im breaking

Hi Ella, I hope you will take the earlier advice on the other thread and talk to someone, whether it be the minister you mentioned or another counselor. I hate to see you hurting like this, and I want you to know that you don't have to go through this alone. Yes, you CAN trust yourself......you have a lot more strength inside than you realize. If your best friend was hurting like this, wouldn't you do anything that you could to help her to feel better? That is the kind of devotion you need to focus on yourself right now. Please do talk to someone, Ella.....you deserve to feel at peace and happy about things again. (((hugs)))

Hi Ella, I'm really sorry you're struggling so much! It's understandable that you would be afraid to talk to the minister.....I was really afraid to talk to my therapist when I first went to see her, too, but I was amazed at how things just started pouring out once I got past the first few minutes. It's a really good feeling to be able to let the feelings out like that. Please stop telling yourself that you can't trust yourself.....words are powerful, Ella, and you are just convincing yourself more and more with every word. Instead, when you find yourself saying those things, STOP....and say to yourself, "I can trust myself...I know I can!" You have the power inside you to change your mind about this, okay? Wouldn't it be great if you summoned the courage to talk to your minister, and walked out after your appointment feeling better? What a great relief that would be! Just please think about this, okay?

Hi Ella, No, you don't sound stuck up, don't worry! You wouldn't be lying to yourself....you would be telling yourself the truth, IMO. I think the fear is clouding your judgment about yourself, that's all. In other words, if you didn't have this fear running the show right now, you would realize how strong you are inside and how much you really CAN believe in yourself.....do you know what I mean? I'm going to have to log off in a minute, as it's getting late where I am, but I want you to hang in there and think about the counseling. It can be a really good experience! I say this because of my own positive experience, and also because I care. Please keep us posted about this, okay? And take good care of yourself....you deserve it!

Ella,
Raniah's already given you great advice & I don't have anything to add about that.

The only other thing I did want to say is to encourage you that I don't think your parents want to get rid of you by sending you to camp. I don't know your parents & can't say for sure, but it sounds like they have strong Christian values & are trying to do everything possible to impart those values to you. You are your own person & can make up your own mind about what you want to believe, but it honestly sounds like they are just trying to share their beliefs with you.

The problem with depression is that it can often lead to paranoia. Paranoia means thinking that people are thinking bad thoughts about you, or at its worst, are trying to do things to get rid of you or to hurt you. Again, I would encourage you to talk to a trusted adult about your feelings. If you can't talk to your mom, that's fine. But I still want to encourage you to talk to someone you do trust -- your dad (if he's around), your extended family, your friend's parents, a teacher, a counselor, a coach, etc. It really is important for us to face our problems, rather than just trying to run from them or hide from them or pretend they don't exist. That doesn't help anything & almost always makes the problem worse.

We are happy to help you as much as we are able on this Forum, but forum members can only do so much & are not a good substitute for face-to-face therapy. Please keep your mind open to different options that might be available to you. Realize that Raniah is exactly right that once someone (& I speak from personal experience) goes to see their counselor/minister/etc. the first time, that a lot of that nervous stress goes away. Our fears tend to be much worse than reality.

gb,
frances