Hello.
I don't really know what to say here. My problems aren't even close to what it seems everyone else on here is going through. And to be honest, the majority of the time I'm okay. However, on friday, I ended up an ambulance had to be called and I had to have 6 stitches. All my friends have told me I need to go and see someone, but I figure its easier to talk over the internet. I recently started university. In my first term I discovered I have a rare genetic disorder (a long with a large amount of family members) meaning that I will be highly susceptible to certain types of cancer throughout my life. Two family members have already contracted this type of cancer. One died and the other is currently in radiotherapy. Despite having had symptoms that coincided with this condition, I got the all clear over christmas. I've had to take loads of time off uni for hospital appointments. Also, since starting university, me and my long term boyfriend broke up. Because I cheated on him. I know this sounds hard to believe but I really really loved and still do love him. I don't know why I cheated. The person that I slept with was a friend, I wasn't hugely attracted to him and I definitely prefer my ex-boyfriend. This is so difficult to understand. I broke up with my boyfriend immediately, yet waited a month before I told him about
me cheating, basically because I couldn't stop seeing him and it was hurting us both that he didn't understand fully why we broke up. Before this I had got very close to kissing other people on more than one occasion. Each of them I told my boyfriend straight away and he forgave me. I literally detest myself for what I did. Seeing the person that I love more than anyone else as upset as he was about
it all absolutely ripped me apart. After we broke up I one time, but it was nothing compared to what happened last week. I don't understand why I did it, which is the worst part. Since we broke up last year I've been drinking stupid amounts. Like, binge drinking to a whole other level. I get carried home most nights I go out and wake up regretting everything I've done and not remembering usually around 2 hours. I know this has to stop but I can't seem to sort it out, and I know you'll all say stop drinking all together but I'm a first year university student so think how realistic thats actually going to be. I realise all of your problems are massive compared to mine and I'm sorry for wasting your time. I just don't know where to turn anymore without feeling like a burden. Especially as half the time I am actually okay. One of my friends said the other day, which I think sums me up well: "You're incredibly strong half the time, and the other half its like you have no coping mechanism." I don't really know where to start with liking myself again. :( Please help
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 1/24/2010 7:20:31 PM (GMT-7)