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Posted 10/28/2009 11:42 PM (GMT 0)
also i would like to thank all of the other persons that replied to my post. You are all so very kind here!!!! It makes me feel safe and happy on thi forum!!!!!!!!


best wishes to all,

beverley.c.
Posted 10/29/2009 2:09 AM (GMT 0)
cry  hi all why am i feeling so low to the point that i cant stop cryingor more like "sobbing" i just cant stop!!!!!!!  I feel like i'm loosing the plot as i dont understand anymore this is hell on earth
Posted 10/29/2009 2:19 AM (GMT 0)
cry  i'm sick of being alone and i need someone in my life but i cant bacause no man will ever exept me with an ileostomy"a horrible bag hanging off my gut",no breasts,no uterus,scars everywhere i'm just damaged good's!!! The last man i tried to have a relationship with took a photo of me out of my purse because i wouldn't be intimate so he went to the local hotel/pub pinned it to the wall stuck a bag on it then wrote a note that said "this ***** has a bag" he also told my mum that i will never have a man in my life bacause i have a bag/ileostomy. Why some people so cruel???? sorry i have to go cant stop crying to hard to see what i doing.......
Posted 10/29/2009 3:20 AM (GMT 0)
Beverly,

There will one day be somebody that comes into your life and loves you for who you are. And that is a wonderful person. That is what matters in life. Try to forget the cruel people. They are all over in this world. I see them every day. They mean nothing. They are just there. Learn to love yourself. Then others can love you too. But you have to take care of number one. That is you. You are a good person and you are special. Remember that. This isn't a really bad world. It is all in how we perceive it. It is how we react to things. It is us. That is what counts. So take care of you and the rest falls into place as it should.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/29/2009 3:33 AM (GMT 0)
At times, we all search for meaning in our lives, often in vain.
Perhap's the answer is not to find meaning, but to give it!!!!!!

We are often shaped as much by the pain in our life, as by the joy's!!!!

In times of desperation, sometimes what we seek cannot be easily be
found.
Or can it??????????

beverley.c.
Posted 10/29/2009 3:47 AM (GMT 0)
At times, we all search for meaning in our lives, often in vain.
Perhap's the answer is not to find meaning, but to give it!!!!!!

We are often shaped as much by the pain in our life, as by the joy's!!!!

In times of desperation, sometimes what we seek cannot be easily be
found.
Or can it??????????

beverley.c.
Posted 10/29/2009 3:58 AM (GMT 0)
NEW LIFE........
I'VE BEEN SITTING AROUND THIS LIFE FOR YEARS,
NOT ENOUGH LAUGHS AND TO MANY TEARS.
TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE IT ALL WENT?
THOSE WASTED YEARS I HAVE SPENT.

lOOKING FOR SOMETHING TO GO BEYOND,
LIFES A STONE SKIPPING ACCROSS A POND.
AT THE LAST SKIP,IT HIT'S WITH A SPLASH,
DOWN THE STONE SINKS, GONE IN A FLASH.

PUSHING PULLING, IT'S TEARING ME APART,
POKING AND PRODING AN UNDERUSED HEART.

THIS DARK CURTAIN THAT HIDES MY SOUL,

LIVING MY LIFE HAS TAKEN IT'S TOLL.
IN A FLASH OF LIGHT, THE CURTAIN IS TORN,
FALLING DOWN ALL TATTERED AND WORN.

NOW MY EYE'S SEE WHAT HAS NEVER BEEN TOLD,
STRIVING TO BE HAPPY,CONFIDENT AND BOLD.
IN A WORLD THAT'S UNFAMILIAR BUT FRIENDLY,
INTO THIS NEW LIFE MY SPIRIT WILL BE FREE.

THE DARKENSS HAS GONE, REPLACED BY LIGHT,
I GAVE UP THE DARKNESS WITHOUT A FIGHT.
I'VE BEEN SITTING AROUND THIS LIFE FOR TO
MANY YEARS, WITH LAUGHTER A PLENTY AND A
TEAR.

NOW I CAN SEE WHERE IT ALL WENT,
NOW I CHERISH EVERY MOMENT OF THIS
NEW LIFE THAT I HAVE SPENT!!!!!!!!

