather went through the same thing, except he didn't ask for help, he moved and died to be with my mom, who died of cancer at 21.

God made it possible for your little girl to live and see another day. He must want you to see her grow up into that beautiful woman one day and see her little kids.

And think, you have an amazing wife and child who love you.

And that, I think, is one heck of a reason to be on earth for one more day.
Posted 1/25/2012 3:18 PM (GMT 0)
Hey tucker!! Its sad that your going through all this discomfort! But trust me ur doing something very holy and you will be rewarded for this in ur life. Ur better than a lot of people out there who waste their lives doing nothing but hurting and breaking people's heart. Ur a good man. U deserve the best!!

I know this a bad phase for u. But I respect u for what ur doing but most probably ur wife knows what ur going through. Of course she loves u so for sure she wants to love u and spend time with u. Express more love to her than u already do. This will work for u too. Of course she will reply u back and u will feel much better. Probably it feels there is lack of communication and expressing of love!

Mean while try meditating and spending time on urself. Exercise would do good for u. Take time out and write to us and express how u feel and u ll feel much better. We are always there.

But the real thing is that ur amazing! and whatever ur doing for ur wife and kid is magnificent. I am happy that there are people like u alive in the World, otherwise honestly I had lost the hope. I pray that u get ur reward soon. Best of luck. :)
Posted 1/25/2012 4:19 PM (GMT 0)
This is another very old thread. From 2004.
Posted 1/25/2012 7:00 PM (GMT 0)
omG!!! this is like creepy!! why does it keep coming in the recent posts! Lol!! phew!! my bad! i ll keep a check on that now!
Posted 1/25/2012 10:42 PM (GMT 0)
I don't know what is going on. That is strange. Maybe it will get straightened out. Can you see recent posts too that are recent? I would like to see you post on the recent posts too. You have good insight and advice.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 1/27/2012 10:18 PM (GMT 0)
Awwwwhh! It looks fine now. I can see them! Thanku Karen, I would definitely do that! :)
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