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Did something very stupid today and need some feedback

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Posted 6/10/2009 12:56 AM (GMT 0)
I have been extremely stressed out about my son as you all know and the stress came out in a way that was unwise, foolish really and I think I am feeling remorse. Not quite sure about the remorse it may be that  I am glad what I did and feel oK.  I was in a small grocery store that I often stop in after I have a therapy appt.  I was getting some dog food and it was on sale. When it rang up one of the cans was the regular price. The sale cans were 80cents. One can was 89 cents. I asked the manager why this one wasn't on sale. He went and looked and showed me that there wasn't a sign under that flavor, that is was regular price because it had rice in it.  I said rice is cheap how come this flavor is not on sale. And I asked that he give me the 9 cents back and he wouldn't.  He has always been accommodating in the past.  I said I think you need to reduce it and do the right thing. He wouldn't. Sooo...... I had a great big hissy fit in the store, everyone was staring at me because I was shouting at him and I told him I have always been a good customer(he agreed) but that because he cared more about his 9 cents that I was no longer going to shop there.  I said you have just lost a very good customer. Another assistant manager carried my groceries to my car and he said he was sorry but it was up to the manager to make the decision. I said it was wrong and I said again tell him I will no longer shop there. I think I have such pent up rage in me that it came out this way. I am not sorry to tell the truth except this store has some things I can't get at other stores so kind of messed myself up. But I have always believed the customer is right. Why have 8 flavors of dog food on sale and one flavor is not because it has rice. You all probably think I am a lunatic right now but this is the way I was able to release my anger.

Crazy Aurora

Posted 6/10/2009 1:10 AM (GMT 0)
Aurora,
You are most definitely not crazy. You were just having a bad day. I can understand why you would feel frustrated about what seems a very arbitrary decision, but it is up to the manufacturer to set their price & then up to the manager to decide whether he is willing to sell certain products either at a loss, at cost, or for a profit. He needs to feed his family & pay his employees & such as well, so I do want to put that out there for you to consider.

That said, I wouldn't worry about going back into the store. If the manager knows anything about everything you have been going through lately, he will understand how you could have been on edge. Even if he knows nothing at all about you, I imagine he has worked with enough people to understand that everybody had bad days & sometimes we lose it & take our our frustrations on innocent (or mostly innocent) bystanders. If you feel it's warranted, you can tell him that you're sorry you yelled & that while you wish he would have lowered the price, that you do value other aspects of his store & will continue to shop there for needed items. If you don't think that's necessary, I wouldn't even worry about it. Go in there & do your shopping. If anyone asks (& I doubt they will) just tell them that you said some things without thinking them through (which is true -- if you would have thought about how much you need their grocery items, you probably wouldn't have yelled) and that after some thought you have decided to come back.

Very few people (especially in this economy) would not welcome a customer back to their store after a single blow-up. Unless you did something really awful like insult his wife or threaten to physically harm him (in which case you most definitely do owe him an apology), I doubt he'll even give it another thought by the end of this weekend. Give both of you a few days to cool off & then go back about your business. :)



I do hope you are feeling a bit better. I know you are under an immense amount of stress right now. Please let me & the others know if there is some specific way we can support you through everything. You are a wonderful person & I'm sure there is not a single one of us on here who has not done nearly the exact same thing more than once in our lives. It was a mistake, nothing more.

peace & prayers,
frances
Posted 6/10/2009 1:14 AM (GMT 0)
We have done or thought about doing something similiar. Relax or you could return the can of dog food, just to really express how upset you are. I would also double check what their weekly adver's say just to make sure.  Of course you could always write their headquarters, but that might be overkill.
Posted 6/10/2009 2:03 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Aurora.... I feel ya, I had my own episode in a grocerie store the other day.... what is it about grocerie stores?

I just wanted to identify.... hang in there.... and I'd go back to the store if only to get the few things there you couldnt get anywhere else... no need to do without those things, or go to far out of your way.... and the others are right, the manager probably never thought more of it than you were just having a bad day, and he probably will be happy to see you again and forget the whole thing.

peace
Posted 6/10/2009 2:40 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Aurora, we all have days when we act differently than we normally would, especially when we're under stress. Sometimes, that little thing that doesn't seem like a big deal is just the last straw and that's when we act on our emotions. If you think it will be awkward to see these employees again, then it might be a good idea to apologize just so you aren't stressed every time you need to shop there. But the fact that you had your groceries carried out for you is pretty good indication that you are still a valued customer and they want you back.

NW
Posted 6/10/2009 3:38 AM (GMT 0)
hello Aurora, sorry to hear of the incident in the grocery store. it happens to all of us under certain situations, we end up doing something we are not proud of. if you choose to return to the store, I would recomend talking to the manager and just tell him you had a bad day and that you didn't mean what you said, and appologize. I don't think he would mind you coming back and I'm sure he will accept your appology if you decide to give him one.