BEVERLEY.C.
Posted 10/31/2009 1:49 AM (GMT 0)
cool  hi to all,

i just wanted to say that i'm feeling so much better at the moment and i truly thank everyone that has replied to me. It has really helped me put a few thing's into perspective. I have also just started up a small business. It's a cleaning business which i only started 2 weeks ago and already have 3 client's, so that's made me much happier to. So i hope everyone has a good day/night!!!

 

bye for now,

 

beverley.c. turn

Posted 10/31/2009 3:58 AM (GMT 0)
Beverly,

Congratulations on your business. That is awesome. You can make a lot of money cleaning. I hope it all goes well for you.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/31/2009 5:48 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Karen,

How are you? Hope your feeling well? Just another thankyou for ur very kind reply!!! Yes i'm very happy about it all and all is going well at the moment. "touch wood" lol. Anyway thankyou again for ur support. Have a nice day/night. stay safe.

best wishes to you,

beverley.c. :))))))
Posted 10/31/2009 6:02 AM (GMT 0)
I have a girlfriend with a cleaning business. Her and her daughters do it. They get many jobs and make good money with it. They have been doing this for years now. She loves it.

I don't know if I mentioned to you, but I got a job and hadn't worked for sseven years. I didn't know if I could do it because of my fibromyalgia. But my doctors are even working with me so that I can do this. I have been working now since the beginning of June. I don't know what the winter weather will do to me. But my boss said if I can't do it, she will give me a leave of absence until I can come back. I thought that was very nice of her. She really likes me, I think because I am reliable and older. I am the oldest one there. She said that I have a really friendly attitude and that made me feel really good. I do like it there so I guess that it really makes a difference. I have to face people all day long too. It just seems easy for me to be around people now. Before I was a hermit. lol...

Well, I really hope that you are having a good night/day. Here it is 2:00 am. So I better get to bed.

Take care

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/31/2009 6:22 AM (GMT 0)
cool  Hi Karen i just had a look at ur reply to me and i'm really happy for you,that you to have re-entered the workforce!! I congratulate you Karen as this is a very big step for you no doubt?? You also seem much happier to is that because your working or other?? Since I started it's made such a diffrence with my outlook on life!! I also hadn't worked properly for 8yrs so yes it's very different, but well worth it. I have also now got a purpose to even get out of bed as i know that i have to work and gee itfeels good!!!!! Sorry i'm rambling a bit Karen, i'm just in a good mood that's all. lol  hehe.

Anyway I hope your job continues to prosper for you and maybe down the track u might even get a promotion as your a very clever and intelligent woman. "never forget that".

 

best wishes to you Karen,

 

Beverley.c. smilewinkgrin xxxx

 

GOOD THING'S COME TO PEOPLE THAT HAVE

THE PATIENCE TO WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 10/31/2009 3:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Beverly,

I think it is due to work. but I am taking a med called abilify, with my other antidepressants and it makes me feel really good. It is a mood stabilizer. It has really helped me a lot. Also I am going off of effexor and onto pristiq. So far the transition has been good. Pristiq is like effexor only with more noreprinehprine (sp). So that could be helping too. I am hoping to lose some weight with the switch. We shall see.

I am happy that you are feeling good. This is wonderful. Maybe it is because you will be working again too. It gives us something to look forward to. I have to work today, but have tomorrow off. I hope to go and see the grandchildren tomorrow. If the weather permits. It is cold and windy here right now. Getting close to winter. I can't believe that tomorrow is November already. Boy this past year has gone by fast.

I hope that your day continues to go well. I am so happy for you.

Best wishes...

Hugs, Karen
Posted 10/31/2009 8:55 PM (GMT 0)
:-)  Hi Karen i w ould again like to say thankyou!!! Your such a lovely person and I wish you were on my side of the world,then we could have met maybe?? You never know. Hope you have a great weekend and the weather picks up for you!!!!!

 

best wishes Karen,

 

beverley.c. smilewinkgrin

Posted 11/1/2009 5:07 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Beverly,

I worked tonight and the kids come in for halloween. They were all dressed up in their costumes. It was so cute. We passed out candy and coupons for free hot chocolate. It was a riot.

