What can I do???

Hello everyone.  My name is Mike and I have been married to my wife for nearly ten years now.  We have two beautiful children - one 7yo and a 2yo.  In the last month my wife has been going down an emotional whirlpool.  She, as of yesterday, tells me she is not in love with me anymore and that she feels like she is incapable of feeling love or any other emotion.  For the last week she has asked for time and space so I have been staying at a friends apartment.  She tells me that she is so uncomfortable around me because she sees the pain in my face and it makes her feel guilty for causing the pain.  She did say that ideally she wants to be in love with me.  Has no desire to see our marriage end or break up our family.  However, each day gets more and more difficult.  It is breaking my heart.  I do whatever I can to be there for her.  I got her to go to the doctor to start finding a way to treat some the ailments she pocesses.  She actually begins seeing a counselor today.  I am reaching out to those husbands who have stayed the course and have made it to the end for any insight on what I can do to ensure I do not do anything that might jeopardize my future with my family.  Not tucking my kids in each night is painful.  Not being able to kiss/hug my wife hurts.  She has become unaffectionate.  She has become distant.  She was such a compassionate, loving, caring chirstian woman but now she thinks everyone is judging her, that she is disappointing everyone, and that she needs to be alone.  What can I do to get back into her life so that I can assist in the healing process?

Thanks in advance.  Mike.

I agree with Kitt, taking time for yourself and counseling would be helpful and supportive. We do have a lot of other people in relationships that are like yours. I hope that you read the link that she posted so you can get a grip on what others are going through. These are trying times, hang in there. It is wonderful that your wife has started counseling, I am sure that this will help your situation.

Best wishes for a wonderful day.

Hugs, Karen

You have to learn to over look the negativity. This is all a part of the depression. You feel hopeless. Everything seems negative. But now that she is going into counseling, things will change. Not over night though. It takes time. So there is a slightly long road to recovery. Be patient, if you can. Have faith that things will work out for the best. Keep posting, as we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen

Heeja Mike,

First of all, I am sorry to hear what you and your wife are going trough. The real problem with depression is that there isn't a medicine for it, or a cure that will always work. It is different for everyone, and therefore it is hard to know what the right thing to do is. Personally, I would prefer someone to accept what I am going trough. I mean, someone saying "Hee, I love you and want you to be better!" isn't really helpful. I still believe that people who are depressed want to get out of it (not a very odd assumption I hope). So telling them to get out whilst they are trying isn't a good thing to do in my opinion. However, showing that you care about that and are willing to help them in their quest to get out is a helpful thing.

So, showing her that you care by trying to as supportive as you can be, whilst accepting the situation she is in, would be my advise. However, I must warn you I am a 19-year-old guy so not really comparable to your wife . Maybe she is totally different. Though genuine love (in: wanting the best for her) is never a bad thing.

Take care my friend!

Erik

Thank you so much CU. I think we are for sure in similar circumstances. She did go to a counselor on Monday and what was supposed to be a one hour meeting lasted 2 1/2 hours. She said that it felt good to talk to someone who didnt know her and that she said it is obtainable but it will be a long journey. She asked her to enroll in two classes offered by the church. A wednesday night class focusing on healing and one on Sunday morning about Spiritual understanding. She has agreed to do both. It is very up and down right now. Some days she seems to be happy and just a second later locks up shop and stares out into nothing. Through some discussion with her she has admitted to having unsettled past emotional scarring that she has dredged up and is allowing to dictate her feelings. I told her that Jesus stands before your past and blocks its way but she isnt receiving things of the Spirit right now. I spent the whole day with her yesterday and it was good. Unfortunately I had to leave towards the end of the night because she still desires space and time alone. I will not bail.. I wil fight for my marriage.. Let no man tear asunder what God has put together. This is my battlecry. I just wish I could crach her defenses and get invited back into the home. I miss my kids something tremendous. Thanks all. Mike.