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Hi I'm back again and need some help please.........

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Posted 12/19/2009 1:10 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Ive had a bit of a break but needed to come back as this is the only place where i can go to either get support or vent about issues in my life,and this is the only place that i truly feel comfortable about everyting. I also like the fact that ur not being judged by anyone,infact the people on this forum are just wonderful human being's.

Anyway while ive been having a break thing's started to pick up in my life but now am back to square 1 again. I cant even remember if i mentioned that i had a phone call from my daughter telling me she is getting married on christmas day and if i dont give her away she will never speak to me again and i have to gve her money,buy her veil ect ect!! She has only given me a week and a half's notice and i cant afford to pay for a wedding or anything else at this time as i only have one more pay before xmas and have to pay my bill's,but they just clouldn't care less. I have begged my daughter to wait just until the new year but NO she has to do it her way or no way and i dont get a say in anything. She also said that if i dont give her away and give her money and stuff she said she will ring her Father and ask him?? I cant comprehend this as he is a pedophile and she know's what he's done to her as in ****** abuse and she's going to contact him after he's completely screwed up her life?? I feel like im just blackmailed into everything and never am i asked about anything im just told this is what were doing and that's that.

Not would you like to or would you arrange this and that i continually get told what i have to do and even say at times and ive had enough. My mum seem's to love having this power trip over me and loves using my daughter as a pawn with both of us and basically just causes more trouble for the both of us. Ive told her she has to stop making out that Beccy is her child as that's how she behaves,like beccy is her's and im just nobody?? I cant make sense of it. sorry im rambling but i need to get some of this off my chest as i haven't been doing much talking of late. I also went and saw my pdoc last week and he has put me on ABILIFY 20mgs per day,it seem's to be slightly picking up my mood's but some of the side effect's are really horrible and it also makes me feel like a zombie,as in spaced out.. Is this normal? and also about the same time each night im having horrible bout's of nausea for about 2hours then i have to go to bed as i feel really crook. Could it be the Abilify or could it be my new HRT PATCHES that i only started last week also?? It's very confusing not knowing which one is causing the side effect's?? Any advise regarding the Abilify or Climara HRT Patches would be much appreciated. Thx for listening. Hope ur all doing really well and have missed coming here!!!!

 

sincerly,

 

damagedgoods........eyes redface shakehead

Posted 12/19/2009 1:43 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Beverly,

I never got any nausea from abilify, but I am only on ten mg a day.  So that could be the reason.  But it really does help with my moods.  It has been a life saver.  I am glad that you are able to wear the hormone patches, it seems to me that you were having trouble before with some type of hormones. 

As for your daughter, I would pay the bills and maybe help if you could after that.  Let your mom pay for her wedding, she is always getting involved anyway.  If she calls her dad, oh well, what can you do?  I dont' think that she would really call her dad, so I bet that you could force her hand on that one, and he probably wouldn't care about any of it anyway. 

I think it is their psychological games again, and I wouldn't go for the emotional blackmail anymore.  Let her get married if she wants.  Just stand back and let it happen.  You can't get money out of a rock, so don't let your bills fall because of all this.  It is a hard time of the year as it is, and you have probably over extended yourself already with the holidays, so I wouldn't let her bully you into anything that you don't want to do.

How is your job going?  I hope that you still have good clients and everything is going well for you.  Glad that you came back to join us.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 12/19/2009 1:44 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Beverley,

So good to hear from you. I've been thinking of you.

I'm so sorry to hear your daughter is at it again, but you know what -- you don't have to give her money. If she wants to contact her abusive father, that's her prerogative. It's not healthy, but she's a grown woman. It's up to her. You can't allow her to continue to manipulate you in this way. If your mother complains, tell HER to give Beccy the money -- you just don't have it and don't have enough time to come up with it. End of story. My guess is Beccy will sulk for a bit, but ultimately either put off the wedding until she can afford it or call her dad, which as I've said, is up to her. You ARE NOT responsible for the decisions of grown adults.

Hope this helps. I just want to see you sticking up for yourself.

serafena
Posted 12/20/2009 12:04 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Karen & Serafena,

 

Hope ur both doing really well?? Thx for ur very kind  reply's as alway's!! I cant thankyou both enough for the help and support that you have both given me,and believe me you have helped me more than you will ever know. How is everything going for the both of you? How's ur work going are you very busy with Christmas coming up? Karen how's the wreath making going,no doubt ur backlogged with work?? I have decided that i will be there for my daughter for her edding but i have told her i will not give her money,but i will pay for a couple of thing's and give her away,even though i dont want to as i know in my heart that she's making a huge mistake but she has to learn from them and if it takes getting married and she also wants to fall pregnant,which i cant even comprehend as she doesn't even have custoday of Tahlia and never will so i think she's just trying to replace not having Tahlia by having another baby. I dont agree but what can i do or say?? Also my business has been going really well but last week i had 3 cancellation's as a couple of my client's have gone away and didn't need there houses doing so that made it a bit diffucult financially as I have to declare my earnings to centrelink and they then deduct money from my disabilitie pension,so i was let very short this week to the point that i couldn't even buy a christmas present for anyone as yet.  have also taken ur advise regarding my mother and her controlling way's with Beccy and I. I have told her that if she want's to organize and just butt in and tell me what to do i told her she can pay for the whole thing but she said it's not up to me i'm not her Mother you are and I said YES Mum finally you realize she is my child not ur's. Ive also told the both of them that I wont be kicked around anymore and if they cant respect my wishes then i want nothing to do with them. It may sound very harsh but i think it's the only way im going to get through to the both of them. Anyway again im venting. Thx for listening again. And I hope that both of you have a very "HAPPY CHRISTMAS" and get's lot's of lovely presents.

