My Sister

October 1st will be the 1st anniversary of the passing of my sister.  My depression has been pretty bad remembering her makes things even tougher.  She was such an influence in my life and I am constantly reminding myself that she is where she would want to be if not here with her family.  I found several cards and little things that were given to me over the years and it is bittersweet.  I miss her so very much.  I have an extreme amount of turmoil in my life now!  I feel so lost and my life seems to matter less to people that I care about.  I have truly found that even the best of girlfriends let you down.

I find myself trusting noone lately and feel like I am under a microscope for everything I say or do.  You know, I just get tired of me.  I am playing the thought of moving either to another city or in the suburbs of my town.  Just feel lonely and maybe change of direction is one of the solutions, I dont know.

My daughter and grandson have left and are staying with others right now, we are fine, she just has to take care of things.  One good thing has come of this and that is that my grandson's other grandmother have talked after many inconsiderate words and actions.  I am trying a new beginning with her and it seems positive.

I hope everyone is doing ok, I think of you even though I dont post

 

Hi Teresa,

It is a bittersweet time, and I know how you feel. I have lost two of my sisters. They both died in their late 40"s. So time was short on this earth. But you have a lot of good times to remember. And momentos from the past. That is wonderful.

I am glad that you and the other grandma are getting along. It is so important for your grandson that there be a peaceful relationship.

I am so happy that you wrote. I know that autumn brings back a lot of memories. That dejavu feeling comes to me often this time of year. Thanks for stopping in and letting us know how you are doing. Always remember that we are here to support you. And we think of you often.

Hugs, Karen

Things will get better Teresa,

I know that you are having a hard time and don't have a computer right now. But please keep us informed. We all care about you.

I am sorry that your depression is so bad right now. And about the vns system. I hope that you can find some help. You are a wonderful person, don't ever forget that. One day at a time my friend.

Sending you some cyber tea. Hope it helps.

Hugs, Karen

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to let everyone know that I have been extremely ill lately.  I am being told that it is because my VNS was turned off and that it is like going through a withdrawal like a med.  Because I have had it for 3 years, my body's chemical balance was monitoredby the conduction.  So long story short, I guess I am actually going through a "drug" withdrawal and will probably continue to feel badly for several months.  I was depressed enough but now I am so nauseated all the time.  I am trying to keep the faith but it is getting really hard and my hopes are being quickly dashed.  I do hope something happens so that something will be worth living for.  I have been so sick that I cannot even watch my grandbaby!

 

I just so much want to have a better life.

 

My son will be 9 on the 19th and I dont even have energy or funds to throw him a birthday party.  I dont think that God has me on his priority list, lol.

Teresa,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope that things get better soon. I am sorry that you aren't up to your son's birthday. Just being with him is enough I am sure. But I do understand how you feel.

I really do hope that you feel better soon. I hope that they can find something to help you feel better.

Hugs, Karen

Thanks you guys.

 

I just remembered that Sweetest Day is Saturday.  I know alot of people dont celebrate it but "we" always did.  Just one more thing to think about.  As usual I have no plans, Im just really sad.

Hi everyone.  I had to bring library books back so I thought I would stop and leave a quick note.  The past few days, my depression has been really bad and with the holidays coming I am really worried about my ability to stay well.  The holidays always have been hard on me but now it is even more difficult.  December holds an event that is devastating to me.  I am feeling really sad and tired.

I have been having anxiety attacks lately too.....Just want to feel better!

keep strong my dear. my compassionate healing blessings to you. jamie.