Her name is Rebecca and she has a daughter,my grandaughter who is 3yrs old and was taken away from my daughter by dhs
2yrs ago and it breaks my heart that she's not with me or her mother. Anyway im having an issue about my daughter,the last time i heard from her was about 6weeks ago and the phone call i got was hi mum im in jail can u bail me out!!! I couldnt afford it anyway she spent over a week in jail and i went to her court case and stood up for her even though she has done so much wrong,but i love her so much and just cant hold it against her.
My issue is that since the court case and even before that she never ever rings me to see how i am or anything. My mum talks to her behind my back then tells me all this stuff about her that i didn't even know. But i'm very angry,sad my heart aches as all i want is to talk to my girl but i cant as she wont answer or tells my mum she has no credit on her mobile. to me it's just excuses
as she could atleast send me a txt message just to say hi mum im still alive. this morning my mum say's to me lets go and see
beccy on Monday for a couple of hours but i cant do it and i dont know why???? All i do is cry when i think about my beautiful child,but i know in my heart that i have truly lost her to the drugs and criminal activity!!!! What do i do as i love her so much but just cant see her face to face at this time but my mum just keeps putting the pressure n me and saying i wouldnt just drop my kid's like that. She is trying her hardest to make me feel like *****. aND IVE HAD IT NOW NO MORE I CANT TAKE IT.......
iv'e never felt this sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so sorry. This just breaks my heart. Your daughter has an addiction problem. This is like a disease. You don't know for sure that she blames you. Does she go to any counseling? I am sorry that she treats you this way. But we do hurt the ones that we love. She comes to you when she needs things. This is typical behavior for and addictive personality. Have you thought about going to alanon meetings or even reading about addiction? She may have a lot of pain from the past, and this could be her way of overcoming it, but that doesn't mean that it is your fault. You didn't' know. So please don't blame yourself. It really isn't your fault.
I would try to talk to her about counseling, and try to get educated with addiction problems. You might find some insight. She is not herself. And you might see worse from her. But it might get harder before it gets better. We are here for you through this. Lean on us.
Hugs, Karen
my daughter rebecca has been having councelling on and off since she was 5yrs old,but when she turned about 13-14yrs she told me she didnt want to do it anymore and wanted to put it all behind her?? So that stopped and thats when she started to use stuff. Then at 15yrs she left school and met the fahter of her daughter Tahlia-Rose who she said got her onto the drugs and he still is an addict. Anyway after Becc left home things just went from bad to worse. I remember when i was in hospital one time for about 2weeks and while i was in there my house was broken into and my safe that was under the floor was taken which had thousands of dollars in there that i had saved and also all of my medication was gone,then 1 week later again broken into and all of my clothing,shoes ect gone. Then i found out that my daughter had done all of this,which is very sad but i still cant hold it against her and have forgiven her for what she has done to me. What i cant or dont understand is why does she only contact me if shes in jail or she need's money ect!!
Why cant she just ring me and say hi mum it's Becc im letting you know that im ok and maybe ask me if we could get together for a coffee or just a txt msg for me. I never know from day to day if my child is still alive and thats the next call that im dredding,saying she's overdosed.
Also karen becc has been to about 8 different places to detox and rehab but she never lasts the full time in there and the day she gets out she uses drugs straight away. I have spoken to her about some councelling for the both of us to try and bring us back together and help her with her addiction but she wont do it. so i have really tried everything i can Karen and now have hit a brickwall with nowhere to turn. ive tried alanon and other to no avail. all i want is my daughter back,it feels like she has died and there is someone else in her body,thats the only way i can describe how i feel. And next week i have to go back to the court for Tahlia my grandaughter to find out what the future holds for her the poor little girl,she's only 3 and for the last 2yrs has been in care with D.H.S being pushed from person to person. the poor thing is really starting to suffer and that also breaks my heart. She deserves better than having a life like that. and i only get to have her once a week,not enough!!!! im going to apply for full custody of her as i know that i can look after her very well and she loves me so much. But regardless of all of this i will forever blame myself for what her father did to her.....
thankyou Karen
beverley.c.
I hope that you get custody of Tahilia. That would be so good for you. You would know that she is safe and that she is loved. That is what she deserves. And you deserve the love that you will get from her too.
You really have to stop blaming yourself for this. How about you going to counseling on your own. I think it would help you to quit blaming yourself for this. Sure you could have stopped it if you knew it was going on. But you didn't.
When we are addicted, we don't think right. For one thing, she might not be able to face you. But does when she needs money and stuff. But have you told her to contact you once in a while just to let you know that she is okay? What did she say? Yeah, okay? But then she doesn't. I think she is on a guilt trip too for doing the drugs and doesn't want to face you. Which means that she still has some respect for you.
My older sister use to do things like that to my mom. She would say she was coming and never show up. My mom would worry. But my mom lost her kids to drinking. And she was wanting to get her back for that. I don't know. Until she gets a clear head, I think she will be this way. There is nothing you can do to change her, but you can work on your life and pray for her.
I hope that this helps some.
i cant thankyou all enough for ur lovely replies. i am trying to do everything i can for Rebecca but it's just not working anymore,so maybe i need to let her go until she can respect me and get clean or would that make her more hostile toward's me?? I just dont know anymore. and yes manyembers what you said in ur reply said it all. It's truly heartbreaking when you see a beautiful young girl at the age of 15 turn into an old looking 22yr old with rotten teeth from the heroin. Its so saddening and the worst part is I CANT HELP HER and i know that but i have to try atleast. I also found out that she has been prostituting herself for money to buy drugs,i cant comprehend this. Sorry if im rambling a bit it's just ive never really talked about this in such datail and it hurts like hell. and yes i am a very sensitive person and alway's have been and i hate it,and when depressed you take things to heart, well i certainly do. I have now decided to back off and let her come to me,but only if she is clean and has some respect for me,as with all my other prob's going on aswell it will be to much to handle.
thanks again to all,
beverley.
Thankyou so very much for ur kind words of wisdom. Everything you say makes perfect sense to me,but i need to put it all into place for ME!!! And also as you said you know ur limits, well i have reached the point where i know that if i dont back off now and start looking after myself for a change,i'm going to end up in the hospital again having another breakdown,which is what i'm trying to avoid. I'm also scared about the posibility of going back to the pschyc hospital because last time i was there a very sick man in there was ****** harrassing me and when i didn't advance towards him he lost it and beat me up and i'm still going through with filing charges against him but is very hard as he is classed as a sex offender?? The police told me he will probarly get off with a fine because of that reason,not good enough hey??? It's been
10 months and my face is still not the same as he's damaged my cheekbone for good. Again ManyEmbers i thankyou so much for ur very kind words to me atleast someone cares.
Look after YOU,
How everything going for you? Well i hope. Thankyou for checking in on me,ur such a kind and wonderful lady and dont ever forget that ok!! yes it's very hard to see my girl looking old,needle marks all over her arms and other places and she used to have the most beautiful teeth but they are now dark yellow and black with rot. she used to dress to perfection just like i do but now she might only shower once a week and dresses terribly and this is what drugs do to people it;s just terrible to see Karen. And the prostitution,i never imagined in my wildest dreams that my child would sell her body for money?? Cant comprehend it all,just heartwrencing is what i would call it. But i do know that i have to look after myself otherwise who's going to be there for my darling Tahlia who is the meat in the sandwich and it's not on anymore,so i will put a stop to it and soon. On the next court case i will apply for my full custody and then i atleast know that she is being loved and cared for unconditionally. Karen i hope everything is going well for you. I hope ur still enjoying ur job to?? I know that some day's we just dont want to go to work but we have no choice do we?? We have to survive somehow!!!! i hope that you have a good day at work and enjoy your weekend to.
Thankyou to a special lady,
How are you?? Sorry to hear that your so tired and can you have a rest at anytime through the day?? If so do it as you deserve the rest.
thankyou again for being so kind to me,as i said it's nice to know other's care. I was also reading in ur reply about ur wreathmaking that must be very hard work for you?? How many do you usually make in a day/week ect!! It sounds very interesting and also gives you an outlet i suppose? Do you make good money from them or just enough for the materials? You should try and sell them on ebay or take them to a market do you have "MARKETS" in the usa?? You can make great money at markets Karen. Anyway I hope you have a wonderful day and dont work ur self to hard as you may exhaust ur self.
Take care of YOU,