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Posted 1/22/2010 1:42 PM (GMT 0)
BEVERLY, HOW ARE YOU? SHOUTING OUT TO SAY HI. HOPING YOUR WELL. JUST CHECKING IN. LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU. we care. JAMIE, with loving compassion.
Posted 1/27/2010 3:50 AM (GMT 0)
hELLO Jamiee how are u??? Hope ur well. Sorry i haven't posted much lately it's just me having a very hard time of late and am just bottoling everything up as i have nobody to talk too anymore and never really have so i thought i would try and stay silent and not ask for help.

There is one big problem and i would like some advice if you wouldn't mind. Ok my so called father hasnt spoken a word to me,my mum or anyone else for that matter for about 2 weeks now and i have been observing his behaviour and to me it's like he's either very depressed,has some kind of bi-polar or is just a complete B*******!!

I will tell u a bit about his behaviour and maybe u may be able to shed some light for me please. So over the last 2 weeks all he does is either sit in his chair and stares a the t.v. all day or he's completely the opposite and is cleaning anything and everything like he's on a manic high?? Everyday it's like tredding on eggshells and if i try and even say goodmorning to him he looks at me with hatred and ive done nothing wrong. He also isn't saying anything to my mum and he wont give her any money to get thing's she need's,like shopping ect!!! Even if the telephone rings he wont answer it and if it's for him he shakes his head as to say im not here. Yesterday he sat all day in his chair and only got up to have a smoke or go to the toilet and that was it all day. Im getting so tired of all of this going on and it's increasing my depression and anxiety levels to the point when i go to bed im having full on panic attacks. Im just sick of it all Jamiee and dont know where to turn anymore. Im also still having trouble with my daughter as sh'es still being very abusive towards me after everything that ive done for her,it makes me sick to the stomach. Also my brother who is a recovering alcoholic has been hitting the drink again lately and is ringing me and abusing me and my mother and is getting very scarey as he's a very voilent drunk. He rings me every night and ask's me if i can get hime  to smoke and if i dont try and get it for him he get's even worse with me. Im sick of my family kicking me around like im a soccer ball or something,they all take out there anger on me and im not coping with it any longer, Ive also started to and it's getting really scarey and out of control. I just dont know what to do or where to turn. Please help with any advice thankyou to all.

sincerly,

very confused-damagedgoods.........shakehead rolleyes shakehead rolleyes shakehead rolleyes shakehead rolleyes

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 1/27/2010 9:26:24 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/27/2010 8:48 AM (GMT 0)
you need out!! and anywhere sounds better than what you are facing in this place. pls do not SH.  you are very stressed, you need some respite. there are places, one is in ringwood, can't remember the name, there are others in melbourne as well. check with mental health services in your area. you need some therapy, someone to help remove some intense baggage. i will try to look up some respite services for you. keep safe, you have my e-mail. with compassion, jamie.
Posted 1/29/2010 5:40 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Jamiee hope ur well???? Thx for ur very kind reply's i ont know what id do if i didn't have you and Karen as some moral support,ur both so very kind too me and i thankyou both from the bottom of my heart.

Well today nothings changed as far as my father is concerned,as thismorning when i got up again i said goodmorning and what did i get a dirty look and nothing else. It makes me so very sad to be in such a horrible surrounding and its making me feel nervous all of the time and i spend all of my time in my bedroom or my loungeroom as i cant even sit with mum and dad and watch the t.v. anymore as im so uncomfortable. Why should i feel like this with my so called excuse for a father a ive done nothing wrong and he just makes me feel like im not wanted and am a waste of air!!!! All i want is for him to aknowledge me in some kind of way but it's never gonna happen and i know that deep down but it doesn't make life any easier for me. Infact it's just getting worse and im so angry all the time because i have no where to turn except to you or Karen and if it wasn't for both of ur support i dont think id be here anymore as im just sooooo tired of it all..... As ive said before a humanbeing with feelings can only take so much before you break and thats whats happening. I just want to run away and never ever come back again.

I would also appreciate any information about respite or other as i know in my heart that i do need some time out and if i dont i really dont know what will happen and that scares me very much. Why are people so cruel in life????? Again thankyou and i truly hope ur w

doing well urself????? Ur both in my thought's ok.

sincerley,

damagedgoods......cry 

Posted 1/29/2010 6:34 AM (GMT 0)
  1. bev. will get back to you soon. hold on sweetie!!
  2. with compassion, jamie.
Posted 1/29/2010 7:38 AM (GMT 0)
  1. try peninsula support services bev. 23-25 yuilles road, mornington. ph 03 5970 500. also ask about respite through EACH. they have a 2 week respite program that is open to people from anywhere, sorry can't remember the name. it is for people with a mental illness who need a break, it is in ringwood. call for more info, 9871-1800. good luck. jamie
Posted 1/29/2010 7:51 AM (GMT 0)
hey Jamiee thanks so much for the information regarding some respite for me!!! I didn't even know these kind of places even existed as all i thought was Mental Hospitals and i just hate them...... I will call them first thing in the morning and try and get myself in there for a while to sort my head out as i just cant do it where i am right now......

