I knew when I woke up this morning that something was wrong with me. All day I have felt aggitated and just like something was going to happen or something. All day the feeling has become stronger and stronger. And finally when I started shaking and getting really upset easily I knew why I had felt like that all day. I had another episode.
The last was a week ago exactly. And Ive never had them so close together before. This one was less severe, however it was just as bad as everytime. The same old thing. I run to the bathroom and light a candle, bring a pillow, blanket, phone charger (I make sure I bring everything in case I dont come out and spend the night in there...and so I wont have to come out for anything) and I set everything up just as I always do. Then came the tears. Then the rocking that helps. The breathing, or lack thereof.... and the negative thoughts. I just sit an talk to myself for a while with so many things going through my head.
I hate it. Im so tired of this happening all the time. Im so overwhelmed and stressed with school and that helps cause the episodes yes, but the episodes cause me to get stressed over school because I am less able to do my work and I just dont care about it... so its a huge cycle that I cant end no matter how hard I try.
I feel the effects of these episodes for days, and sometimes weeks from when they occur so I anticipate yet another bad week after this last one. Im supposed to go tomorrow to pick up my new med thats supposed to help these episodes and feelings... At first I was wondering when I would be able to test the meds.... at this rate it should be really soon....
Christi