tried it all

Hi, I've had depression for about 5 years now. I have not gotten better at all in that span. I am failing school and have been for the last several years. I have no friends and NEVER have. I have headaches almost 24/7 and that has been the case since 2nd grade. I have gotten this checked out and nothing came of it. I don't really care about anything at this point. I'm on welbutron or something right now, although I've been on dozens of medications ranging from mood stabilizers to anti depressants. I have been to many doctors for many forms of therapy and have been hospitalized 4 times, two were full time the other 2 were only in the day. Nothing has helped at all. fI feel tired all the time although I get enough sleep. The doctors and the inpatient thing insisted nothing was wrong with me physically that caused me to be tired and that I needed to get sleep and exercise, I told them I do and they basically just shrugged it off. I kinda want to get better, but I haven't the motivation or desire to do so. I'm sure it would be best to just help myself but I don't think I can. The road I'm headed on will lead me to failure, but I dont know, I just cant change it.

Other than depression, I have had anger problems, "manic" behavior, obsessions with violence, and social anxiety which causes me to do stupid thing/dares to get attention and be accepted. Everything from eating things to fighting to just misbehaving in general. After doing stupid things intentionally for so long I now do them impulsively, not to impress anyone, I just do it, its how I act. this has caused further problems. My behavior is at times bizarre and I do things that essentially turn people off. For some reason, I enjoy annoying others. For example, about a week ago I made an anonymous email address and sent random and annoying text messages to everyone I knew. I found it funny, obviously they did not. Things like this are truly one of the only things I get any happiness out of. I have mild interest in some things, however I am either too physically tired to do them or I realize they are pointless and quit. This includes sports and music. what can I do, what should I do, anything? I am not seeing a doctor atm because after years of no results I just dont bother anymore. The only doctor i see is the one who gives prescriptions.

also, what do you think my problem is, given the symptoms I listed? I have heard depression, bipolar, and a few other things. I'm sure depression is part of it but I think theres more to it and its not bipolar

by the way, I don't know if this forum is intended for kids or not, if it isnt, sorry.

Post Edited (blink182) : 2/13/2010 11:00:12 PM (GMT-7)

Well ive been to just about every doctor thats ever been recommended by anyone. received diagnosis of depression and bipolar by one person, but I dont think I have bipolar. I'm not sure there are many doctors in the area I havent been to.

also I should mention that its never been suggested that I may have a personality disorder, although after reading about them I think I might have one... Im am actually in shock that this has never been mentioned before.... not so sure the doctors really care that much

Post Edited (blink182) : 2/13/2010 11:29:21 PM (GMT-7)

I finally went to a psychiatrist for help. And I am so glad that I did. They seem to be better at finding the right meds for an individual. Also see his nurse for counseling, so that is convenient. She is a psychologist. And part of her therapy is massage. So cool!!!

I hope that you feel better soon.

Best wishes,

Hugs, Karen

Blink,

Why are you so sure you don't have bipolar? Obviously, as you can see, I have it, and I know MANY members on the bipolar forum refuse their diagnosis for quite a while before finally getting proper treatment. I'm not saying you do have bipolar, but what makes you think the doc is wrong? What medications are you on right now?

serafena