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I dont think I matter anymore...

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Posted 10/14/2009 1:22 AM (GMT 0)
Christi,
That totally sucks about your former teacher being such a jerk. I think it is really playing with fire for her to befriend her students, but if she is doing that to the exclusion of you, that seems unfair.

But setting that aside, Have you ever had your thyroid checked? I know when I first started having problems with my thyroid I was super depressed & I was burning up. They finally decided to run a TSH test months later after I had lost a third of my hair. Turns out that was the root of a lot of my problems -- why I was not able to regulate my temperature, why I kept getting infections, why my blood pressure was so low, a major cause of my low energy, depression, etc. It also caused me to develop borderline anemia. Once I started the Synthroid I felt so much better.

Maybe it's just the flu or something -- I know that's going around -- but if it's affecting your mood & such as well, might be worth a trip to the doctors.

take care,

(((hugs)))

frances
Posted 10/14/2009 3:11 AM (GMT 0)
Christi:

I'm sorry I haven't posted again until now.  It's unfortunate that you have felt so hurt by your teacher's response.  But I am glad and proud of you that you were able to follow-up with her again.  I know that when I don't have or can't get answers to unresolved issues, that alone usually makes me feel worst.  Hopefully soon you will be able to move on from this.

...You got excellent responses from the other members above though.  I hope they helped you and you will have a better week this week.  Just hang in there and please know how much you matter to all of us.

Cass

Posted 10/14/2009 3:34 AM (GMT 0)
I recieved a card today from the nurse so that I can get my Focalin for free! I had set up and appt with her and my pdoc to talk about it... but now we changed it and I will start taking it tomorrow and I will see her in about 2 weeks to see if it is helping me.

Ive had that hot feeling before. I have never known what causes it or anything or why I feel so bad, but it always goes away.. it took a while but it went away. I went and visited my high school and talked to the teacher there that I am good friends with and she helped me for about 2 years talking about my depression and everything and I also talked to my counselor from there so I felt a little better after that. Also, my former teacher emailed me and said alot that made me feel better about that situation. Im not angry with her, but I was upset by it.... but its just very confusing and very hard to "choose" to believe one way or the other you know... but Im interested in what she has to say... Im always up for reasoning..

I have to work at the hospital in the morning. And do chemistry work. I have a quiz and I have NO IDEA what is going to be on it........ because I have missed class twice. And then I have another class I have to get 2 days of notes from...then I have lab and I have to do better in there because right now I am actually failing it...... surprising I know... but I really am so....

Today hasnt been AS bad as some of the other days I have been having, but it hasnt been a picnic either..... its been complicated.... Im just so drained now.... well I need to look over some stuff for class. thanks for everything, you guys always have some way of making me feel a little bit better!
Posted 10/14/2009 10:22 AM (GMT 0)
keep positive, and well. here for you. jamie. things will improve.
Posted 10/14/2009 4:40 PM (GMT 0)
 Hi I'm new to the forum, but was reading how your day has been. U do matter I have to tell myself that alot!! I have been there walked so much that my legs could of fell of, and yes U do notice every little thing I mean everything, U are not wierd at all. As for the meds I know how U feel U have to remember to take them because the withdrawal is terrible. As for your brother he's not going to come out and say that he has a young lady pregnant, I have an 18 yr old and he is scared to tell me when I ask him. Give him sometime he will come around if it's true. I hope the rest of your day starts getting better.
Posted 10/14/2009 4:40 PM (GMT 0)
Christi,

I am so happy that you will get your medication for free. You deserve that. I am sure that it will help you. Best wishes for a better day.

Huggles to you, Karen
Posted 10/14/2009 5:32 PM (GMT 0)

I am having an even worse day than ever. I went to the pharmacy and they couldnt find my script... they said it had been filled but no one signed for it... It was nowhere... and to get it filled I needed another script. I called the doctor and they said I would have to file a police report and bring it to them so they could give me the script...............

I am so sick and tired of everything and having to fight to get a medicine that I dont even know will help me or not. I am forgetting everything. I forget to set my alarms, appts., to do work, exams, etc.... and the bad thing is, I have everything written down and I keep 3-4 calendars that I keep everything on and write myself notes.

I have skipped Chemistry 3 days now and missed a quiz. I have missed another class 2 days in a row... I am not going to class and I am not doing my work... I cant go to school because I cant deal with the pressure and stress it is putting on me right now... I dont feel like I can handle things and Im afraid of what will happen...

What should I do?? Im going crazy..... Im upset and frustrated and just ready to give it all up and get away from everything. I cant handle all of this.... its killing me.. and I dont know what to do...

