Today,
i just got off the phone with her. she said that she is going to sleep because she is tired, she sounds tired and then when she does something like that she goes off somewhere like "going running" which i still find odd. i asked her if she could call me if she decides to go somewhere. she says why would i do that? i told her because i would just like to know and she says why do you want to know where i am. i just said because i do and always have, and so have you. and then she says fine whatever. and says goodbye, i love you. really quick and hangs up before i could say anything back to her. it upsets me when she does that. 
i love her so much i cant let her go. i just cant. i have been hurt so many times i cant handle another long relationship break up again. i didnt know what to do if she decides to not get back with me. but she promised we will be together, she just doesn't know when. last night she told me "if I'm not ready to go back out with you, will you still be my friend?" i said yes, (quietly). she said she is sorry that it's like this. and she wants to be with me. the part i dont understand is that if she wants to be with me. why isnt she??? another part is that. when we became engaged. she asked me to marry her.
im tryng so hard to keep her with me. i love her with all my heart. i dont know what i would do without her. i cant take another brake-up.