I Don't know how to go on...

Quin,
I am so sorry for all that you are going through. I cannot imagine how horrible the pain of that loss was.
I cannot directly relate to your situation, but I'm pretty close to it.
Early in our marriage, I carried him to the ER several times for EKGs because he felt he was having a heart attack. Each time they said it was a panic attack. His EKGs would be only slightly abnormal - but his pulse was sometimes 200 bpm. The pain that he felt was very real - but it usually started as a smaller symptom. For example, we found that he has GERD (basically awful stomach acid). After feeling the chest pain from it, he would get so worked up that his pulse and blood pressure were through the roof, and his breathing was shallow.
It has taken a lot of time and work to bring his life back to normal, but he's doing well now.
He takes 20 mg of Celexa and up to 30 or 40 mg of Buspar a day. His Buspar is taken 5 mg at a time as needed. Beyond his medication, we have taken a lot of steps.
First, we saw a multitude of doctors to make sure he was really okay. I even got him in to see a top cardiologist by crying shamefully (we're in our 20s and healthy - that was difficult.)
While there, I asked the cardiologist to explain how to differentiate between a heart attack and regular chest pain. We did cholesterol profiles (normal), stress tests (normal) MRIs, Cat Scans, (normal, normal, etc.)
After all of the physicians' help it took a lot of practiced calming techniques. I talked him down ten or fifteen times a day (sometimes calling my Dr. for reassurance.) I'm Bi-Polar - aren't we a cute couple. ;-)
Anyways, the point is that it will probably take time and a lot of work, but it is worth it. And you're not "crazy" - even if your pain is related to anxiety, it still hurts. You do deserve support, and you do deserve for doctors to listen to you.
That said, hopefully your body is as healthy as my hubby's turned out to be.
Just hang in there and utilize any medical help available to work through this - you deserve a better quality of life.
:: Sending Hugz Your Way ::

quin, so sorry for your loss. you are on the right track in seeking help. if i can be of help please do not hesitate in posting me. my e-mail is open also. my healing prayers to you. with compassion.

jamie.

dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

I cannot imagine your sorrow.  Please do get some grief counseling.   I am high anxiety and chest pains and breathing irregularities are my clue that something is out of control.....me.  Hopefully your meds will help that part soon.  I am on Buspar for anxiety and it has taken away all the physical effects of anxiety.  Talk to your Dr. if you feel that the meds are not working.  Chat us up anytime, we are all here to help.  My prayers are with you.

Gem