Posted 10/14/2009 7:11 PM (GMT 0)
Christi,

Just do what you have to do in order to get your prescription. It is a bother, but it can be done. You can do this and you can get through this right now. It isn't as hard as it is seeming. Things do go this way in life, you have to learn to take it in stride and go with it. It will all work out. Don't give up. We are all here behind you. Push forward. You can do this. You are a strong woman!!!

Big hugs, Karen
Posted 10/14/2009 9:15 PM (GMT 0)
Christi, do you own a mobile phone? I do know of some clever, techy, people who are able to put their daily "to-do" list onto their mobile phone, and set their phone's alarm so that it goes off at certain times during the day, with reminders: e.g. at 11am, "go to library, return books, post letters", or whatever.

Please do try not to be hard on yourself. Just think: if you had been in a car accident and injured your spine, would you be thinking bad things about yourself simply because you were having trouble walking this week? I think not. It seems to me that you are having a very hard time, physically, mentally and emotionally, and that these physical, mental and emotional issues are causing a lot of "symptoms" in your daily life, be it forgetfulness or whatever. Just as you wouldn't beat yourself up about having trouble walking, I think it might be better for you not to beat yourself up for being forgetful. They are symptoms of your illness, not indicative that anything is wrong with you as a person, ok? Keep telling yourself that so that you remember, because it's *important* that you keep feeling ok about yourself.

Have you talked to anyone at uni about how you're feeling? I'm thinking maybe the disability services department...? It might be possible for someone to tape the lectures so you don't have to go, and then you might find it easier to work on your studies at home.

Hang in there.

Ivy (apologies if this is a little rambling; it's early here).
Posted 10/15/2009 2:33 AM (GMT 0)
Yes, I have a cell phone and I never EVER used the calendar until I few weeks ago.. I set everything on my phone calendar and I have alarms that go off for everything. I am reminded of everything but I cant get myself in the mood to do anything. I cant focus to do my work. I cant sit still and concentrate on it at all... I ALWAYS end up doing something else..

Im not sure.... I would probably be forcing myself to start walking as soon as possible. I even get depressed about things like that. I broke some toes and had stitches etc and wasnt suppose to walk around much or do anything. That doesnt work for me, I went and played tennis. I stood there and moved some but didnt run ya know.... but still. I had surgery on my foot once and I still did things. I had a cast on my leg once and when I got home I played a game of softball (and won!).... If for some reason I wasnt able to walk or something I would get down and upset at myself and force myself to work as hard as possible. Even if they are symptoms of my illness, I get upset with myself for having the illness in the first place and not being able to do anything about it, and when my meds dont work I think its just me.... things are always complicated with me. I cant even find a med that works to help me. And I cant do anything to cure myself.. so I just feel like a failure....


I looked up the disability thing when I read that because our University does have a disability support office and I have wondered what they can go for me with my fibromyalgia. I am going to go by the office Friday when I go to class and see if I can get some info stuff.... they have a huge thing outside the office and I will check and see if they have anything that relates to me... if not I will ask about it... but thats a good idea. I need to talk to my pdoc about it and see if he can send a letter to my professors. Now that the weather is changing, my fibro is getting a lot worse. And Im starting not to go to class because of the pressure and how overwhelmed I feel and I dont like being there with all the people and noises.... maybe he can ask my professors if I can record the lectures and they can send me other work and I will go whenever I have a test or something...

Thats a good idea, thanks for the suggestion. I will look into it because I am starting to go downhill VERY fast academically. I used to do very well in school and I dont know what has changed but if I get nervous or scared about class I simply skip it... therefore I am doing pretty bad in my classes... and the worst part is that I really dont care when I miss. I miss because I cant handle it and I dont even feel guilty when I skip..... its like my self defense mechanism or something. I just CANT go.... And Im not sure what I am supposed to do about it... I cant fail my classes. And I cant lower my schedule because I have to be a full-time student in order to be covered by my moms insurance.

I guess I better go.... I want to go ly down and try to get some rest. Fortunately, I dont have class tomorrow because we are having conferences and dont have class so...... thats a good thing... although I have to go to chemistry on Friday and I need to talk with my professor about why I havent been there.. and even those its because I was "sick" (mentally) Im not sure what to tell him... ya kno... Thanks for all the encouragement...you all keep me going each day..
Posted 10/15/2009 10:34 PM (GMT 0)
I FINALLY got my medication! I just hope that it works so that it was worth all the fight I had to go through just to get it...

Anyone have any experience with Focalin XR??
Posted 10/16/2009 2:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Christi,

I am so happy for you!!!

Hugs, Karen
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