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Posted 7/13/2009 12:25 AM (GMT 0)
I have been feeling so down this summer as I have posted before.  Saw my Pdoc about 10 days ago.  She upped my a/d med to the next dose.  I haven't been on it  long enough to tell if its helping but I am feeling slightly better. I'm hopeful this will be the solution.  I am really pushing myself to get out and do things.  It's not easy.  Tues evening there is a meeting of a depression support group I have been to in the past.  The last time I went it wasn't helpful at all and I felt I wasted my time.  I am hoping since I haven't been in about 1 - 1/2 yrs that there will be some new people and someone I might connect with.  In the past it was mostly parents of adult bipolar children.  It would be easier for me if there were people there looking for support for depression. I am really going to have to force myself to go as I am anxious about going. Yesterday was sad for me.  It was the anniversary of what would have been my sister's 70th birthday.  I can't believe she would have been that age.  She has been gone for 18 yrs. My oldest son and I went to the cemetery and put yellow roses from my garden at the headstone. It helps me when I go there to remember an anniversary for one of my family members.  I have to get beyond 2 dates that are going to be hard for me.  Labor day last year is when my younger son got engaged.  They called me and were so happy. I also have to get beyond Oct. 3 which is when they would have been married.  I know these will be tough days for my son but I am going to let him decide what he is going to do to get through those days. If he wants to be with friends that would be fine with me.  I think on Oct. 3 if he is with friends that I will invite some girlfriends over for a little pot luck dinner.  That may help me to be with friends.  They would all have been invited to the wedding. I'm doing the best I can but it is still hard. Just needed to let my feelings out and get some support.

Aurora

Posted 7/13/2009 12:45 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Aurora, I’m so glad to know that you are feeling a little better. I pray that the increase in meds will continue to improve your feelings in this way. I know it’s not easy to push yourself out of the house right now, but I think you are absolutely doing the right thing, and you should feel proud of your efforts. As many of us know, every little step is a big accomplishment when you’re depressed, and it should be recognized as such. I hope the depression support group works out better than it did the last time. I think you have reason to be optimistic about having a different variety of people, given the amount of time that has passed since you were last there. Please let us know how it goes. If you feel anxious on Tuesday and need a boost, you can always email me and I will cheer you forward. I’m sorry you had a difficult day yesterday. It’s natural that the sadness would be there, and I think for all of us when we lose a loved one, there is a place in our hearts where we hold those precious memories and grieve the loss of what we had. I’m very glad to know that your son went with you to place your beautiful roses at your sister’s headstone. It’s important to have love and support during sad days such as this. I think you are so wise to plan ahead for the Oct. 3rd date, by thinking about a pot luck dinner with your friends. You really do have good coping skills, Aurora, and I know your friends will probably feel very blessed to be with you and support you during that time. The way that you deal with your troubles and strive for new solutions is very inspiring to me, and I know it must be to others here as well. Please know that we are here for you, and will do anything we can to offer support. Take care.
Posted 7/13/2009 5:50 AM (GMT 0)
Aurora,
Glad you are feeling a bit better! Hang in there! I will try to post more to you on Tuesday as I have a super full day today, but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you & hoping that each day gets a little bit easier for you.

hugs & prayers,
Frances
Posted 7/13/2009 7:23 AM (GMT 0)
dearest aurora.

anniversaries are tough. i too have a real dear one next month. yes, people around you at this time is important. hugs of warmth and compassion. jamie

Posted 7/13/2009 4:35 PM (GMT 0)

Dear Raniah, Frances and Jamiee, thank you for your replies and support.  I am really going to need all my strength to get to the meeting tomorrow night.  I do want to go but actually doing it is going to be a struggle for me.  I don't know what is holding me back. I guess it is just anxiety. And I really don't like to go out at night or drive in the dark although it is only about a 10 min drive from my house.  I guess I just need the encouragement to get myself to do this.  I am sure I will be glad I went afterwards.

Jamiee, I am here to support you when you have your time of need for an anniversary.  Yes, they are hard but remembering someone you love is also a comfort.

Aurora

Posted 7/13/2009 5:42 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Aurora,

I just wanted to say that I hope that you go to the group meeting. You never know, you might make some friends there. and if it isn't for you, you can always leave when you want to.

I understand about being anxious before going. I get a little anxious before I do anything. I think that we just have those tendancies. But I always feel better when I go and get out. It is hard, I know, believe me. But we can do it. And you know what? If you don't, it is no big deal. But if you do, that is fantastic!!!

Relax in knowing that whatever you decide is okay. It takes some of the pressure off of making the decision.

I also understand about your loss. It is hard when we think about losing loved ones. But I too think that it was wonderful that your son went with you to place those roses on the grave. I have hard times going to gravesites. It takes me a lot to just think about going. I am really proud of you going.

I haven't been on the forum much because I have been working. But I see you have got some wonderful advice from fellow members. I think that is wonderful.

I hope that you have a good day.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 7/13/2009 7:20 PM (GMT 0)

Karen, thank you for your kind and thoughtful reply. Knowing that I don't have to go to the meeting if I feel I can't does take some pressure off of me.  I am feeling like I will go as I hope to get support and maybe meet some new people.  I know you are working hard and have many things to do.  I hope you are enjoying your job.  I am still looking for part time work but there is nothing. Maybe in the fall something will come up.  I really appreciate you taking the time to answer me with your busy schedule.  Take care.

Hugs,

Aurora

Posted 7/13/2009 10:44 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Aurora, Karen makes a good point, and as she said, you can always leave when you want to. You are totally in the driver's seat on this one! I really hope it works out well for you. (((hugs)))
Posted 7/14/2009 12:45 AM (GMT 0)

Dear Raniah, I am so sorry to learn that you have been so sick.  I hope you will soon be feeling better.  Make sure you get plenty of rest.  One thing I always find soothing when sick is drinking hot tea with honey.  It really seems to calm down a cough.  And what a great dr. who will come to your house.  You and Karen are right about the meeting - I can always leave if I feel it isn't right for me. But at this point I am feeling more positive about going and I am making plans to attend.  Thanks again for your support and do take good care of yourself.

Gentle hugs,

Aurora

Posted 7/14/2009 12:49 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much, Aurora. You are absolutely right about hot tea with honey! I do that, too. I'm glad you are feeling more positive about going to your meeting. You know we are all here cheering you on! Please let us know how it goes if you feel like sharing.
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