I was having a bad day once, and like nightwish says sometimes the last straw effect makes you do something you won't normally do. it was a very hectic day for me and after working all day in the bank I had to go to the office for an urgent meeting but I could not find a parking anywhere near the office I kept circulating and it was very hot, and then I found a car getting out, so I stoped and signalled that I am going to enter the spot once the car is out, then suddenly another car comes by and steals the spot without any consideration he just jumps into the spot I was wating for. so I got out of the car and I tried talking to the guy nicely but he ignored me and I flipped , I felt a surge of adrenalin in my body and I was actually thinking about hitting him, but instead thank god I only shouted at him for doing that, then I said some bad words to him, he returned by saying "you two" and he kept looking at me waiting for my next move, I stood still and tried to think about what I'm doing, I know that this isn't me and the anger I am feeling in this situation was driving me nuts, it is good that I managed to control myself, I didn't appologize but I just backed off and went back to my car to find another parking spot, I kept thinking that I'm lucky that day I didn't do anything more than words, what could have happened if I tried to hurt him or stuff like that? I could have ended up in jail or something, there is a lot of possibilaties I guess.

So just know that you are not alone your not the only one who did something that your not exactly proud of , out of anger or stress sometimes we loose our mind and we may do something to regret for the rest of our lifes, it is good at least nothing serius happened to you and for me also, nothing that cannot be repaired anyway.

I hope you will get through these difficlut times you are going through now, good luck to you and your son :)
Posted 6/10/2009 3:51 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Aurora,

I agree with the rest of them. I don't think the store wants to lose you as a customer, so go back in when you need to. If you see the manager, and feel like it, apologize if you want. Everybody has a bad day. And I too can not understand why that certain food wasn't on sale also. but that happens sometimes. So don't feel bad or awkward about it. You were just having a bad day. That happens.

You are a good person Aurora, and remember we have all gone through this. It is a part of life. When things build up inside of us. We need to vent. And sometimes others catch our wrath. But I am sure that at one time or another, you caught it from somebody else. I hope that you feel better soon. You have come a long way with your son's situation. It is hard when you see somebody you love going through a difficult time. But I am sure that things will get better soon.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 6/10/2009 10:29 AM (GMT 0)
you vented my dear, it could have been anyone. or any such situation. i hope u are feeling better. jamie.
Posted 6/10/2009 1:32 PM (GMT 0)

Aurora,

Oh my, we are way to much alike.  I am a "customer has rights" person too and my daughter can tell when I am getting agitated with something in a store so she will ask me if I am going to do my "thing' because if I am she will wait by the door.......... devil

I try to be assertive but I know I don't always pick my battles well and depending on how I am feeling I may be able to overlook a slight or something I feel is inappropriate or I may do "I am the customer routine"

I have talked to more then one store manager and most of the time it has worked out or I have chosen to let it go.

No beating yourself up.................your reacted and it is over. 

Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could.

Kitt
Posted 6/10/2009 4:39 PM (GMT 0)

Thank you all for your understanding replies.  I feel better knowing others have gone through the same thing.  I guess it was just a bad day and i'm not really crazy, just overwhelmed with all the stress in my life.  I have been the biggest support and help to my son but now he thinks he is making me depressed (I truly am) and he says he won't talk to me very much about his situation anymore. I told him I am always here for him and he shouldn't give up on me helping him.  I told him if he wanted I would just sit and listen and not make comments or give advice. We will see how it goes. He does depend a lot on his friends who have been a good support system for him and he does have his counselor. I just worry about him because he isn't sleeping much and that can be bad for his health but he just dismisses me.  Actually he got mad at my suggestion that he call his internist and see about a short term, gentle sleeping med. He says he wants to do this on his own. He just can't stop thinking about her and wants to be sure he come out "on top", that she is not getting over him and finding hapiness before he does. But I told him he is no longer haveing contact with her so how would he know and why should he even care if they are through. He is being a bit irrational here but I guess thats what love can do. I just hope that in time he will feel better and stop thinking about her. He is wasting his time and energy.

Aurora

Posted 6/11/2009 2:14 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Aurora. You are such a great mom! I'm sure your son is so grateful that you're there for him as he is healing. You had great advice about how ending the relationship entirely frees him from having to know how she is coping or what she is up to. In time, your son will think about her less and less but I think it takes time to get some perspective on the whole thing. Their final conversation was so recent, and I'm sure he's replaying it in his head. But that memory will fade a little more and more over time until he is able to remember less specific things about it and his emotions will calm. Once the anger dissipates, he will be able to hold on to the valuable lessons, recall some good memories, and may even be able to internally wish her well someday soon. Know that every time he talks to you about her or vents his frustrations with the situation, he is that much closer to finding acceptance, forgiveness, and happiness. I think it just feels really good for him to be able to get it all out.

Hugs,
NW
Posted 6/11/2009 3:38 AM (GMT 0)

Kitt, I think we are cut from the same mold.  Could have been great friends in real life if we lived closer.  But it is great having you for my HW buddy.

NW, thank you for your very insightful and wise reply.  I know he will get better eventually. I think the situation is still raw since he just had his final conversation.  He needs to let the time pass. But I am keeping my mouth shut now and just listening.  He is very vulnerable right now and if I say Boo the wrong way he will turn on me.  So I am just trying to give him his space and let him come to me.  And although I shouldn't have had such a melt down in the grocery store yesterday I do not regret it because I am feeling much better today.

Love & hugs to all,

Aurora

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