PCOS/getting pregnant/dealing with depression

Its been just coming on to 2 years that I found out I has Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. When I found out, I felt abnormal. I felt like I wasn't human almost. My gynocologist at the time was explaining to me things I needed to know. I felt like I had fallen off a cliff and into a pit of swords.

When she told me these words exactly, I felt even worse. "Ashleigh, the odds of you ever mothering your own child are quite slim. However it is NOT impossible." It has been my lifelong dream to be a mother. To get the opportunity to be a biological parent someday. My fiance and I have been together just over a year, and there has been some talk about children. As I have explained to him my condition, I try to make him understand that there is a chance I will never be able to bare him a child. He is understanding, and tells me that I will, and anything he can do to make it happen, he will. Sweet, I know. I am thankful for such an understanding man.   However, I cannot seem to deal with this fact. You know how you have those "gut" feelings, and most of the time we are pretty accurate in our "gut" feelings..? Well I have this gut feeling that I will never be able to have a child of my own.

I have the excess hair growth, I am slightly overweight, but not by too much at all, I haven't had a single spot of blood in over 8 months now, I am not currently taking birth control, and I have ovarian cysts. I just turned 20, and I found out right after I turned 18. I was still under my parent's insurance at the time, so unexpectedly, I went in for a PAP and came out with the knowledge of this new and confusing condition I was diagnosed with. I went into our local grocery store lastnight and checked my blood pressure, and I came to the realization that I have hypertension and prehypertension levels. Not good, right? I'm just scared. I can't find any support groups for helping me better understand this thing. I do not have medical insurance anymore because I only work a part time job while trying to go to beauty school! I just need to know what to do. I am so depressed, sad, angry, and hurt. I try to keep myself busy so as to not sulk in my everyday life. I have a fiance to think about. I have to make him feel like I am okay and like things will be alright, but I feel as if they won't. I don't have the insurance, nor the money to see doctors to even ask questions. Now days, it will cost me an arm and a leg just to make an appointment to speak to someone with a degree.

I'm just so discouraged. Things seem to be taking a toll on me.

I need to find people who understand and who can help me understand all of this. I figured, who better than women out there who are dealing with the exact same thing I am..?

So here I am.

Thanks for reading :)

Hi Ashleigh,

Karen really gave you some great advice about the emotional end of things.

As far as the not being able to have your own children, I can relate to that. I have a birth defect that would make a pregnancy ultra high risk. Plus, if it is a girl she would likely inherit the same problem. I know it's hard to think about not giving birth to your own children, but after I spoke with a friend who had a really great adoptive family, I realized what an amazing gift that can be. You get to choose your own babies. You can decide whether to raise them from birth, adopt them at an older age, find them at home or in a foreign country -- everything. And then you get to tell your children that out of all the beautiful kids in the world, you chose them because you loved them & wanted them to know that love forever and ever. My friend had such a great experience -- both he & his brother were adopted. His adoptive mother couldn't bear children, but she & her husband decided to turn it into a positive & look for a child to adopt.

Please don't think I am dismissing how sad it is to not be able to give birth. I totally understand that. I was very, very sad when I first found out. And it is not always easy to find a guy who is as eager as I now am to adopt children rather than have ones that look just like him. But I will be hoping & praying that either you have a miracle birth (& I have another friend who gave birth against all the odds) or that you & your husband are able to accept that your "own" children will be born by another mother (plus maybe you could look into freezing your eggs, if possible, so that they could be later be fertilized with your husband's sperm & implanted into a surrogate).

As for what's going on, can you call the doctor who ran the test to ask her what it means? Your doctor (or her nurse) should not leave you hanging like that. She should be able to explain what your diagnosis means, what treatment options are available & how quickly you need to be treated -- plus any home remedies that might help until you can get treatment. Let her know your financial situation & ask if she offers any "charity care" or if she knows of any place that does. You may be able to get a very low cost procedure (if needed) done with the remainder of the balance on a monthly payment plan (some places will even take $5 - $10 / month for as long as it take to pay the balance). If she doesn't have any ideas, maybe try contacting your local Planned Parenthood clinic. A lot of times they have funds to help individual women facing reproductive health issues. Even if they don't have any funds right now, they might be able to point you to other resources, or even local support groups.

Another option may be getting backdated coverage. Some states will let you buy into the public health coverage even if you have a pre-existing condition. I know TennCare does. I don't know what the Illinois policy is called, but I had a friend who bought it to cover his injuries after an accident & they backdated the policy a month. So there sometimes are options. Usually these programs are very inexpensive (& only cover major medical bills, not routine doctors visits but still the main costs are usually for surgeries and such anyways), but if you still can't pay the premiums, you might check with your local Salvation Army, Red Cross or religious organizations (churches, synagogues, temples, etc. -- even if you don't belong or believe, if you are willing to listen to them preach for an hour they are often very generous). If you still need ideas after all those, please post again... I've got lots.

take care,
frances

Hi Healing_me,

I would like to welcome you to the HealingWell depression forum.  I am so happy that you chimed in.  It goes to show that if something is meant to be, it will happen.  I am so happy that you were able to become a mom as you wanted to. 

 

I am glad that you have joined the other members here at healingwell.  If you would like to, feel free to start an introductory thread as the members would love to get to know you better.  But if you don't want to, we understand that too.  Some people choose not to and just post on the threads.  And we get to know you that way too.  I think we have a wonderful group of members here and I know that they are all happy that you have joined us.

I hope that you are having a good night where ever you are.  It is night time here.  Take care, keep posting.

Hugs, Karen