Your a very special person with unbelievable qualities so never change who you are ok as ur a good person with a heart of gold. Thankyou again and i will keep you up to date with what happens....

 

sincerley,

 

damagedgoods..............shocked rolleyes shocked rolleyes

Posted 1/29/2010 8:16 AM (GMT 0)
beverly, if you get stuck, being the week-end try the SANE WEB-SITE, www.sane.org or ph for an advisor monday-fri 9am-5pm on 1800 187 263. these guys are good on mental health services. or life-line on 1300 131 114 and or www.lifeline.org.au/infoservice. good luck, of to bed been up 2 days!! visiting the family in the morning. cheers. keep safe and well okay!! here for you!! thx for your kind words. jamie
Posted 1/29/2010 4:12 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Beverly,

You don't deserve to be treated like this.  And I know that it is going to take time for you to get out of that place.  I guess all I can say is try not to let his attitude get to you as it is his own self hatred that causes him to act this way.  He must be a very miserable man inside.  But that doesn't excuse him from being so unkind to you.  I don't know how you can continue to take this treatment.  I would just ignore him and keep looking for a way out.

I am happy that Jamie gave you some resources for help.  You deserve to be happy.  You are a wonderful, kind and compassionate person and have suffered enough.  It seems like in your last post, you said he was being cruel to your mother too.  How does she react to that?  I imagine that it hurts her very much. 

Keep yourself busy and stay out of his way.  Knowing that seeing him is only going to upset you, I think it would be best to limit contact with him. 

I hope that things get better for you soon and that you find a way out of this situation.

Hugs, Karen

Posted 1/30/2010 1:52 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Karen how are you??? I really hope that ur doing well? Your also always in my thought's as you are a very special lady!!!! Just giving you an update on the home front. Well nothings changed and never will with my Father as like thismorning I say "morning" and nothing in return then walks away from me which is what he does everyday. Im at the point where i cant even sit in the same room as him because he makes me so very uncomfortable. Also the stuff with my mother has taken a different turn over the last 2 day's. He has started talking to her again and now she has gone from sitting and having little talks with me to being totally ignorant towards me again.It's like she only has anything to do with me when he's not talking to her and when he does start talking again she has nothing to do with me and im getting so sick of it all. If im not good enough to be with regardless of him or anything else well i say she's just as bad as him. All i do is worrie about other people and there lives and nobody gives a flying ***** about how Bev feels!!!!! Sorry Karen im trying so hard to unload but just cant get the right word's out as my head is just spinning out of control. Im so angry,sad,lonely ect!!!! I dont know where to turn anymore and wish i could go to sleep and never wake up!!! As they say you can choose ur friend's but not ur so called family! Again thankyou for caring. I honestly hope ur doing well or better than you were Karen???

sincerly,

damaged.........shakehead shocked shakehead shocked

Posted 1/30/2010 4:31 AM (GMT 0)
Beverly,

You can't choose your family, but, you can choose not to let them get to you. When you walk into a room, your presence is just as important as the next persons. You have the power to not let him get to you. So own your space and do what you want to. If they don't want to talk to you, let it be. But don't feel uncomfortable, at least not to their knowledge. Just be you. Don't walk on egg shells, or tip toe around things. Do what you want to do, be it drink a cup of coffee, or read, or whatever. Be polite by all means, but be there and be you.

If you are going to continue to live there, you have to learn to not let them get to you. And that all comes from your way of thinking. They can only hurt you if you let them. Let the things that they say go in one ear and out the other.

If you can't do that, then you need to find another place to live. I think that you realize this by now. So it is either learn to live with it, or move out. And I know that this is sounding harsh, but it is not meant to be. I am trying to get you to see that there are options and ways to deal with this.

Though I think that the most important thing is to stand up to them, and learn not to let them get to you anymore. You know what type of people that they are, and the are most likely never going to change anytime soon. So that is what you have to learn to contend with. You can do it Bev, it just takes practice. And patience. Patience with yourself to learn how to do this. A counselor would be the best place to start. They can teach you how to handle the situations that you are in everyday.

I hope it gets better soon, but Bev, I don't see them changing at all. So I don't know how long you can tolerate the abuse without some coping skills. Plus you have your daughter to deal with at times, that doesn't help. You have to learn to be assertive with the whole family. Or block them out. Whichever is easiest I guess.

Keep us posted on how things are doing. One day at a time. I myself wouldn't live with people like that, I would move far away. But your situation is different I guess and you feel you have to stay for some reason and that is why you need to learn to deal with it.

Counseling is what would help you. I think it is necessary. Have them work with you through all of this, that is waht they are there for. To help you learn how to cope and be happy within yourself.

Hugs, Karen
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