Help Me

as i did serafena. all the best devourd. it is time for healing my friend. jamie

Devoured,

How terrible! I'm so sorry to hear that. You will get through this. What do you have in terms of a support network? Family? Friends? Doctors? Therapists?

serafena

it is hard, i lost my lady. she passed away just over 3 years ago. i was going to marry her. we were together just over 4 months, and on the 4 dec 2006 i went to get breakfast got back half an hour later and she was on the floor, not breathing, she passed in my arms. i performed cpr for 15 minutes, kept her just alive, 10 minutes later she died. i did the hardest thing of all a year or so ago-i set her free. this was excrutiating, but now i am engaged, and i know she is happy for me, maybe you need to set her free, dosen't mean you forget, just means that life has thrown you on a different path, and life is all about relationships-in all of it's forms. as karen has mentioned to me once "people come into our lives and people leave them also" yeah it totally sucks. my compassion is with you. jamie

I feel horrible. No, she ended up drunk at a party, and someone took advantage. She may be pregnant now...
I forgave her, but I don't know what to do now. I have to move on, but I'd be leaving her all alone and her life would just get more messed and I don't want that. I can't father a child though.

She cried to me telling me she was sorry, and she felt like such a bad person. Bad stuff happened and she wanted me to forget her, even though it was too difficult. I couldnt, it was too hard on my heart. She just kept telling me to leave and not get involved with her. I ended up doing it, for her. Iv'e never cried so much before in my life, and my heart literally felt like someone was squeezing it.
She came back about 10 minutes later... She was angry at herself for saying everything she did, she was just scared. She didn't want me to leave her alone. I don't want to either. I don't want to let her go, and wonder the rest of my life wether she chose the right path, or is living in a worse hell than I am. My god she's only 22. I don't want to see her life get destroyed.

Post Edited (Devoured) : 1/9/2010 6:24:57 PM (GMT-7)

I just know all the stuff she's going through, and I want to help her, and would like to be with her, and with her every step of the way through things, but if she IS pregnant, I do not think I could literally nurture a child. I may want to- I know for fact I would make a great father, but I am only 19 years old. I have the simple gut feeling and knowledge that this girl is for me, because I care too much, and want to do everything in my power to make her happy, and Iv'e never felt this way about any other girl. I've been thinking, maybe I'm just blind by compassion, and another part of me feels like a complete idiot- thinking I could raise a child. It's never even crossed my mind before, but now that it has I am just confused as to how in all of hell I could do it, and afford it. If I would really even love a child that isn't mine?
I am just confused and possibly just completely blind by this love.

My family and all friends would even think I'm in denial. I wouldn't even DARE bring something like this up to my parents. I would get slapped so hard and they would hate me... I feel like a complete idiot for actually considering... Or maybe I'm just more human than everybody else... Possibly an angel for actually wanting something like this, especially at my age. I wouldn't expect anyone in the world to understand. Am I just blinded by love? Am I in denial?

Post Edited (Devoured) : 1/10/2010 6:08:20 PM (GMT-7)

I don't know. Whatever, maybe I'm just a complete moron. I hate my life.

Maybe I am. It would make sense. Girls hate me and find absolutely no interest in me. Would make sense if she actually doesn't. Guess I'll find things out soon. She said all her past boyfriends ended up using her and she wasn't sure at all about being in a relationship with me. It took a lot of gaining her trust before she did.

No, I'm a moron because the only way I can meet someone is online. I don't put myself down, it's just how it works for me. Every girl I've liked and had feelings for just bashed me away, thought I was a loser, or made up some other bullcrap reason so that they wouldn't have to go out with me. It's not like I'm distorted. I'm a good looking guy, it's just that I'm not a huge ****** to the girl, so they don't find me interesting or something. In any case I lost all confidence and wasn't ever able to ask out another girl because I would just get sick, and my mind would just click and tell me not to do it.

Just imagine how I feel now even talking to a girl. I feel they look at me in a bad way, and I don't feel comfortable around them anymore.
Call me an idiot for having strong feelings for someone I met online. Just that everything was working fine until this incident. Is it wrong that I want to be with her, and want to help her, and just feel we were meant to be? It's how you feel about each other that counts right?