I hope that you are feeling better today. It is late night here. After 1:00 am. But I worked until after 11:00 tonight. So I am usually up kind of late. It is hard to wind down. Tonight I have yet to fill my pillbox. That is a job in itself. lol...

I am hoping that things are going well for you. And I hope that you are having a good day/night. Whichever it is there. And yes, you never know, we may meet one day. That would be so cool.

Take care of yourself, and keep us posted on how you are doing.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/1/2009 12:45 PM (GMT 0)
keep the faith guys. jamie. smilewinkgrin
Posted 11/2/2009 12:49 AM (GMT 0)
Beverely,
I stayed with my aging mom and it literally almost killed me. I started having bowel problems. They were diagnosed as an elongated sigmoid (sigmoidocele that I was told partially closed off my rectum when I passed stool, thus making each bowel move small, took me 2-4 hours each morning to feel "done" pooping. 3 colorectal surgeons told me I needed my sigmoid colon removed based on this scan. I had it done and almost lost my life due to my colon scarring in to only a 3 millimeter diameter where they rejoined the descending colon to the rectum. Then I had small bowel obstructions from scarring of my small intestine. Because this mess was made by doctors, it was VERY difficult finding help as docs don't like to admit a person was damaged by another doc. Took me 13 months to find help. Lost 25 lbs due to not being able to eat due to the scarred in small intestine and unable to poop at all due to the scarred in colon. Finally got a surgeon to removed scar tissue from small intestine and a permanent ileostomy. Upon my case review, it turned out a resident radiologist misread the original test and I did not have a loopy sigmoid colon in the first place. Though the surgeons saw that it was fine in surgery they removed it anyway, then did mutliple unconsented procedures like bladder surgery (when I presented with no bladder issues). I'm not saying my mom was the cause of the medical negligence I encountered, but one thing leads to another. At this point, medical reviewers don't know what my original issue was. I'd hate to think it was stress! Now my mom is in a nursing home where she should have gone in the first place. If I had gotten out of her clutches, I would not have gone down the road I did. Get out NOW while you still have what remains of your health. Good luck. Rosemary
Posted 11/2/2009 1:22 AM (GMT 0)
idea  Dear Rosemary,

 

How are you doing? Well I hope? I just read ur reply to me and Boy I thought i'd had alot of major problem's with all of my op's due to my bowel being removed!! It's been 8yrs for me now and I'm still having nothing but trouble on a daily basis,to the point that I wont go out the house much due to constant leakage?? What to do hey Rosemary? I give up with all this.

Anyway enough about me and back to you. I tell you darling i doesn't suprise me that the surgeons made all those mistakes with you,asIhad the same prob's, my bladder is now "atonic" meaning that i dont know when i need a wee and when i do i cant empty properly.Do you have this issue to, as i see you mentioned your bladder? I tell you these so called surgeons do more damage to you when they operate and Never take the blame for there wrong doing. I tried to sue my Surgeon but to no avail as all the other Doctor's just back each other up. GUTLESS I SAY. Also yes I know that if I dont get out of my parent's home very soon i will end up having another break down,as I did last year and ended up in a PSHYC WARD again. That is not going to happen again. I've started my own business a couple of weeks ago so i can start putting some cash away and then hopefully get a house on my own!!! I cant live with my daughter Rebecca because she is a drug addict and has Personality Disorder,bi-polar11,P,t,s,disorder and hears voices!! It breaks my heart when I do get to see her,but I couldn't live with her either. I need to be on my own, then i can have myGrandaughter Tahlia who is 3yrs old,the love of my life!!!!

Anyway Rosemary I thankyou again so very much for ur reply and hope fully we can have a good chat one day soon?? Just go to my profile and my email address is there. Please dont be shy ok. I dont bite. lol

 

best wishes to you Rosemary,

 

beverley.c. cool

 

P.s. I hope you dont think I'm just rambling

I'm just having a bad day!!!!!! oh well.........

