I screwed up royally again.

I have a special someone who was my very best friend in this world. We have children together and we had a life together. We've been through some very rough spots, because this is the first real functional relationship I've ever been in. But subconciously I screw up over and over again. I lie about the dumbest things, because I worry he'll get upset over them, and I constantly feel like he's going to leave me for someone better. My confidence has dropped in myself, his trust is borderline none exsistent with me, and I have been under so much stress I feel my heart pounding at times. I'm a full time student and not doing so hot in one class I'm worried about bills, and I need to fix my relationship. I don't know if it's salvageable or not. But I need help before it's too late. How do I build my trust in myself to be able to share what I need to and what I want to without fear of being judged or left? example I lied over a stupid myspace page...and a person in my phone. I didn't even have a reason to have them. I just did. The person's number was an old friend whom I never talk to but it just looked bad. My situations are so screwy. I have never cheated on him been faithful completley, but I put my self in these precarious positions that look really terrible and then I try to get out of it get caught and look more stupid. Does anyone understand what I am going through? I don't know if I'm even making sense to myself right now, but this is how it is. I screwed up and I need advice-it not help.

agree with karen, by doing so you are being true to you. my healing compassion to you. jamie

dx, mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

broken:  I am an expert with not having any self-confidence.  Have you considered meeting with a counselor...someone whom you could learn to trust and explore these issues with?  This has helped me tremendously over the years as its a great support system for me.  As far as the expense for this, you could look around for a sliding scale fee clinic so that you could afford this.

Good luck and keep posting.  We are here for you.

Cass