Also Karen does the ABILIFY make you feel like a zombie??

Hope you both have a great day/night!!!

sincerly,

 

damagedgoods........eyes idea rolleyes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted 12/20/2009 4:27 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Beverly,

The abilify does not make me feel like a zombie.  It kind of perks me up.  But it might effect us differently.  I am not manic at all, so it might work differently on me than you.  In fact, I go the other way usually.  If I get nervous, that is a different situation all together.  But the xanax keeps me from being nervous and anxious.  I think...  I take three different meds for depression, and get them confused at times.  I think the pristiq is for anxiety too and for depression.  It is like effexor.  I get so sick of taking pills.  I have to fill my pillbox up for the week tonight and that is a job in itself.

I am glad that you are participating in your daughter's wedding.  But stand your ground, and only do what you have intended to do.  And don't let anybody make you feel guilty for not doing more than you can.  We are having faith that you will stick to your guns with this. 

I hope that you have a wonderful day.  Here it is getting late, I worked until 10:30 and haven't been home too long. 

Take care, keep us posted.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 12/20/2009 7:25 AM (GMT 0)
Hi,

 

This morning my mood seemed to be much better but as the day has gone on I no longer have that good feeling. Infact it's the opposite and Im feeling really down again. I dont know if it's because im thinking about my daughter's wedding or what my Mother is doing to me everyday and maybe the fact that my Father hasn't said 1 word to me for nearly 2 weeks. I have done nothing wrong as usual and dont understand why my dad wont say a word and it makes me so uncomfortable,and I keep asking myself what have you done?? But there is no answer to that or anything else for that matter. Im so confused about everything and I feel like I need to get away from here very soon because if I dont im going to have another breakdown or maybe even worse, i dont know. I cant think straight anymore my memory is getting really bad to the point where i completely forget what i was going to do. Also putting the milk in the pantry or the pepper in the fridge,i feel like im going MAD!!!! How can my mood go from not to bad when i got up to feeling completely lost,confused,angry,mad,sad and very numb??? I honestly dont know anymore...........

 

damagedgoods........confused shakehead confused shakehead

Posted 12/20/2009 11:36 AM (GMT 0)
hi beverly. a lot is on your mind-i hope things improve soon. remember that you are no 1. and that you need to take care of you. my compassionate healings my friend. jamie.
Posted 12/20/2009 3:31 PM (GMT 0)
Beverly,

I use to be like that.  Had to really focus on what I was doing.  Even doing dishes, had to think, washing a dish, putting it in the drain board, washing another dish, putting it in the drain board.  Or else my mind was all over the place.  So try to slow down and really think about what you are doing and not let your mind wander.

As for your father, well, my dear, he never really had anything nice to say to you, so maybe it is better that he isn't talking.  I would be enjoying it myself.  lol...  Maybe he has nothing to complain about, as he was always complaining.  I would take it as a good sign.

Keep sticking to your guns, especially with the wedding coming up.  I had a December wedding too, really makes this time of the year special to me. 

Keep on keeping on, that is the motto.  And take it one day at a time.  Save tomorrows worries for tomorrow.  Try to do something nice for yourself too.  You deserve it, you are working now, making money, doing your daughter's wedding, so save a little time for you too.

Take care, hope your day gets better.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 12/20/2009 8:17 PM (GMT 0)
Beverly,
I think Serafena is right on about your daughter being mad for a short while & then getting over it. She seems to threaten cutting you out of her life a lot -- but she has yet to follow through on any of those threats. If she wants to get married this week, she will find the money on her own. If she is so determined to get the money from her father, perhaps you shouldn't fight that. Yes, it sounds like her father is bad news but he will either refuse her the money as well, or give it to her in which case you're off the hook.

I really think you need to find ways to cut down on some of the drama in your life. I understand it because my family is high-drama as well, but life has been much happier since Kitt & Karen & some others encouraged me to stop worrying about them & the issues they were trying to constantly create. As a result, my friendships are stronger, I feel better about myself &, ironically, the few times I do interact with my family are somewhat less unpleasant than they used to be. They realize now that I will not put up with their constant bickering, backstabbing, put-downs, threats or negativity. If things start to get bad, I walk away or hang up the phone. I really want to encourage you to do the same. Your family is not supporting you & right now you need to be supported. They are not going to change & become supportive of you no matter how bad things get. It's sad but true. So try to limit the time you spend with them & talking on the phone with them -- even if that means moving and changing your phone number. And spend more time with people who are kind & supportive of you. You deserve that.

I know it seems awful to "abandon" your family, but really it truly does make everything better when you don't have to listen to the negativity, drama & chaos on a daily basis.

wishing you well,
frances
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