Posted 11/2/2009 1:50 AM (GMT 0)
Beverly,

Just popping into say hello and that I hope that you are feeling better.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/4/2009 6:54 AM (GMT 0)
mad   mad mad   mad   mad mad ive come to the conclusion that i am just a complete waste of air!!! i am sick to death of my family constantly putting me down for everything. I started my own business a couple of weeks ago and things were going really well until my Father say's,how can you run a business Beverley and i said very easy Dad then he said well dont you need a brain to run a business,i said yes u do then he said oh well you cant do it as you dont have a brain in ur head. Well that has just ripped my heart out as i was doing so well had more clients and now i dont even want to do it anymore as i think im just Stupid with no brain as ive been told all my life. What about my Dad he has never gotten anywhere in life but i dont rub that in his face. he is an arrogant pig and i hate him.

and i know that he hates it that i now have my own business and am making better money than him. All he thinks about is money,money,money and ive had all i can take. why do people have to pull me down when i start something good for ME!!!!!!!

i hate life it sucks.................................................. mad mad mad mad mad mad mad

Posted 11/4/2009 2:30 PM (GMT 0)
Beverly,

I'm so sorry your father said such a hurtful thing to you. To anyone else, it's clearly untrue. You are a very capable and caring person. Your family are not supportive and not kind and I hope you do keep working hard to get out of there. You deserve so much better. If you need it, keep coming here for reality checks. I'm happy to contradict every stupid thing your parents say to you.

serafena
Posted 11/4/2009 5:24 PM (GMT 0)
Beverly,

It sounds like your father is very jealous of what you are doing. I think he wants to keep you under his thumb. And he can't do that anymore so he says hurtful things to you.

Try to just ignore his ignorance. You are a very wonderful and capable person. Know that in your heart. You are so special to us. Keep posting, and we will get you out of the funk.

KNow that we love and respect you here.

Keep posting.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/5/2009 8:47 AM (GMT 0)
idea   blush smhair i Karen ur so right about my Dad being jealous as i overheard him talking on the telephone and he was talking about me and my new business,saying i wont last another week. Then he said it's just greed only!!!!! What an a****** to say that about ur own flesh and blood.

He makes my blood boil. Gotta go.now getting upset as usual.

take care Karen,

bev. sad cool :-) skull idea eyes

Posted 11/5/2009 12:07 PM (GMT 0)
Beverly,

Try not to let your father get to you. It is sad he is not supportive of you. But let that make you more determined to succeed. We all know that you can do this. And when you are working, try not to think of him. Keep focused on what you are doing so that you do a good job.

It sounds like he wants to keep you under his thumb. Don't let him do that. You are going to succeed, which means that you will probably move out of that house eventually and that worries him. Thoug I am sure he would never admit that. Keep the faith, and you go girl!!!

Best wishes sweetie.

Hugs, Karen
Posted 11/8/2009 1:42 AM (GMT 0)
hi to all,

Thing's still haven't changed in the slightest here,like today it's 32degrees here which is very warn for this time of the year. Anyway i went down to the chemist to get my med's and when i got back Mum and Dad were gone,they left me a note to say they were going to my sisters for a b.b.q for lunch. I didn't get an invite as usual but in the message it say's could you do the washing,ironing and the vaccing??

This is what they do to me on a daily basis and ive had it as yesterday i had a bad day and all i did all day was the washing,all done i vacced did the polishing and mopped ect!!! Then thismorning they changed there sheets and stuff and told me to get it done before they get home basically. Karen is so correct about my Father having me under his thumb and the only reason he wants me to live here is to do all the housework,iron his clothes,clean up behind him and fix his computer as he know's nothing about them. So YES i'm just his slave/housekeeper,well little does he know that i have purchased a oneway ticket to London last week. So as of Feb next year i will be moving back to the u.k. to live for good and cant wait.

He is going to be shocked as i dont think he realizes that i would do this,but i am. The only downfall is if i cant take Tahlia my grandaughter i'm going to have to leave her behind which is very hard but i have to do this. I want to start a new life for myself and i have alot of relatives there if i do need them,but i want to do this on my own. Does anyone think this is a BAD idea just to take off like that?? Your input would be appreciated. So again aother lonely boring day on my own!!!! 

Take care all,

beverley. cry mad cry mad

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