HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Break-up

Support Forums
>
Depression
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 6/14/2009 3:14 AM (GMT 0)
Hey everyone,

I need to vent and I don't have anywhere else to go. I got broken up with. This may sound stupid - but I feel like it confirms all my fears. He stuck with me through trials of several medications. He would drive me to doctor's appointments and I thought really cared about my health and my getting better. He was so involved and seemed so caring - and then broke up with me out of the blue. This may sound really banal and stupid because obviously everyone has to go through this at some point but what really gets me is the timing. Why stay for that long and make me trust you before dumping me ? Why not just tell me ? He recently sent me messages like "hey how's it going?" and I can't help feeling so much anger. I can't make him love me, I get that. But to think that he broke up with me and is now sending me messages ? Why not leave me alone ? Wasn't it Eleanor Roosevelt or someone that said no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Confirming all my fears has shaken me up because I feel like if I was right to be insecure all along then there isn't a whole lot to get excited about. I guess these are just questions for the cosmos, but ... WHY?!
Posted 6/14/2009 3:22 AM (GMT 0)
blue moon,
I am RIGHT there with you. I don't know why he broke up with you, but I feel your pain. I am suffering from a breakup as well..one that was a long time in coming but still hurts. Maybe he feels he can't be there for you like you need him too, or maybe something else happened. Just know that your anger is justified and that you are still a wonderful person with alot to offer. And no, breakups aren't trivial. IMO personal relationships, be they friendships or loves, are what bind us together and make life worth living. My advice is to not respond to his messages and to keep your mind busy doing things that don't make you think of him.. I KNOW it is difficult, as its eating me up inside now as well. If you want/need to talk, feel free to email me: [email protected]
best
M
Posted 6/14/2009 4:31 AM (GMT 0)
dear bluemoon, sorry this has happened. sometimes life sucks. be good to yourself, amd take care of you. is it actually over? jamie, 37.

dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

Posted 6/14/2009 6:18 AM (GMT 0)
Bluemoon i know the terrible pain which you are feeling. I got dumped three weeks ago for no apparent reason too. Girl all i can say is focus on YOU. People tell me it will get better with time, i try to believe that.. u should too. I know it hurts and you feel rejected and angry but one day he will regret it. Just do you. You can do bad all by yourself mama. If you want to talk you can message me and we'll get thru this together. Stay strong. listen music too.
Posted 6/14/2009 12:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Blue Moon, I’m sorry about your break-up. I know it’s really painful, and I think sometimes the worst part is not understanding why a break-up happens. Some things are beyond our comprehension, no matter how much soul searching we do, and it takes time to accept that. Sometimes people fall out of love, even when they don’t want to or plan to, and it’s possible that your ex doesn’t even fully understand why he feels the way he does. I’m sorry that he’s still sending you messages…..I think it’s often easier to heal when you don’t have to see or speak to the person after the fact. Maybe he is feeling guilty, or maybe he thinks the two of you can be friends….it’s hard to say. However, you may have to spell it out for him that you want to be left alone. Hopefully, he will respect that. You have a right to feel anger or any other emotion that comes up for you. Grief is a process that runs on its own schedule, so please be patient and kind to yourself, and give yourself a chance to heal from this. You have my sincere compassion in your situation.
Posted 6/14/2009 1:21 PM (GMT 0)
Heej Moon, and Fare as well,

What I am about to say might help, but it might not. I say it because it is helping me to get through. I believe true love for someone is wanting that person to be happy above all else. And that includes yourself. As long as I feel envy when someone doesn't like me but do like someone else, I tend to think about it and say I am not ready yet. If I were ready, I would only care about her happiness, not mine. And thus I have to accept others can offer the person in question more than I can. Because, how can you fully love someone when you fear losing him / her? Because when you can't, a part of your love will be based on your own happiness, not the happiness of that other person. You might do things to avoid losing him or her, for your own sake, whilst it might be harmful to them.

Yet, as much as the above helps me, it still can be incredible hard. I bet you are a wonderful person, and you deserve as much love as everyone else. And it will come to you, I have no doubt about that, if you allow it to find you. If there is anything I can do, please don't hesitate to let me know OK? For now, maybe you could try to do some things you enjoy doing, to take your mind of the nasty stuff.

All the very best!

Erik
Posted 6/14/2009 4:31 PM (GMT 0)
BlueMoon,

I am so sorry for the pain you are suffering. You have received some awesome advice from the members and I just wanted you to know you have my support.

Kitt
Posted 6/15/2009 1:44 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks, everyone.

Music and chick flicks are definitely helping. I have been trying to not feel selfish about taking care of myself, which is really hard ! It makes me feel a lot better knowing that other people have gone/are going through the same thing, so thanks for listening/responding. It really helps to just get my feelings out.
Posted 6/15/2009 11:36 AM (GMT 0)
you are doing well my friend. we are all here for you. jamie
Posted 6/15/2009 3:55 PM (GMT 0)
Heeja Blue,

How are you doing atm? Helping yourself isn't selfish at all! You are most useful to this world when you are happy and compassionate, so investing time is that is helping everyone! Thank you for that!

Take care!
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply