Hi Coco,
Welcome to the HealingWell depression forum. It sounds like you are down and out right now. But there will be better days ahead. Are you taking any medications for depression or seeing a counselor. That is ususally the first advice we give out. But remember that we are here for you too. So if you want to talk more, we are here.
I had to edit a couple of words out of your post as we are not allowed to talk about self harm. And sometimes it can be uncomfortable to other depressed people to read. But know that we care about you here and would like to know a little more about you so that we can see if we can help you get started in the right directions.
Take care,
Hugs, Karen