Brand spanking new here

Hello Everyone,

I found this group because I was googling anxiety and ovulation and I found you all.

Let me start from the beginning. Yes this is going to be LONG.

At 18 after moving out of my parents home,I started seeking therapy. I was sad, upset and did not know the "real" reason why or how to deal with it. After a few years of off and on therapy, I just stopped. I was not getting anywhere and all they kept telling me was that I had depression and needed to be treated. Even though I have a very LONG family history of anxiety/depression/drug and alcohol abuse I did not abuse and did not believe them. Both parents and both sets of their parents had major emotional issues. My grandmom on my fathers side committed suicide, and my grandfather on my moms side did the same. As time progressed I got more anxious, not depressed. It was to the point of me doing some real odd things. I was going through infertility and that just made it worse. Through my whole pregnancy after 6 years of ttc I was a gigantic MESS. I started having physical symtoms.

So in 2005, I had my oldest daughter, the light of my life. That increased everything ten folds. I was so worried, so concerned. My heart raced, I was short of breath, I cried for no reason, I could hear my heartbeat in my ears, I knew I was gonna die from some disease or my baby would. I checked her temp non stop one day, I washed her bottle over and over. I didnt sleep cause I thought someone would steal her. When she was 10 weeks old I knew I had to get help. I started therapy, seen a psychologist for my anxiety. To my surprise after my evaluation he diagnosed me with DEPRESSION along with OCD. ARe you kidding me, I asked him? I am not sad, I am worried. I was also in nursing school through this all.

Only because I wanted the best for my daughter, I started prozac 20mg and was not happy about it. AFter a month or so I felt like a cloud had been lifted off of me. Things that tipped me so badly before didnt faze me. I was the best I had ever been for about 11 months till I got pregnant with my 3 year old. So, I stopped the meds due to being pregnant. NOT A GOOD IDEA. Had my baby, who was born with issues. I was a total crazy mess that was barely functioning but was. Finally after getting her stable I went back and got prozac again, she was 10 months old. I was good again for about another year. Then I took it off and on for a year or so. I was seeing a therapist off and on also. In May 08 I finally found a good therapist who would not let me BS her, whom I am still seeing today, continuously.

I have only had 3 depressive episodes in 5 years. But the worst which really really scared me was last november. I finished nursing school, got a new job, bought a second home in a better area, husband got laid off, lost our medical insurance, car broke down all in two weeks. I got very depressed very very even suicidal. I was just a burden on everyone. In dec I got very ill with pneumonia possible pertussis. I was sick for 7 weeks. I only worked, slept. I had very very bad insomnia, aches pains, sickness, sadness. After 3 months of this I went back to the dr and they started switching my meds. I tried lexapro, cymbalta and celexa didnt like them.

So for the last 6 months I have been back on the prozac but 40 mg, feel much better other than around ovulation and menstration. I was also prescribed xanax.25 when needed. They do help out so much but I do not like to take them. I have had the same script for 3 months. So my biggest issues currently is I am a mess around my cycle. I get so emtional, worried, heart races, thouth race insomnia. It is terrible. I wake up like this sometimes. I am lucky if I get more than 1.5 to 2 hours sleep at a time, so I never feel rested. I just want to be normal I want to be unworried. I am really at a loss of where or what to do at this time. So, i am out here in www trying to figure it all out.

I am a 33 yr old mom of two, married for a looonnnng time. I have been a nurse for 2 years, work two jobs and go to school part time. Husband been laid off for a year. I am just here for support, ideas. And to offer mine.

I am excited to get to know you all.